A Rock That Bleeds
by h0use-m0use
Summary: When Young leads a team to investigate an inhabited planet, Rush rubs the locals the wrong way and they are forced into a bizarre ritual to stay alive. Now they only have each other to turn to on the painful road to recovery. It's gay, ok? Please proceed.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Stargate. This is a fan based parody only.

**Warning:** Dubious-consent, explicit scenes.

**Pairing:** Nicholas Rush/Everett Young

**Summary:** Deep into the Universe Destiny picks up an alien signal; an intelligent race on an upcoming planet. But when Young leads a team to investigate, Rush rubs the locals the wrong way and the two men are forced into a bizarre ritual to stay alive.

**A/N:** This story is shameless character torture, smut and twisted romance with an attempted plot so that I don't feel like a pervert, which I am anyways. None of my stories are beta'd, especially not this one. If you want to proof read it or give suggestion just say so. PS: I'm SGU deprived…I can't help myself.

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><p><strong>A Rock That Bleeds<strong>

"There's a planet coming up on Destiny's sensors," informed Brody from his post at the head of the bridge. He looked over his shoulder at Rush with eyes bulging in awe and fear. "The ship is indicating life forms."

Previously uninterested, Doctor Rush snapped his attention to his left console to confirm the readings. He brought his radio up to his mouth. "Eli, are you getting this?"

The young genius responded in a rushed tone as if he'd been thinking the issue through a lot longer than them. _"Looks like Destiny's classified this planet in its own category but I'm having trouble accessing its database…almost like I need a password?"_

"Destiny's never done this before," Brody babbled obviously. "We've had encounters with aliens and She's never gone this crazy. It's like 'Red Alert' from Star Trek. "

"Obviously that's because there's something different about these beings of potential use to us," Rush offered.

Almost simultaneously Eli's excited voice sounded over radio. _"I think Destiny's trying to tell us that there's an advanced, or at least intelligent species on that planet!"_

The luminous hues of FTL faded and opened up into black space speckled with far away stars, amongst them a small blue dot. Brody pointed needlessly in its direction.

"That's it there."

"Colonel Young to the bridge, please," Rush called over his radio.

"_Already on my way,"_ was the gruff reply.

Just then Colonel Young made his appearance and planted himself in the chair in a manner that Rush interpreted as arrogant. He gave the Colonel a sideways glance, wishing the man would see the disgust on his face, wanting him to know how distasteful he found him. He always acted like he owned the bloody place, Rush thought.

"What am I looking at?"

Rush rolled his eyes back to the screen; typical empty-headed military inquiry. Better just to ignore it and focus on their current mystery. Unfortunately his voice sounded far more confrontational than he intended. "Destiny's indicating life on that planet. Obviously we're dealing with something significant, or the ship wouldn't bother raising the alarm."

The Scott's harsh tone didn't go unnoticed, but it was like water off a duck's back for the Colonel. They had been butting heads a bit more lately but whatever the reason for Rush's brisk attitude, he didn't want to give him an excuse to start an argument. "Are you saying they could be hostile?"

"There is always that possibility, yes. But Destiny clearly has extensive data on them from the seed ships, we just can't access it. If they were a threat She wouldn't be leading us to their doorstep."

"Anything on scanners?" asked Young.

Volker finally spoke through tightened vocal chords. "No real-time data from the planet yet, we're too far out."

"How long?"

"A few more minutes should do it."

Then Young felt an intense energy coming from Rush. He looked over at him, hunched over a console with his hands either side gripping it like the bridge had just been decompressed to space. His eyes flicked precariously over the information. Young was so good at reading his body language by now that he'd developed it into stages. At the moment, Rush was overwhelmed by a potential life-altering discovery. Once he came to a conclusion he would either relax, meaning they were safe, or he would maintain his intense silence until someone noticed and inquired, meaning they were quite possibly in serious danger.

Suddenly, Eli burst onto the bridge slightly sweaty around the edges of his shirt. "I think I know why Destiny brought us here."

At that moment, Rush leaned up, lips slightly parted, utterly lost for words and Young knew he had come to the same conclusion as Eli. Not taking his eyes from the Scottish scientist he asked, "What is it Eli?"

"The algorithms protecting the information about this planet looked really familiar, and then I realized that they use very similar base codes as the ones from Atlantis. So I tried some of them and got access to a small section of the data."

"Are you suggesting that they're –"

"Humans…yes!"

An unfamiliar beeping sounded from Volker's station, whose expression was the picture of confusion. "We're…being hailed?"

"Not just human," Rush interjected cryptically. "They're Ancients."

Eli lifted a finger. "I was getting there."

"Should we answer," Volker persisted.

Rush stepped forward as a physical barrier between the Colonel and his next order. "No. I don't think that would be wise."

"Why not?"

"Look, the incompatibility of Destiny's outdated systems with Atlantis level technology accounts for the corruption in the data which is preventing us from accessing all the files. That suggests that the data was put there from an external source."

"So whoever's on that planet uploaded those files to the seed ship which then relayed the information to Destiny,' Eli clarified. "And, assuming they're Ancients, protecting that info with Ancient algorithms would guarantee that only their descendents or other Ancients would be able to access it."

"If they're Ancients," Rush countered.

"But you just said they were Ancients," Brody contested.

Rush threw him a withering glare. "Yes, but that's the dilemma isn't it!"

Young sighed, rubbing his forehead. "I still don't see the problem."

Rush planted his hands on his hips and looked much like he was faced with mentally challenged children. "The Ancients launched Destiny and her seed ships hundreds of thousands of years before they built Atlantis."

"It's like being in Paris and then flying to Japan in an hour, it's not possible," Eli continued. "The timeline doesn't allow for there being Ancients with knowledge of Atlantis level technology this far out into the Universe, unless they figured out how to alter physics as we know it…"

Young nodded curtly. "I got it Eli, thank you. So if they're not Ancients…"

"Would you please listen!" Everyone turned to Rush, stunned but not surprised by the man's outburst. "The time they would have uploaded the files to the seed ship precedes the building of Atlantis."

Eli crossed his arms and squinted thoughtfully. "Sooo…they must be Ancients because no one else can master the use of their technology like they just did, but they can't be Ancients because that would be logistically impossible?"

Rush nodded as everyone else in the room came to terms with the paradox.

Brody turned back to his beeping console, skimming the incoming data. "We're getting sensor information. Destiny's detecting energy signatures indicative of Ancient technology, possibly weapons. No telling how big but there is definitely a civilization down there."

"Well we won't know if they're Ancients unless we talk to them," Young decided suddenly.

Outraged at being blown off so casually, Rush yelled, "You have no idea what we're dealing with!"

"I understand your concerns, Doctor Rush," the Colonel rebuked louder and raised a halting hand, "But right now my concern is whether or not they'll take our silence as a hostile move. I need to make sure that doesn't happen."

"What if we just jump back into FTL," Volker suggested.

Surprisingly it was Colonel Young who answered. "No, that would damage our FTL drive unnecessarily. We'll use that as a last resort. Besides, Destiny brought us here for a reason and we'd be fools not to capitalize on an opportunity like this; Ancients or not they are an advanced race and they might be willing to help us." Young knew he had taken the words right out of his Scottish friend's mouth, that for once his logic was synchronized with Rush's so there was no room for argument.

"In the meantime you and Eli can work on recovering as much of those files as you can. I wanna know everything there is to know about those people."

"Right, no problem," interjected Eli. "Though it might take a few…days."

"Then you better get started. Brody, please open a communication channel."

On all the bridge monitors appeared a docile looking woman with long brown hair. She turned her attention from another matter, appearing patient about having to wait so long.

"Greetings, my name is Maridia, third in command of the Alteran High Council." She smiled at her guest's wary glances. "You are no doubt skeptical of my claim and understandably so."

Eli stepped forward first and Colonel Young felt a great appreciation for his youthful, quick mind. "Hang on, you called yourselves Alterans. Would you by any chance be the same Alterans that built the Stargates…just in case there might be more than one Alteran race…"

"We are indeed those to whom you are referring. On your world you call us Ancients, a very accurate but conceited title if I may say so."

"Hang on, how do you know what we call you? For that matter how do you know us…you don't seem particularly surprised to see us on your ship."

Maridia smiled kindly, indulging her young interrogator. "You have many questions, young man, all of which I'm confident we can answer. Are you the leader of your people?"

Eli turned a deep shade of red. "Uhh...n-no I'm…no…he…"

"That would be me." The Colonel rose from his seat and clasped his hands behind his back. "Colonel Everett Young."

Maridia bowed her head lightly at him. She had the air of being much older and wiser than she looked. The way she smiled was as a mother would to a mischievous child; filled with understanding and patience and a bit of disapproval.

"Are all your people so bold, Colonel?"

"I apologize for Eli's forwardness. You can understand that we're still trying to figure out how you could be who you claim. The Ancients we know died from a plague in our home Galaxy or otherwise Ascended thousands of years ago." Somewhere in his mind, Everett was still struggling to come to terms with the fact that he was brokering his first civil alien encounter, alone billions of light years from backup. How many times had the SGC and Atlantis base been lured into a false sense of security by seemingly benign races only to be betrayed?

He was brought back to the present by the open look of shock on Maridia's face. Other Alterans had gathered behind her at the news. Overcoming the frantic whispers she said, "Forgive us, we had no idea. Our brothers and sisters left our planet eons ago and we have not heard from them since."

Eli couldn't help himself. "Wait, wait, wait. They left from _this _planet? Are you saying –"

"This is the original Alteran home world," answered Rush in complete awe. He stepped forward, removing his glasses and stared at Maridia with the highest reverence Young had ever seen on the man's face. She nodded, encouraging him to continue. "We knew that your people left your home galaxy millions of years ago, but we never found any records of where you were from or how many of you there were. I suppose we always assumed the entire population left…"

"Back then our race was terribly divided on our ideals. A large portion of the population believed that Ascension should be obtained spiritually, without the aid of technology. But the majority believed in the way of science and so we divided. Instead of war, those who wished to pursue the path to ascension through technology left in their most advanced ships."

Everyone on the bridge was acutely aware of just how delicate the next few words needed to be. Each knew what the other was thinking as they tried their best not to let their assumptions and fear show. Brody, Volker and Eli looked to the Colonel as the leader, but Young deferred to Doctor Rush as the leading expert on anything Ancient. He gave the scientist a look that implored him to handle the discussion with precision.

"Maridia, if you don't mind me asking, did any of your people manage to ascend…of those that stayed behind?" asked Rush.

"Indeed," she smiled proudly.

"Have they contacted you since?"

"They have not. But we all strive to join them. That is the foundation of our society."

"I see. Then how do you know about us?"

"Nearly a million years ago one of the seed ships sent ahead of Destiny passed by our planet, undoubtedly because it detected intelligence. We recognized the technology and quickly accessed its database, which was heavily protected. In it stored all the history and knowledge of our counterparts up until the ship's launch, including their attempts to populate other worlds. We compiled a comprehensive database of our own and sent the information back to the seed ship along with a command code ensuring that Destiny would one day come."

"So the algorithms I thought were from Atlantis…"

"They were the same ones guarding the database of the seed ship. It was obvious to my ancestors that the others had purposefully left that information there for us to find in the event that one of the ships found us. It was our hope that if they ever saw Destiny's mission to completion they would find the information we provided in turn, and one day reunite with us."

"They ascended before Destiny was far enough out into the Universe," Rush explained.

"It is unfortunate that we did not have a chance to amend our differences. However, we are just as pleased to meet their descendants."

"We're the second evolution of their race, yes," Rush confirmed.

"Hang on, how do you know that?" Eli asked briskly.

Miranda smiled, relaxed as ever by the onslaught of difficult questions. "Their database indicated that they successfully populated a planet called Terra. Please, let me assure you that we are those you call Ancients. Colonel, the Head of Council has been informed of your arrival and desires very much to meet you and your people. You are invited to meet with him at your convenience."

"Thank you, that's very generous. You'll understand if we take some time to discuss this amongst ourselves?"

"Of course. I await your response."

The monitors closed and everyone let out a breath they didn't know they were holding.

"Thoughts," Young invited.

"They're Ori," Eli stated.

"Not exactly," Rush said. "The Ori did ascend from the Ancients of this planet, but they don't seem to know anything about the Ori's history."

"And we're going to keep it that way," Young ordered. "We're going to keep all knowledge of the Milky Way Ancients under wraps as much as we can for as long as we can until we're one hundred percent certain that they aren't a threat."

"They could be lying," said Volker.

"About the fact that they're Ancients or that they don't know anything about the Ori?" Eli asked sarcastically.

Rush crossed his arms, once again looking like it was a challenge for him to be in the same room with such low IQ's. "Well as far as them being Ancients, there's no denying that. There's no way that they could be imposters with their level of understanding of Ancient technology. Their energy signature, appearance and the fact that the entire planet is layered with Naquada are all in their favor."

"But the Milky Way Ancients left here for a reason," interjected Eli. "Just because they're not Ori doesn't mean much when you consider that the Ori probably got a lot of their maniacal ideas from these guys."

"Which is why we're going to take every precaution when we go down there," said Young. He waited for Rush to protest, but nothing came. Indeed, the man looked torn between the uncertainties and the potential benefits.

Everett would never ever admit to anyone that times like these often found him wishing someone else was in command. If it wasn't for Rush's unreliable behavior and rudeness he would make a more suitable commander, he thought. He was glad for this rare agreement between them if only to give his nerves a break. Yet he found himself often yearning for more moments like these and wondered if the unruly Scott felt the same.

"Brody, please inform the Alterans that we accept their offer. I'll organize a team in the meantime." Young turned to leave.

"Actually Colonel, there was one thing." Rush's voice his the back of Young's head like a bag of bricks. "I'd like to join the away team, if that's alright by you."

Young wanted to collapse in relief and have a laugh, but he refrained opting for a succinct answer instead.

"Done."

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><p>From above in the shuttle the Alteran city looked shockingly similar to Atlantis, with long towers and spirals. The population seemed concentrated along the shore of an ocean where there was a port that docked a few very impressive ships. The weather was bright and clear, the sun reflecting nobly off the metallic surfaces of the buildings.<p>

Young had carefully picked the members of his team. Camille was the obvious choice to handle the diplomatic issues. Anyone else was liable to stuff that up. He had left Lieutenant Scott in command of Destiny in his absence, and so chose the loyal Sergeant Greer as his right man and Lieutenant James as backup. He had wanted Eli but his instincts demanded that those files be accessed ASAP. Doctor Park was his next choice; not only did Young appreciate her objectivity, but he got the impression more than once that she knew what she was doing a lot more than Brody or Volker. And lastly there was Doctor Rush, whom would have been Young's first pick. Regardless of the man's overbearing pragmatism, he was their only real chance of spotting inconsistencies in the Alteran's story.

Before departing, Young had gathered his crew for a short briefing and made them all aware of their current situation and the risks. He had ordered all military personnel to be on high alert. And the science teams were busy making sure that Destiny's systems were inaccessible. He couldn't shake the niggling feeling that his precautions weren't paranoia.

The team was instructed to land in an open plain of grass in a public park.

"This must mean they don't have any military facilities," said James confidently.

"This doesn't conclude anything," Rush retorted harshly. "Surely you can think of more than one case where an advanced civilization kept their technology hidden? The Genii, for instance."

"I was thinking more along the lines of the Nox," Young countered, effortlessly diffusing the tension. After all, there was the possibility that these people were just as benign and gentle as the Nox. As the shuttle door slid open, Young said, "Stay on your toes, keep your eyes peeled. And I want everyone on their best behavior." He threw a pointed look over his shoulder to Rush, who rolled his eyes defiantly.

"Welcome to our home," Maridia greeted as they walked down the ramp. She was alone, though to either side of them was a row of guards every few meters leading all the way to the entrance of a building.

Colonel Young was about to lead his team, assuming that was the next step, but Maridia rested a halting hand on his shoulder. "Before we proceed I feel it crucial that I inform you of particular social standards." Camille and Young looked cautiously between each other, neither liking this unexpected turn so early into the mission. "You stated during our earlier conversation that you are the leader of your people, Colonel Young."

"Of Destiny's crew, yes."

"Then that is what you must adhere to. All of you."

"With all due respect ma'am, we have a very structured chain of command," said Greer pointedly.

"I have no doubt." Maridia's smile was mildly tense. "Let me be direct. Certain habits that you take for granted – speaking out of turn, talking back to your superiors –are deeply frowned upon. Serious offenses of those rules are punishable by our most severe laws. Before you meet with the council you must be clear on the order of ranks."

"We understand," Camille compromised, "but on our planet, the civilian government commands the military, and both of those entities take advice from our scientists."

"Do you mean to say that you are in charge?" Maridia asked.

"Oh…no, that's not what I meant at all…"

Young stepped in. "What she means is that the military and the civilians aboard Destiny collaborate openly. We do not attempt to oppress each other."

"But who makes the final decisions?"

There was a heavy pause. Camille pinned her eyes to the ground and Park gazed cautiously between Rush and Young, the former of which looked on the edge of spilling something very rude. "Military," Young replied heavily.

"Then I must ask you to follow that to the letter, even if in jest."

"Why didn't you tell us this before," Rush said hotly.

"It is that sort of behavior that you must discontinue for the duration of our dealings," Maridia said pointedly.

"Rush has a point," Young stated. "It would have been better to know your terms before we came here."

"Would it have influenced the choosing of your team?"

There was no hesitation as Young replied, "Yes it certainly would have."

Maridia folded her hands in front of her and gave Rush a look that reminded him of his days at boarding school in Glasgow. "My apologies. However, council is waiting; we do not have time to make changes between members of your team. You must decide here the order of rank."

Young turned to his team and put on his game face. He found this whole thing very extreme and that gut clenching feeling of imminent danger was expanding through his system, made worse by having such an unpredictable bomb as Rush with him. He had no control over him and so felt unable to control his team as a unit.

"This is going to be the order, based on how we normally conduct ourselves aboard Destiny. It also takes into account the role of our military. Starting with me, then Camille, Sergeant Greer and Lieutenant James. That leaves Rush, and then Parks. Are we perfectly clear?"

"Yes, Sir!" the soldiers replied in unison.

"Because if we're not," he looked at Rush, "then you're jeopardizing everyone's safety."

"Just what exactly are these rules you're talking about," Rush asked. Young had been planning to ask that himself if Rush was only a little more patient. Barely a minute into their new roles and Rush was getting out of character…assuming he was ever in character.

"There are countless little things that are impossible for you to know, and so we do not expect you to follow. For instance, one must always walk behind a superior, not as an equal. It is the more serious offenses that you must not commit. Do not speak unless invited to do so at any time. Any sign of disrespect to a superior cannot come through, including towards the council. Above all do not question a superior."

Rush crossed his arms and snorted. "This is ridiculous. How are we supposed to have proper communication if we're not allowed to speak when necessary?"

"If you wish to meet with the council it is unavoidable. If you're prepared, please follow me." Maridia turned on her heels and began a brisk walk.

Young approached Rush and spoke low so the others couldn't hear. "I need you on this mission because you are my eyes and ears when it comes to the Ancients. But I don't know if I can trust you to keep your mouth shut."

"Believe me; I'm just as irritated by this whole thing as you are."

"Then maybe it would be better if you stayed here in the shuttle. Lieutenant James can stay with you."

"We both know that would make this a wasted trip. We're here to confirm who they claim to be and I'm the only one who can do that."

"Right. Then stick to the plan."

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><p>The meeting was an overall success. Council leader Eldran and his right hand man, Worrin, had welcomed them warmly to join them around the table. The rest of the council listened in silence as the hours slipped by through conversation. Young had announced that Rush was best suited to lead the discussion which was suitable to the Alterans. The Scott had made a few slips here and there, which hadn't gone unnoticed, but the information he provided was more than enough to compensate.<p>

Rush was very particular about what he chose to disclose about the Milky Way Ancients. He excluded the Ori completely and offered no detail on any matters of Ascension. He focused on Atlantis, the technologies they had invented and their culture, and had gone into great detail about the human role in the ongoing history of the Alteran race.

For their part, the Alterans gave Rush and Park extensive access to their database as they took the team through the finer episodes of their history, beginning with the departure of their brethren and their evolution into a very different society.

"Our group always believed in the natural path to ascension," Eldran had explained. "Any aid by technology was unacceptable and considered cheating. The true path to enlightenment comes from a deep spiritual connection to all the unseen realities around us. As you can see by our great city, we did not reject technology outright; we simply chose not to use it in our quest for Ascension. Therefore a philosophy developed based on research that had been conducted on the physical state of the brain at the moment of Ascension. Those chemical changes are in direct correlation with how one leads their life. Therefore all of our culture, which may seem foreign to you in comparison to the Alterans to which you are familiar, is in fact based on the science of the mind."

They had then been invited on a virtual tour of the city. The building they were presently occupying was the chief government house, much like Parliament in America. There was a room dedicated to knowledge on the top floor, much like the one on Atlantis.

"It's like something outta Star Trek," Greer chuckled as the room morphed into various historical and significant sites. Young was on edge, constantly eying Rush for any sign that the man had spotted some flaw, an inconsistency that proved they weren't Ancients. It wasn't until they had been given accommodations while they waited for a banquet in their honor that they all got to talk.

"They look like Ancients, their architecture and technology is certainly Ancient, but they're simpler than the Ancients we know," Camille pointed out. "By this time they should have advanced far beyond what they are now."

"They've chosen to stunt their technological evolution in favor of their religious beliefs," Rush said.

"Okay, what are the odds that the seed ships would come across the original Alteran home world?" Young asked.

"Astronomical unless you assume that the Milky Way Ancients sent the seed ships in this direction on purpose, in which case the odds are at least tangible," Rush replied. "Their story is flawless…" He paused and didn't continue.

"What's wrong, Sir?" James asked when she spotted the Colonel so deep in thought.

"He knows this is too good to be true. We all do," Rush provided. "And given what the SGC has experienced we can't rule out the possibility that there's something else at play here."

"Right, like replicators," Park said.

"Well we've already determined that's not the case here." Rush and waved the Kino sensor around. "But since we're in an entirely unknown galaxy, she shouldn't rule anything out. Though I don't know how anyone could imitate Ancient technology so perfectly."

Park grimaced and shivered imperceptibly. "Their whole ritualistic society gives me the creeps. Did you see how everyone behaved with each other? It's like they're all brainwashed; reminds me of cults back on Earth."

Young shook his head and his face grew dark. "Something's not right."

Greer nodded, the fire of loyalty burning in his gaze as he prepared to follow his Commander, whatever decision he made. "What would you like us to do, Sir?"

"We'll attend the banquet so that we don't attract suspicion. Then we'll make our way back to Destiny; I'll consult with home world security and we'll have a look at what Eli's uncovered so far. We'll go from there."

Later Colonel Young would curse his decision outright. What had he suffered through training for if he didn't listen when his instincts demanded that his team was in a bad situation? A thousand apologies would never reverse the next hours and Rush would never be the same…

TBC...

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><p>For those half a dozen people who will actually read this, please R&amp;R ;)<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning:** This chapter has heavy content, so take care if you're sensitive.

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews. I write these stories to free up head space, but it's always nice to see that a few others enjoy them as well.

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><p>Before the feast, Colonel Young and Sergeant Greer had trekked back to the shuttle to report to Destiny. Scott was under orders to bring a full military unit in the second shuttle if they didn't report back in six hours. Eli had meticulously uncovered over half the database uploaded to Destiny and so far there was nothing incriminating. However, there were parts he wasn't able to read.<p>

_"It looks like a really old Alteran dialect. Rush would have to have a look,"_ was what Eli had said. And before the Colonel could ask, Eli told him that the information was too protected and he wasn't able to transfer it anywhere else, which meant they would have to wait until they got back. Regardless, Rush was nowhere to be found in the hours before the banquet.

_"It's really weird,"_ said Eli._ "It's mostly normal Ancient and then suddenly is changes to this other language."_

"And you're sure it's also Ancient derivative?"

_"I'm pretty sure. It's like writing with the English alphabet but not using them to form proper words."_

Nothing about this sat well with Everett. But Camille was well on her way to negotiating supplies and even technology that his crew desperately needed. How much could they really afford to pass up this opportunity because he didn't have a 'good feeling'? The Alterans hadn't slipped up once. They even had a brief conversation with Rush in Ancient.

So the good Colonel plastered on his poker face and smiled, joked and engaged in small talk over dinner. He felt like he was on the set of an intergalactic version of the Stepford Wives; all was top perfect, too gay. And the way these Alterans subordinated themselves to their superiors was almost fetish-like. The only other person who was visibly disturbed was Rush. His plate was mostly bare and Young surmised the only reason he had eaten anything was not to attract questions. They locked eyes across the table and Young knew instantly that Rush was hiding something, but the look in his eyes pleaded for the chance to say what was on his mind.

Colonel Young casually excused himself by folding his serviette next to his plate. Greer watched from the corner of his eye as he continued to speak with the Alteran next to him, ready to spring into action. They had been asked to leave their weapons in their rooms, but Greer always kept a spare 9 mil hidden, just in case. Young calmly walked to the door and Rush did the same, blessedly understanding his signal. But the guard at the door turned his broad chest to them and refused to let them pass.

"You have not been given permission to leave!"

The room went quiet and turned to them.

Young tried the diplomatic approach first, even though his nerves were burning for a reason to punch the man's face into the next room. "I wasn't aware that we couldn't take some time out to use the facilities."

Eldran rose from his seat. "It's alright, you may go. However you must do so one at a time."

"Oh for God's sakes," Rush hissed.

"Rush, keep calm," Young warned.

"What seems to be the problem?" Eldran asked.

If Young had the ability to freeze time only once it would be now. In the second it took for this all to go wrong he felt Rush's overwhelming fury swell like a tidal wave. He had no time to do anything before it crashed onto the shore and swept them all away in its uncontrollable force.

"The problem," Rush started, stepping forward with a finger out in accusation. "The problem is that you aren't Ancients!"

Young was in front of Rush before the man finished his sentence. "Take it easy, what's going on," he asked quietly, hoping Rush would follow suit and lower his voice.

Unfortunately the stubborn Scott continued loud enough for everyone's ears as he addressed the Head of Council. "I found your little dark secret. I couldn't understand it at first, but I'm sure you thought it would stay that way or you wouldn't have given me such free access to your database."

"I find this most uncomfortable," Eldran said. And by the whispers around the table so did everyone else.

Young put out a hand indicating he'd address the issue and turned back to Rush. "Talk to me, what did you find?"

"A religious text, what they consider their creed on behavior," Rush spat, his burning eyes locked on Eldran. "That's how you control your people, isn't it! They live in fear of the consequences of breaking your precious laws, which you claim keeps them in the 'right state of mind' to achieve Ascension!"

"That text was written by the Council that lived during the time of the separation. It was made to ensure we wouldn't stray from the path."

"What you're doing isn't law, it's torture and refusal of basic dignity to the accused!"

The collective gasp made the hairs on the back of Young's head prickle. "That's enough," he whispered harshly. "We're all in danger if you make this into a big scene. Now back up, you told me they were Ancients and now they aren't?"

"They may be genetically Ancient and use their technology, but they're nothing like them. On the surface all looks well and peaceful but there's a dark vein infecting all levels of government. They're fascists."

"You have broken enough of our rules as it is," Eldran stated curtly. "We have been accommodating to your different way of doing things; however this is quickly reaching a point of offense. Perhaps it would be best to discuss this in private."

"You'd like that wouldn't you," Rush blurted, completely disregarding the Colonel. "You've been keeping me separated from my team ever since I discovered it in the database. God forbid any public discussion regarding your revolting practices, you sick bastard!"

Worrin launched to his feet and looked like he'd just been slapped. "Seize him!"

Suddenly all the guards on the premise swarmed them, pulling Rush away. Young flung out his hand and grasped the sleeve of his shirt, simultaneously dropping an Alteran with a clean elbow to the jaw. Camille and Park stepped back, their hands in front of them in shock and surrender. James went to help the men but was cut off. Young received a massive blow to the head and let go of Rush. Through bleary eyes he saw Rush fighting with all he had. Two much larger men held his hands behind his back and still he gave them hell. Then Worrin approached with a small device in his hand. He pressed it to Rush's chest and he convulsed and fell to his knees.

A loud bang and everyone instinctively lowered themselves a foot or two. Greer was the only one fully upright, a gun in his right hand pointed to the ceiling where there was a smoking hole. He lowered it towards Eldran and readied the shot with a click of his thumb.

"Don't think I won't do it." His voice was as calm as the death he was so prepared to inflict. "Let them go or I will shoot you."

Eldran faced Greer, his ego overwhelming any fear that might be present. "You are most welcome. But if you kill any of our people you shall all be put to death without trial."

"Surrender your firearm, Sergeant," Young managed to order through his haze. With mild hesitation Greer handed it to an Alteran guard. Then Rush was gone and Young, along with the remainder of his team, were escorted to separate rooms and locked in without a word; their weapons had been removed.

After a minute alone, Young began pacing. His breathing sounded more and more like an angry bull. Then he slammed his fists and forearms into the wall, shaking the entire room. He had completely lost control. Damn that man! And damn that he ever brought him along! How could he lead if someone wouldn't follow his orders…was that just an excuse?

_Knock knock knock._

Young looked lazily for the source of the noise. Again someone knocked, this time in a pattern he recognized: _S.O.S._ He felt along the wall, tapping it with his palm until he heard a hollow section. The person knocked again: _James._

_I hear you_, he replied in Morse code.

_What is the plan_, she knocked back.

_Nothing._ Young checked the time. _3 hours left. Buy time. Wait it out. Relay to Greer._

_Understood._

A few minutes later Young was taken away without the other four. They brought him to a sheltered court supported by old columns. The stone floor gave way to dirt and grass as the chamber opened up to the outside where hundreds of people had gathered. In the center of the court was a large dais. Along its edges were embedded metal rings. Young was thrust towards it and, getting the hint, he stepped up.

On either side of the dais were raised benches where the entire Alteran council now sat. Eldran, Worrin and Maridia were in the centre of them all, the latter looking dismal and apologetic. Everyone seemed to be waiting for some big event and Young was sure he was part of it; the sacrificial lamb on the butcher's block. And then the murmurs increased and Young followed the crowd's prying eyes to a door opposite to where he had come in.

In walked Rush, head held high in defiance. His hair and clothing looked like he hadn't stopped fighting and Young felt a pang of pride. They shoved the scruffy Scott next to the Colonel and chained his hands to one of the loops.

"Did they hurt you?"

Inside Rush was touched by the other man's concern, but on the surface he sneered out of principle.

Eldran rose first, followed by the other two by rank and the crowd grew silent. "We welcomed these descendants of our long-gone counterparts. We accommodated their different culture and they returned the courtesy by insulting our customs outright! Now they will face the consequences by public humiliation."

"How original," Rush snarked.

Eldran motioned to one of the members who stood and opened an extremely decrepit book to a pre-marked page and read, "Under the supervision of his superior, Colonel Everett Young, the offender, Doctor Nicholas Rush commited a breach of law; section 42, lines 20 through 22 which states: Any act of aggression and/or humiliation towards a member of the High Council shall be met with equal public disgrace. Should the accused wish to withdraw from the punishment, they and their accompanying offenders shall be put to death. To this end, once the requirements are met, the offenders shall be free to go without further return. In accordance to our laws the offender, Doctor Nicholas Rush, shall be forcibly taken by his superior."

If their lives weren't on the line Young would laugh. What was apparently normal for these Alterans took quite longer to sink into the two men's brains. Young cleared his throat and scratched the side of his neck. "I'm…sorry?"

"As Doctor Rush's superior the responsibility of discipline falls to you," Eldran clarified.

"I understand that and on our world it's much the same. Rush will be properly disciplined once we're back on board Destiny."

"You are on our world and you will follow our law! The requirements shall now be stated."

The guy with the book began the increasingly odious list. "The offender will remain bound at all times. The punishment does not end until the superior has reached climax. No lubrication is permitted. No preparation is permitted. The offender must completely undress…"

"This is bloody insanity," Rush hissed through gritted teeth.

"If you knew this was the punishment why did you open your loud mouth?" Young challenged.

"Well I didn't know about this one specifically!"

"You didn't have to! God damnit, Rush! Provoking them is exactly what I ordered you not to do!" Young backed off when he saw Rush didn't seem to have much fire left in him; better not to waste what was left because they would need it. He looked at his watch; two and a half hours and Scott would come with reinforcements. "Have you ever done this before?"

"Done what exactly…"

"You know what. Being with another man."

"No. H-have you?"

There was no point hiding anything now. "Yeah, a couple times before I joined the Airforce," Young admitted." Rush flicked his head at the Colonel in complete surprise. "Before you ask, I was the top."

"Oh good, you know what you're doing then."

"I am not in the mood for your God damn sarcasm now, Rush."

"Indeed, because I was just thinking how I'd very much like to get rooted up the ass by someone who left me on an alien planet to die!"

"You have 30 minutes to comply. If the punishment is not complete at that time you will be put to death," concluded book boy. So much for buying time.

Young set his watch on a 30 minute countdown. Rush finally looked like the gravity of their situation had sunk in. When the Colonel turned to him he flinched, his chains rattling slightly. Young prayed that Rush's pragmatism would work in their favor.

"Look, if we don't do this we're all dead," Young stated dumbly.

"I know."

"If it was just our lives on the line it would be different, but we cannot afford to lose the others."

"I know!"

"I don't want…to fight you." Rush slowly turned into Young's eyes. "Neither of us wants to do this, but since there's no way around it…it'll be much easier if you just…let…me."

Rush nodded deliberately and to Young's astonishment, he began to undress; pragmatism at its best. Young surprised his companion in turn when he too shed his clothing. He wasn't going to allow Rush to bear the full humiliation. He was evening out the field as much as he could.

Both men averted their gaze from the obvious. At least Rush had his hands tied together in front of him as an excuse to cover himself. But time was precious and they needed to get down to the act, and that's when the Colonel suddenly got an idea. Mustering every ounce of his strength and determination he grasped Rush by the shoulders and faced him. Rush looked up at him like a man about to die.

"Forget about everyone else," Young said. "It's just you and me here. We don't know any of these people, and they don't know us. Once this is over they won't think twice about what happened. The others aren't here, and no one ever needs to know what happened except TJ. Let's put our egos aside and just do it."

"Easy for you to say, you're not the one about to be buggered up the ass by a prime example of human manliness."

Young didn't know whether to be offended or flattered by that statement. Rush continued, "Though if it came down to choice I suppose there isn't anyone else here I'd rather do this with."

Young couldn't help himself. "And why's that, exactly?"

"Well, you're not diseased, for one. And seeing as you've done this before, the chances of complications are less likely."

"Ah…" Everett failed to keep the disappointment from his face.

"Don't flatter yourself, that wasn't meant as a compliment."

"And here I thought you were sweet-talking me."

"On the other hand," Rush went on, ignoring the Colonel's participation in their conversation, "Given the amount of trust that exists between us, or lack therefore…I suppose anyone would be better suited to this than you."

Rush had hit a nerve in the Colonel for sure. Of course he was right; if this was one of his own, a military officer under his command, the trust alone would make the experience bearable. The officer would be able to separate the act from the person. Rush would probably take it personally, as if Everett was using this as an opportunity to hurt him.

"If you think I'm going to take any sort of satisfaction from this…"

"Aren't you? I suppose reaching orgasm doesn't count then?"

"That choice has been made for us. That doesn't mean I'll make a point of enjoying it," Young retorted angrily. "This is not something I would wish on anyone. I don't want to hurt you."

Rush pinned the Colonel with eyes that took his breath away and threatened to rip his heart out of his throat. He felt like this could be the most important turning point in his life and he was being judged for how he would handle himself.

"Look at me and say it!" Rush demanded with all his fire, as if executing a challenge. Tied up and naked in front of a thousand people and he still controlled the situation. Young couldn't help but admire Rush's epic willpower.

Young allowed himself to be sucked up by those black pupils as he reiterated, "I don't want to hurt you. If I could switch places with you I would. Trust me just this once."

Rush didn't break his gaze for what felt like minutes. Young heard the time racing bye but if Rush needed this to proceed then he had no choice but to comply. His eyes searched Young's, flicking from one to the other; he was almost leaning in to get a better look, as if there might be a clue there to Young's credibility.

Finally Rush relaxed and Young's body mimicked him. "Alright," Rush murmured, mostly for his own benefit.

It was now or never as Young clasped Rush's shoulders and crouched; Rush went with him. Then Young leaned forward and, keeping the other's restraints in mind, lowered him to the cold ground. He wanted Rush to be able to see him, look in his eyes at any time and confirm that he wasn't gaining any personal benefit from this. Young had always been good at temporarily detaching parts of his self from the whole, literally imagining that part of him being cut away and stored in a box for later.

So he emptied his cup of all human precepts about natural law, men being only with women, homophobia, the taboo of gays in the military and leaned down to place a soft kiss on Rush's lips. The latter stiffened and brought his tied hands to his chest in defense. Young pulled briefly away then went in for another, this time covering as much of Rush's body with his own. The Scott's beard rubbed against his own afternoon shadow, but the man's lips were gloriously soft and he tasted sweet and pleasant.

The spectators jeered and laughed and shouted at them but neither heard. Young had created for them a private world that would last as long as they needed it to. Rush was responding to the kiss, pushing his tongue across the Colonel's teeth. If he was free to grab him he would. Understanding his desire, Young cupped Rush's cheek gently in his hand. He couldn't believe Rush's receptiveness, his softness. In a sick way he was finally seeing the person beneath all that terrible armor.

Then Rush pulled away and gave Young one last deep look before resting his head against the dais. He completely flopped in his side, reminding Young of a suffering dog about to be euthanized. When Young rested his hand against his hip, Rush brought his arms up to cover his face. His toes were curled and his muscles were tight.

Young sat back on his heels and let his hand wander lower. He had heard the rules of the punishment, he knew that any deviation from them meant that it became void and they would likely be killed. But they hadn't said he couldn't touch Rush how he wanted, as long as he didn't penetrate him with his fingers. But dear God how was this going to happen if there was no preparation or lubrication! The best he could do was get Rush accustomed to something touching him there before he went in for the kill.

When Rush felt the Colonel's fingers brush his entrance he instinctively seized up and buried his head even further into his arms. Then he felt Young's weight come over him and a hot mouth whispered in his ear, "when I push into you, you have to push against me." Rush whimpered; this was it. Young's cock was slowly building pressure against him and he shook his head and moaned like an uncooperative child.

Young covered his mouth and feigned a few coughs, discretely spitting into his hand. He rubbed himself with it and positioned himself. If he waited too long it would dry up. "Ready," he warned and with a broken, "I'm sorry," he plunged all the way into Rush.

Rush's scream was otherworldly. He bucked his hips forward to get away but Young had him immobile.

"You're too tense, try to relax."

"I can't, you're tearing me apart!"

"Just trust me! Breathe in and on the exhale force yourself to relax."

No sooner had Rush complied did the Alteran with the book say, "The superior must not pause; it is a violation of the punishment!"

Young hung his head, his only hope of making this bearable for Rush destroyed. "Damnit…"

"Oh God, please don't…" Rush pleaded, knowing it was pointless.

Young pulled out an inch and it felt like fire! Rush flung his head back and yelled. Again and again the Colonel thrust into him and Rush couldn't stop his own voice. Just when he felt like he would break, he looked at the other man and saw the pure rage on his face and that's how he knew he wanted nothing more than to kill the ones responsible for his pain. Somewhere deep inside him, despite his amazing agony and humiliation, a bud of trust was growing.

Young kept his gaze on Rush's solar plexus, taking care not to let his emotion transmit to physical release. He wasn't going any harder than he needed to. The only thing keeping him hard was the friction and when it lessened he looked down to see blood. His experience at anal sex wasn't too broad but he knew enough about male anatomy to try a theory. He angled his hips up, simultaneously lifting Rush up with him. It took a few tries but he got the desired result when Rush jumped and saw stars.

Rush looked at Young for an answer only to have that same spot in him brushed again and he exhaled pleasurably. His prostate was assaulted repeatedly until his voice couldn't get any louder and his muscled couldn't tense any harder.

Quietly so not to be heard, Rush demanded more. He stretched his arms out and, getting the message, Young leaned down and wrapped Rush completely in his body. His arms held his shoulders above the ground and their hips were nestled together.

"Harder," Rush whined.

Young faltered in his rhythm. "You're torn, I don't think…"

"I'm close," Rush panted.

"…remember, you asked for it."

All the tension Young had held back was now infused in his thrusts. The ache in his groin demanded to be relieved and he pushed deeper and deeper trying to make it stop. He had never fucked someone so hard before. He thought the crowd was jeering until he realized it was Rush reaching his peak. That pushed the Colonel over the edge. His thrusts slowed as he spilled inside his unwilling lover.

As his vision cleared, Young's limbs grew cold. Rush was shivering beneath him and he sat up immediately. Rush was half conscious and his eyes were wet. Tear paths ran down to his hair. Cursing, Young took his pulse and looked at his pupils and quickly concluded that he was in shock.

"Shit…Come on, sit up, snap out of it and stay with me," Young urged and hauled Rush up and draped his jacket across his shoulders. He rubbed his back vigorously and whacked the energy point on his spine.

Young's attention was diverted as the whole council rose in unison. With raised hands Eldran proclaimed, "The offending subordinate has been sufficiently punished." He looked at Young. "Take him and leave and never return."

Young quickly dressed as the crowd dispersed. His rage was swelling and so was the bile in his throat. He watched the back of Eldran's head as he and the other members filed through the doors and imagined a clean shot exploding through his skull. If they thought they would just leave after this…no, Young had very special plans for them.

Rush had come to enough awareness to pull on his pants and Everett helped him into his shoes. "I'm going to get you back to Destiny, to TJ. Can you walk?" Young winced at the absurdity of his question. Nevertheless Rush tried to stand…and buckled into the Colonel's arms.

"Easy, easy! Just hang on a sec." Young thought hard about his next move. He needed to gather the rest of his team but he couldn't leave Rush. He'd have to carry him all the way back to the rooms then to the shuttle. He was prepared to do it when he heard footsteps that sounded like military issue boots.

Greer, James, Park and Camille came running in, the first two with guns at the ready.

"Sargeant, they let you go?"

"Not exactly, Sir," the young man evaded, taking in his new surroundings and assuming a defensive position in front of the obviously injured Rush.

"I told him you ordered us to stay put, but he had his own ideas," James said disapprovingly but half smiled.

This was the first time Young had known Greer to disobey orders and it couldn't have happened at a better time.

Park stared at Rush with open concern. "What happened?"

"We'll talk about that later. Sergeant, I will assume that you made a forceful exit and reclaimed your weapons without their permission?"

"Yes, Sir!"

"Good. Rush can't walk, you two need to cover us to the ship. James you got our six?"

"Already done, Colonel," she stated confidently.

Young carried Rush bridal style all the way to the shuttle. The man wasn't heavy but his arms were burning when they got there. His adrenaline was crashing and so was he. He knew he must also be in light shock but pushed through it. He wasn't done yet. He lay Rush down on his side in the back of the shuttle with Park and took the helm.

"Destiny, this is Colonel Young."

_"We read you loud and clear,"_ Scott responded.

"We're on our way back. Lieutenant…ready all military officers and prep Destiny for battle. Meet me in my office and bring Eli."

_"Sir?"_

"Don't make me repeat myself! Those bastards are going to get no less than they deserve."

TBC...

* * *

><p>Tell me what you think! I would not want to be the poor soul that Colonel Young seeks revenge upon. It's always the quiet, composed ones that are the maddest inside _ Also, a cookie goes to the person who can figure out the title of the story in relation to the plot...if you can at this stage.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Young is so badass. That is all.

* * *

><p>"Destiny was built in space, she wasn't meant to withstand planetary gravity!" Brody yelled.<p>

"She can handle flying through a star; I think a little atmospheric entry isn't that difficult to compensate for!" Volker retorted, just as heatedly.

"So what, you think I'm an idiot…you think I don't know that?"

"That's not the point," Park interjected, "do we even have enough energy for this?"

"Why are we even discussing it?" Camille asked, making a place for herself between the three scientists.

Colonel Young wedged through the crowd surrounding his desk and slammed a rifle on its surface. Everyone jumped and the silence was absolute. "Enough." His voice was worn, tired and dirty, just like his body, just like he felt.

"I want everyone who wasn't invited to be here to leave, now."

"But, Colonel I don't know that you understand –"

"Now!"

Brody, Volker and Park filed out without another word, all looking solemn for their own reasons. Greer was about to follow them but Young held him back and he stood to attention, ready for action.

Young addressed Eli, who had been silent through the other's pointless tiff. "All I want to know is if you can get Destiny through the planet's atmosphere and out again in one piece and if we'll have enough energy to sustain FTL until our next recharge. Yes or no, I don't want to hear anything else."

"It's not so black and white," Eli approached cautiously, "There are many, many things to consider…"

"Yes or no."

"I can modify Destiny's shields for atmospheric entry, yes. We may have a few damaged systems on our hands at the end of it, though."

"And power?"

"Enough for what we need to do but it'll deplete us significantly. We'll have to stop at the nearest star."

"According to you that's a few days away by FTL."

"Right."

"Good. That's Good." The Colonel's monstrously dark face starved his words of optimism. Eli was so unsure what to make of the situation that he could only hold still, like a deer waiting for its unseen killer to make its next move. He felt that if he merely breathed the Colonel might lash out.

Camille crossed her arms and unconsciously put herself between the Colonel and the door. "You have no authority; in fact you have no right to do this."

Young responded in a bored, patronizing tone, "And what are you going to do about it?"

"I'll report you to the SGC."

"And what will they do about it? Strip me of my rank? Replace me? With who…You tell me one person on this ship willing to make the decisions I have to make!"

"What you're doing is wrong!" Camille persisted. Ah…the old 'it's wrong' trick…Young had already won this confrontation.

"I didn't invite you here for your opinion. I just wanted to keep you in the loop. The decision is already made."

Scott stepped forward, mustering his famous courage which suddenly felt so scarce. "Sir, maybe you should listen to her…I don't see the benefit of going after those people. We have all our people…we can leave now and never be bothered by them again."

"They owe us what they promised and I'm going to make sure we get it. It's that simple." Avoiding eye contact with everyone, Young picked up his firearm and walked out.

Greer turned to Camille and gently said, "Whatever happened to them on that planet, Rush got hurt, and I have the feeling it wasn't in your typical definition of the word. When someone under your command has been assaulted, it doesn't matter who it is, we look out for our own. The rules are there as a guide, but every Commanding Officer knows that sometimes it's better to follow what's right in your heart, not what's written in the books.

"He's breaking half a dozen of our most sacred rules," Camille persisted, though she wrapped her arms around herself in a vulnerable manner.

"Don't judge him for it, respect him for it. He is going out of his way for the last person on this ship we thought he'd risk his life for. Doesn't that tell you anything about the type of man Colonel Young is…?"

Meanwhile, out in the corridor, Scott had caught up to his CO.

Everett spoke before his young officer had the chance. "You're either with me or you're not, Lieutenant. I won't take it personally."

"I'm with you, Sir –"

"Then why do I sense lingering doubts?"

"It's just…your reaction isn't like you. You're emotionally involved. This is revenge."

Young stopped walking and faced Scott with only a few inches between them. Even within that proximity he spoke so low that Scott still struggled to hear. "I don't need you to lecture me; all I need is your trust. Don't ask questions, don't think, just do what I tell you. If there is a fraction of a percent that isn't with me, don't bother coming."

Scott nodded and looked at the floor. "With all due respect, Sir…I would think by now you'd know that answer yourself?"

A faint smile graced Everett's face and he clasped Scott firmly on the shoulder. He was completely prepared to go alone, but his success was greater with his team at his side. All the mission reports from SG-1 he had judged where they had disobeyed orders, broken rules and blown stuff up now made absolute sense.

They reached the armory, which was essentially an empty room they used to store all the gear that the crew had brought through with them. Scott stood dazed for a while as he watched the Colonel furiously gather what he needed. Young strapped on leg, shin and arm guards. He added extra rounds to his belt and put more in a backpack, along with C4 and various other implements. Next he found the knives and slotted one in every convenient place along his body. Two spare handguns went in his hip holsters and he slung his rifle over his shoulder and the bag across his back. The final touch was a helmet and night vision goggles; The Sun was beginning to set over the Alteran city and it would be dark before his mission was through.

"You got everything?" he asked Scott.

"Uhh…uh…yeah, just…getting it now…"

Young tapped his Lieutenant on the arm. "Good. I'll meet you at the shuttle in ten."

Young's boots hit the ground harder with every step. He hardly felt the extra fifty pounds of gear as his adrenaline once again spiked. Though he had previously spent days at a time without a shower in some of the dirtiest places on his, it didn't compare to how sullied he currently felt. The clamminess was still there in his groin. Suddenly, the gravity of what he had done slowed him down almost to a stop.

A good thing too, because he had arrived at the infirmary and if he went in there angry and looking like he did he would likely aggravate Rush's weak constitution. With deliberately light steps Young turned the corner and saw the man lying on one of the tables wrapped thickly in blankets. He was pale and still; if not for the oxygen mask over his nose Young would think he was dead.

"Colonel Young," Tamara greeted, at first somewhat taken aback by his appearance.

"How…how is he?"

"Stable. His shock started subsiding a few minutes ago."

"What about his uhmm…physical…"

"He won't let me touch him, which is normal for someone who's…been raped."

Young closed his eyes and swallowed hard. He had only told TJ half the story; his involvement was still their secret. When he approached Rush she didn't try to stop him.

"He's in and out of consciousness, and he might not take well to another man's presence right now," she cautioned. The man's mind wasn't even on the same plane of existence as the rest of them; he was in his own world, trapped in his own thoughts. To try to get bring him back to reality was like denying a bird its flight.

"Rush…" Young whispered. He almost used his hand to rouse him but pulled back like he'd been burnt. He called a little louder and Rush's eyes opened heavily and rolled around. His vision was poor; all he saw was a mass of darkness in front of him but, recognizing the voice, he searched for a face.

"Colonel Young," he rasped through his mask.

"I'm right here," he promised.

"Are we…aboard Destiny?"

Everett had to smile at the other man's determination not to let on that he was afraid. Without knowing it Rush was behaving like a good soldier, unwilling to show anyone his weaknesses and denying he was in pain.

"Yeah, you're in the infirmary. TJ'S here, she's going to look after you."

Rush shook his head and pulled the blankets tighter around his shoulder and opted for a deflecting question. "Why do you look like you're about to attempt to diffuse a terrorist bomb?"

"I am the terrorist." Young's features seeped into darkness.

He expected Rush to revolt, to protest, to insist that whatever his plan was it wouldn't work. Young was even disappointed that Rush wasn't already ahead of the game; he hadn't predicted his next move or he wasn't letting on.

"You're just going to march in there and start shooting people, are you? That's a good way to get killed."

Young shook his head at Rush's politically incorrect way of showing concern. He felt a heartstring tug as, in the past, Rush would have lost no sleep over the idea of his death. Rush was permanently changed and Young was guilty for feeling grateful. He was about to make his exit when the other's shivering words chilled him with their vulnerability.

"Please come back."

Young stepped closer and gently wrapped his gloved hand around the smaller man's wrist. He was elated that Rush didn't pull away. "Right after I get my message to those people. And Rush...you need medical attention. That's an order."

He left his sentence hanging, the true impact not yet realized by the Colonel. For Rush it was like a slap in the face; I told you so. His failure to follow orders had cost him so much, he'd be a fool to keep insisting on doing everything his way. At its core, the act of following orders was all about trusting your leader to prioritize the team's interests. The individual came second. And when there was only one person involved, the leader's role was to make decisions for their benefit.

For the moment Rush was too numb to have a reaction. In a way it was a blessing for him to have the freedom to analyze what was happening to him without the clouding effect of emotion. When he thought of the Colonel he realized that the predominant manifestation was fear, not of the Colonel, but for the attachment he was forming towards him…

Despite the awful things that had transpired, Colonel Young had taken care of him. It could have been way worse, Rush realized. His face became hot when he remembered how good Young had eventually felt inside…the Colonel had no other reason to do that for him other than to ease his suffering. Out of that care grew the trust…Rush couldn't help his desire to let it blossom. As much as anyone would expect him to continue keeping the Colonel out of reach, he felt the urge to reel him in instead. Young had acted with such responsibility that he couldn't be faulted, and in Rush's mind that made him worthy of more than he was prepared to give.

Rush watched the other man walk away, a warrior in his battle armor off to defend. Rush wasn't blind sighted; Young sought revenge for selfish reasons. He had been humiliated as well. But the emotion that so strongly drove him to action was the result of feeling that what was rightfully his had been violated. Rush was certain he wouldn't go so far otherwise. If it was all about Young they would be back in FTL by now. Rush felt suddenly warm and protected.

Young was risking his life to reclaim his honor.

* * *

><p><p>

It was like something only Hollywood produced. Destiny descended from the heavens, creating a dark malicious cloud that swirled about her hull. Ironically, as old as she was, the Alteran weapon's fire did little to rattle her. A few well aimed blasts destroyed their defense. Then the dented little shuttle that looked like it didn't have a hope in the world of returning blazed down to the gleaming city. Anyone watching this movie who didn't know what was going on would think Young and his team were the bad guys, viciously assaulting a peaceful race.

No sooner was the shuttle ramp down that a figure that looked like it belonged in a GI-Joe movie launched across the grass. It moved faster than all the weight it carried should have allowed. Its arms moved in tandem with its legs, giving it extra air, longer strides. It looked like a suicide mission, or a super soldier with superior capabilities; like a man who knew he was about to win.

"The Colone is away," Scott yelled into his radio. Sweat trickled down his neck and down his back, wetting his tattered shirt. He stared at his commander with wide eyes, every muscle in his body fighting not to follow him. Then Greer put a hand on his shoulder.

"If he needs our help, he'll call. We have our own mission to achieve."

"What if he's injured and can't call for help…"

"That won't happen." When Scott still looked doubtful Greer pulled him towards the hatch and they looked at the tiny speck as it reached the Alteran parliament and slithered in undetected. "In all my time of service, in the Marines, Special Forces and Stargate Command, I have never seen a person so focused and dedicated to completing a mission. A man like that doesn't just die."

* * *

><p>Colonel Young didn't know he was out of breath. He felt adrenaline like nothing before shred into his muscles, could feel the immense power at his disposal laced with the slightly weak feeling deep in his tissue that always accompanied the hormone. He was inside, deep into the belly of the beast. He turned a corner with his rifle squeezed between his trigger finger and shoulder. The glow of the setting Sun rushed through the windows like fire. Every single dust particle was visible floating through the air.<p>

The Kino with him was already at the next corner and showed an empty hall ahead. Eli had instructed the device to hover just above ground, and in the darkening halls, all the occupied areas hadn't noticed it. Colonel Young changed his route a few times, or waited for Alterans to pass. Finally, he found the grungy stairway so out of place amongst the glistening modern architecture that led to the courtyard.

It took Young a moment to actively separate himself from what had happened when he saw the raised dais and the chains still where they had left them. He sprung into action, securing two packs of C-4 to every column that supported the ceiling. Then it was just the Colonel, his wet sweaty breath and the cracked, defiled altar of their humiliation. He stepped up like he had only hours ago and planted the rest of his explosives right in the center.

Young stared at the stains under his feet; layers and layers of old, dried blood from centuries of abuse. And on top of it all, fresh and dark, the blood of the man he had raped. Young's face was immovable, tight, a fragile mask disguising the turmoil and hate brewing just beneath. He was nowhere near finished…

Instead of heading back to the shuttle, Young crept deeper into the building until he found what he'd been looking for; he spotted Worrin walking stiffly to an elevator. Once the man was out of sight, Young grabbed his radio.

"Scott, what's your status?"

The relief in his Lieutenant's voice was palpable. _"We're almost ready to head back here. Mission was a success, you will not believe what we found."_

"Good, we'll talk about it later," Young responded distractedly. "I've just spotted Worrin entering the elevator shaft. He was going up and looked in a hurry to be somewhere. I'm in pursuit and request radio silence."

_"Sir, that wasn't part of the plan…"_

"Plans change, Scott," Young said, as if explaining an important lesson of life to a son. "I want you and your team to wait for me in the shuttle. Three clicks of the radio means I'm on my way back, two means you get the hell out and don't look back. If you don't hear from me in 20 minutes, it's as good as option two."

_"But, Sir –"_

"It's an order! God help me if you become the second casualty of failing to obey them."

_"Yes, Sir…"_ replied Scott's deep, torn voice. _"Good luck, Sir. Scott out."_

Young was soon on the top floor; he could think of nowhere else for Worrin to be at this hour than in the council room. It was quite a walk so the Colonel quadrupled his pace hoping he could intercept the Alteran before he got there. The devil was walking with him tonight; Worrin was meters away from the door when Young jumped him from behind, skillfully wrapped his hand across his mouth and yanked his head back to expose his neck. His other hand swung around and sheathed a knife straight into the hollow of Worrin's throat. Then he brought the knife across and severed his arteries.

Young lowered the dying body to the ground quietly and cleaned his blade and hands on its clothes. He heard muffled voiced speaking on the other side of the wall and pressed his ear against it to listen. It sounded like a dozen people in there, Eldran and Maridia among them. If it was just Eldran, Young wouldn't have paused to throw in a grenade and walk away. Not only was that not satisfying enough, but he needed witnesses to spread the word.

For the first time since he committed to this mission, Young felt like he might die. What he was about to do was way beyond insane, with an equal chance of failure to success. If he didn't play his cards just right, he would break the promise he made to Rush…

The Council had obviously gathered to regroup against Destiny's appearance. And apparently this building wasn't a military facility or the place would be swarming with guards. And Colonel Young was betting on there being no guards in the room either, because they wouldn't be expecting him. SG-1 and Atlantis had won so many battles because of the enemy's arrogance. Young prayed that this would be one of those occasions.

He took a deep breath and walking right in. The sliding doors admitted him without prompt for a security code. It look longer for the Alterans to realize his presence than it did for Young to find Eldran, target, and shoot him. The old Alteran cried out in shock and pain and the rest of them scrambled out of their seats or under the tables.

Unfortunately there were a pair of guards and Young had no choice but to terminate them, but not before they fired their weapons. As one of them collapsed from a bullet through the head, his finger pressed the discharge button of his gun. Young's shoulder pad took most of the hit, but some of it made it to his skin and burnt right through. His cry was more of rage than of pain as he grasped a knife from his forearm and stabbed the second guard in the liver then, spinning around him, sunk the blade through his ribs and into his lung.

"If anyone moves, they die!" He pointed his gun at the crouched council members. Some of their clothes and faces were splattered with droplets of blood. "All of you get to that corner of the room, now!"

Maridia took the lead and secured her people, bravely putting herself between them and the Colonel.

Young stepped towards Eldran like a leopard who had found a baby gazelle concealed in the grass. He looked up with gaping eyes, gasping for air. He held his hand against his side, thick blood oozing between his fingers. He would die from blood loss eventually, but Young had ensured he'd stay amongst the living for as long as he required.

"You sick, perverted motherfucker," Young whispered with an iota of pity on his tongue. "Whatever belief system you have that makes you think it's okay to torture and humiliate people may be acceptable in your society, but not in mine. You forced me to commit the most serious violation of another human being and now I…am going…to _kill_ you."

Impossible though it seemed, Eldran's eyes grew wider. His trembling jaw slacked into a grotesque shape of horror. He brought both his hands open to the side of his face in an instinctive plea for mercy.

Young wanted to crush his heel into Eldran's bullet wound. He wanted to drag his knife across Eldran's skin, slicing him apart slowly. He wanted to shoot off his kneecaps and destroy his legs one bullet at a time. He even had the thought of showing him what it felt like to be raped. But that would make him a hypocrite and a loser.

"You won't be able to extend your life for more than a second because I decide when time is up." Young cocked his rifle and rested the barrel right between Eldran's eyes.

Now Eldran was emitting embarrassing noises akin to someone who didn't have a tongue. He grew louder as the tension built to the inevitable resolution. Young looked at him and recognized the pain of regret, yet he saw no remorse.

"Ascend this."

BANG

* * *

><p><p>

Young had his gun pointed at Maridia. Her lips quivered and her clasped hands shook but she stood tall. For a moment the Colonel was lost in his animalistic rage. When his eyes stopped tunneling and he realized that he, in fact, did not want to hurt her, he backed off. As the next in line for Head of Council, she would inspire change, and Young's interference would last beyond the dirt and worms of a couple dead bodies.

Suddenly a small battalion of Alteran military officers burst through the door, surrounding the Colonel. He reached for his radio…

Maridia's reaction was instant. She raised her right hand and covered the distance to the Colonel, covering him with her body. "Stand down!" she ordered. The soldiers hesitated and looked amongst each other. "Eldran and Worrin are dead, I am Head of Council now and I say to stand down!"

The soldiers lowered their weapons at once, still clinging to their social system, and for the first time, Young was glad for it.

"I cannot guarantee your safety from here," she whispered frantically. "You must make it back to your people on your own."

They exchanged a wordless message, neither of them changing the hard look on their faces. Young had almost given the signal for his team to leave without him. It would have been karma at its finest; regardless of how evil they were, he had killed other people. Evidently, his task wasn't yet complete. Rush was waiting for him.

On unstable feet he took the first few steps at his second chance.

"And Colonel," Maridia called. "I do not condone what you have done. I only let you go because I feel it would be unjust to derail what you have accomplished here. And…you are right."

Outside, the Kino was waiting. Without it the Colonel didn't have a snowflake's chance in Hell to make it out alive. Its sensors indicated Alterans on every floor; they had finally taken action and he was out of time.

"Lieutenant Scott, this is Young. I am on the top floor, attempting to make my way back to you now."

_"Sir, we've had to get some air; ground troops swarmed us. Give us your location, we can swing by and pick you up."_

Suddenly Young had a plan that exploded into his brain and he almost laughed at how easy it was. "Meet me on the roof in five."

Scott replied with equal vigor, liking his CO's idea even more. _"Yes, Sir!"_

Young backtracked, sure that he had seen ventilation ducts somewhere. His adrenaline was soaring for the third time that day as he found his target: a vent that traveled vertical and he could see traces of light above. Using his rifle as an extension, he pried the grate away. Up in the shaft were handles presumably used by maintenance workers, but were entirely too high for him to reach. Inside his backpack he found his grappling hook and rope, satisfied that all the years of bringing it with him had lead up to this, and caught one its hooks on the lowest bar. Incredibly, he hoisted himself and all his gear twelve feet up.

The shaft eventually curved horizontal at another grate, which lead directly onto the roof. Young kicked it off its hinges. The shuttle was circling half a kilometer away in order to detract attention from the Colonel. Scott saw him and came about, not landing, but hovering a couple feet off the ground to secure a quick getaway. The rear door was barely open halfway when Greer pulled Colonel Young inside.

Colonel Young shed his pack and gear and slowly walked to the front of the ship and flopped in his seat. He looked around at all their new cargo: Alteran technology that Scott and his team managed to steal. Everyone remained quiet, unsure of their leader's emotional state. But then Young grinned.

The energy in the shuttle diffused and softened and the rest of them were quickly picking up on the Colonel's train of thought.

"Dear Mary, mother of Jesus," Greer exclaimed. "We actually did it."

A pregnant pause was quickly followed by a complete outburst of laughter from everyone. It was hysterical, uncontrolled. All the stress and adrenaline and fear of dying was shedding from them, layer upon layer until they were in tears. They no longer knew why they laughed, they just did.

* * *

><p><p>

Destiny had made it back into space with minor complications. Brody and Vaulker were frothing over the Ancient technology that was now theirs but were forced to prioritize repairs. Camille was reporting back to the SGC, and had agreed to omit the darker points of the entire fiasco. Word of their victory was spreading rapidly. Any doubts over Young's capabilities would soon be put to rest after his one-man mission.

And while everything was working out just right, there was still the most important thing to be attended to.

"You should have TJ look at that arm," Scott pointed out. They were sitting in Young's office, still fresh from the shuttle and filthy.

"Hnn…later," responded Young, not at all present.

Scott pulled a small gadget from his vest pocket and placed it on the desk. "Picked it up on our way out of the Alteran lab. No idea what it is…maybe Rush could have a look at it while he's waiting to be released from infirmary." Knowing his CO got the hint, and not daring to push him anymore today, he showed himself out.

Young's limbs felt so incredibly heavy that he couldn't feel them. His eyelids, earlobes, nose, nails, were taxed to exhaustion. If he wasn't so sticky and cold he would succumb to sleep. It was his desire to feel normal again that got him standing.

He peeled away his soiled clothes piece by piece, struggling and out of breath with such a simple task. When the hot droplets of mist hit his skin he indulged in a groan of comfort. The dirt was visibly washing away in rivulets down his stomach and legs. The dried blood on him turned the water red.

Now that his adrenaline had left him, Young felt the entire pain of the scorch across his shoulder. The water stung it, but he was so numb that he hardly registered the feeling. His skin was sliced open quite deep and around the perimeter he was burnt and still bleeding.

After all he had been through, the last person in the Universe he wanted to face was Rush. Now that the curtains were closed and he audience had left, It was just him, Rush and what had happened between them. All his morals, his social taboos, his emotions that he had suppressed over the last twelve hours were bombarding him without mercy.

Young considered calling TJ to come patch his arm up in his quarters, but that meant she'd leave someone else to watch over Rush, and he wanted the best they had doing that. He had to set an example and avoiding the infirmary when he was considerably wounded because he didn't want to see a crew member was irresponsible.

Colonel Young hadn't encountered anyone in the halls. He imagined Brody and Volker and a small group of scientists were still working on Destiny's damaged systems, but the rest were either in bed or soon to be. The infirmary was dark and quiet with only few pieces of equipment still humming and blinking. Rush was where he had been when he left, still bundled in blankets and breathing deeply asleep. On the bed next to him was TJ.

He crept to her side and gently stirred her.

"TJ…"

Her eyes fluttered and she looked around perplexed until she found the Colonel.

"Sir!" she whispered. Her trained eyes immediately spotted his maimed arm and she sat up. He had rolled up the sleeve of his shirt up to his shoulder to avoid it getting stained. As TJ slipped on a pair of blue gloves, they exchanged places, the Colonel now sitting on the examination table.

"How did this happen?" She gentle prodded the swollen flesh around the injury.

"They have energy weapons, nastier than Goa'uld staff weapons, in my opinion. They burn but don't cauterize." He hissed when she pulled his skin apart to have a look inside.

After a bit of a pause TJ asked, "Was your mission a success?"

Young glanced behind him at the sleeping man and sighed. "Yeah…we did what we…what I, set out to do."

He gritted his teeth when TJ filled a needle with local anesthetic. He was so tired, so drained, and so empty on adrenaline that he had less fortitude for these things than he usually did. He turned away and squeezed his eyes shut. His whole body jolted when she stuck the needle inside his wound in several places.

"Sorry," she said softly and placed a soothing hand on his shoulder. She began rinsing it out, the cold saline running down his arm. He was even shaking, like he was afraid the pain would come back while she had her tools and fingers deep in there.

"Rush refused to sleep, you know," she distracted, half smiling. "He insisted on staying awake until you got back. So I slipped a special ingredient in his tea."

"That is something you would do," Young chuckled. "Like the time you knocked Telford out when we first came on board Destiny."

"He had it coming," she shrugged matter-of-factly. "As for Rush, he needed the rest. He was genuinely worried for you." That statement was more of a surprise to her than to the Colonel, considering their previous talk.

"He still won't let me touch him," TJ huffed and prepared the first suture. "Something you told him must have gotten through, because after you left he agreed to a physical examination. I got far enough to treat his surface wounds before he panicked."

"He's injured internally, you need to…"

"I know," TJ cut in calmly. "But I think the only way that will happen, short of restraining him, is if you're with him." She snipped off the last thread of stitches and dressed his arm thickly in gauze. Then she checked his vital signs to make sure he wasn't in shock.

Tamara wrapped her stethoscope firmly around her hand. "You've heard of Stockholm syndrome…"

"What about it…" Young rolled down his sleeve, pointedly avoiding her gaze.

"It's when a victim bonds or even falls in love with their assaulter. It could be for any number of reasons; a perceived inability to escape or a perceived small kindness from the assaulter…"

Young narrowed his eyes suspiciously and spoke before she could go down a path he really didn't want to walk. "So what, you're saying Rush might have those feelings?"

Tamara continued as if she hadn't been interrupted, but with a stronger, more authoritative tone. "Of course in your case Rush could be reacting to the fact that, prior to the incident, you two were colleagues and despite your differences he sees you as the alpha protector of Desitny and therefore a source of safety."

The shock was so great Young thought his heart had stopped until it slammed frantically against his ribcage. His knuckles turned white from the strength with which he was grasping the edge of the table. He looked up at the ceiling, as much to keep the wetness in his eyes contained as to avoid TJ. As he dropped his chin against his sternum he exhaled and reaffirmed his strength with a quit 'okay.'

Then, looking up into TJ's blue eyes he stated, "You know."

"It wasn't hard to miss, Sir," she said kindly. No, it wouldn't be for someone as compassionate and observant as TJ. And she wasn't passing judgment, or talking down to him, or reprimanding him…she was offering her full support and understanding and for that Young wanted to spring forth and hug her.

"Rush is going to need a support system in order to recover. We both know that the only two people on this ship who are willing to help him heal are right here. I say that only because I know Rush won't want the truth to leave this room…and he hasn't exactly made friends on Destiny." She leaned forward and clasped both Young's hands under hers. "The fact that he is reaching out to you means that he trusts you."

The implications of that truth were more profound right now than Destiny's mission. Out of the ashes of trauma, two nemeses had been given an opportunity to completely mend their hatred and mistrust. Young despaired that he might not have the courage to seize it with strong, victorious hands. Rush, and everything he represented, frightened him. Never before had he been given such a contradicting mission…it defiled all his instincts and rocked him to the very strands of his DNA and his soul.

What's more is if he was blatantly honest with himself, he felt something for Rush too.

TBC

* * *

><p>Thanks for the reviews, and please keep sending them in. This story will get finished, I promise, 'cause the only thing more annoying to a reader than an unfinished story is an unifinished story with crappy grammar :P<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** This one took a while...I had a few mental blocks throughout. Also, a heads up that I'll probably take a day or two break before writing the next chapter. I've never posted a story that wasn't already finished to this is a new experience.

* * *

><p>Shaving in his quarters the next morning had been the first time since the incident that Young saw himself in a mirror. The big bruised pockets under his eyes from fatigue and his pallid complexion from low blood sugar were his usual fair, but he couldn't deny the birthing blackness in his eyes. The more he stared at his reflection, the more he got sucked in. With a shake of his head and a splash of cold water he was out the door.<p>

"Lieutenant Scott, please come in."

"_Scott here, Sir."_

"Can I get an update on today's schedule, please?"

"_Nothing immediate on for today, Sir. Updated supply lists are due this afternoon from all departments. We had a meeting tomorrow at 9:00 AM with Camille and…Rush. If you want I can call it off –"_

"No…no, keep it on. Invite Brody and Volker; they can update us on the ship's status. How are they progressing, by the way?"

"_The last I heard all the hull breeches have been sealed and energy output is up at 80%"_

"That's good." Not as good as Rush would have done it by now… "So nothing that can't wait."

"_We're cruising on routine until we reach the next star in three days."_

"Please keep your radio open to all public channels. If anyone's looking for me, handle it yourself unless it is an absolute emergency. All reports are to be submitted to you until I say otherwise." He paused and spoke in a quiet voice, even though no one was around to hear. "I need this time to fix things, Scott."

"_I understand, Sir. Good luck."_

"Young out."

Young swallowed his breakfast in a few bites, ignoring the unpleasant banana flavor additive. Then he buckled down and blazed through reports for the next week. It would normally have occupied his entire day, but he was finished in a couple hours. He wanted everything out of the way.

Standing outside the infirmary after advising Camille of the downtime he was taking, he felt unsuspectingly calm. Once Young stepped through the threshold he was choosing a different direction for his life. The feeling of adventure rose in his belly, colliding with the probability of hurt and pain. He could make excuses for why he shouldn't proceed, but the only right way to move from here was forward.

Taking a deep, cleansing breath Colonel Young emptied his cup…permanently, and walked in.

It didn't take a moment for the men to lock eyes. Electricity surged between them. They were both unconditionally receptive to the other. Every emotion, feeling, doubt, concern, joy one had flowed to the other. The force of the effect physically pushed Young back but Rush's actual emotions were wrapping him up and pulling him forward.

"Good morning," Young said as he approached.

"Colonel…" Rush acknowledged. He was propped against several pillows so that he could eat and was leaning to one side…it must have been too painful for him to sit straight…

His tray of food and water looked untouched. The new IV in Rush's hand told Young that TJ had lost the battle to make Rush drink.

Clearing his throat Young said, "We should talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," Rush spat back venomously. This confused the Colonel, since only seconds ago it looked like Rush was ready to crumble and admit his inner-most feelings.

Young stuffed his hands in his pockets and leaned against one of the consoles. "You want to ignore what happened, is that what you want to do?"

"What you did was necessary…"

"You can't keep doing this, burying everything that hurts you because you think you can't handle it."

"Please, you're no better..."

"No I'm not but I am trying, Rush. This isn't an ordinary mission gone wrong; you didn't just get captured by blue aliens or escape the Lucian Alliance, you've been violated in ways that are making you question yourself as a man, as a human being."

"I would prefer not to discuss it. It's done now, there's no point analyzing every detail…"

"Ignoring it is not going to make the pain stop."

Rush pressed his palms against his eyes. "Just leave me be…go away."

"You can't ignore it and you can't ignore me."

"Just get OUT!"

"I'm not going anywhere!...I'm staying right here until you decide you're ready to talk."

TJ rushed in a moment later. "What's going on here?" Colonel Young was on his feet in a defensive stance, shoulders back and chest puffed out. Rush was sitting up straight, his hands tangled in his hair.

Young turned to TJ and said, "I'm making myself at home, if that's okay with you."

"Uhm…yeah." She wasn't sure what to make of it but the Colonel had elicited a response from Rush, which was much more than she had achieved. She couldn't imagine what they were going through, especially given their previous history. They were the best thing for each other right now, so she endured to leave them to it. "I call witchcraft if you can get him to eat," she said over her shoulder as she returned to her work.

Angry outbursts weren't unusual for Rush, but he hadn't let himself go like this in months. It was like all the progress he had made in that time was gone. Now he was entirely closed, introverted. He hardly blinked or swallowed. And Young waited…

For hours Everett sat in silence, actively watching his head scientist. He wanted Rush to know he was looking, wanted him to feel the burn of his gaze. It was entirely draining for the Colonel, who didn't get up to eat, stretch or use the bathroom, but he was completely devoted. Lunch and dinner came and went and so did half a dozen people who helped TJ out in the infirmary. Young spoke to no one, saw no one. He wasn't going to lose this most lengthy chess match. His eyes were burning and heavy by the time Tamara announced she was going to her quarters to rest. Rush hadn't budged…

…

…Young stirred and moaned at how stiff his neck felt. He opened his eyes and looked around, uncrossing his arms off his chest. Damn…he had fallen asleep. A small noise had roused him. With cold expectancy, Young looked at the only other possible source of noise in the room…and he wasn't there.

Young sprung to his feet and followed the sounds. He peered in the dark places between all the equipment until finally he spotted Rush kneeling on the floor. His long messy hair curtained his face. But there was no doubt by the shaking in his shoulders and his strangled breaths that he was crying.

"Rush…" Young breathed and lowered next to him, placing his hand soothingly on his shoulder. Rush shied away and choked out a sob. Young suddenly felt desperate. "Rush, I…I'm…God why can't I do this," he whispered to himself. He felt Rush moving and looked up to see him shaking his head.

"Talk to me," Young pleaded. Instead, Rush slowly turned to him and grasped the front of Young's jacket like he wanted to slam him into the ground and break his face with his fists. The distress on Rush's face rendered Young speechless, thoughtless. This man, whom hadn't shown him much more than anger and annoying for months, was crying all his heart out in front of him.

"Why…" Rush forced through gritted teeth. He shook so violently that the tremors travelled through his arms into Young, who grasped Rush's elbows to ground him. "Why did this happen?"

"I don't know how to answer that," said Young brokenly. "I'm sorry, Rush."

Rush shook his head, falling into another fit of tears. He didn't know if he was pulling Young closer or pushing him away. All those hours of thinking and attempting to rationalize his feelings had ended when he recognized something so profound that it eroded his control, and now he couldn't manage his emotions, like a dam free to flow. The ache that shot up his spine and down his legs hurt him outside of the physical. His guilt, these new feelings…overwhelming didn't come close.

Rush was so tired of fighting. Keeping everyone out of his bubble consumed what was left of his energy once his work was done for the day. He greeted each morning with a black heart and at night he endured the loneliness. His entire live had been spent in misunderstanding, now especially amongst the crew of the Destiny…but he had brought it on himself out of _fear_. Now, for reasons he couldn't comprehend, someone was offering arms and heart wide open. It was exactly what his damaged soul required; someone willing to open up first. Did it make a difference that it was Colonel Young?

Yes…it made all the difference in the Universe, because Rush didn't think he could do it with anyone else. Rush was standing on the precipice, walking the diverging road. There was a reason for all of this, just as every single person on Destiny wasn't here by accident. It had been him and Young together on that planet, not anyone else. Rush needed to be saved, and Colonel Young was the only one who could do it, a billion light-years from home. Still crying, he let down the walls around his heart and looked up at Young, raw with truth.

Everett slid his hands around Rush's shoulders and gathered him up in his arms. Rush grabbed at his jacket, clinging to him ferociously.

His odor assaulted Young; he hadn't changed or showered yet, so still smelled of that awful place, of their sex. He searched For Rush's true scent of sweetness and old books and clung to that. "You'll be okay, we'll get through this," he promised.

* * *

><p>When TJ walked in, hopeful for a better day, the scene was more than she could process initially.<p>

Doctor Rush was reclined against pillows, clean and in fresh fatigues. He cradled a cup of steaming tea. On the side table was a pair of empty bowls. Colonel Young sat at the foot of Rush's bed and they were having a quiet, calm discussion.

"Morning," she chirped joyfully.

"TJ," Young called serenely.

"What happened here?" TJ lifted an eyebrow, holding up the abandoned IV tube.

Young grinned as he shared a private moment with Rush. "A little incident early this morning."

"I see. Well since Doctor Rush is drinking on his own I suppose I can let that go." She threw the boys a chastising look and grabbed her penlight. "Would it be alright if I had a look, Doctor Rush?"

Rush still wouldn't look her in the eye but he nodded. She gently lifted his eyelids and flashed the light in his eyes. He flinched reflexively. "That was the worst of it," TJ promised. She proceeded to take his vitals: pulse, breathing, reflexes and feeling the glands in his neck.

It was heartbreaking for Young to watch Rush struggle to be touched. After they had parted and Rush had calmed down enough to stand on his own, he became reticent even to his touch. A long hot shower had gone a long way, enough to convince Rush to get something into his stomach.

"We've been having a bit of a talk," Young prompted. "I think we're okay to try a full physical examination."

Tamara ascertained by the wary look on Rush's face that he wasn't entirely pleased but that wouldn't change for weeks, possibly months. It was best to take advantage of his cooperation since it might not last long. "Alright, if I can get you to lie on your side?"

TJ exchanged the wool blankets for a medical sheet as Rush complied. Young grabbed a chair and positioned himself in front of Rush and grasped his hand comfortingly. There was no purpose beating around the bush; there was only one thing left to be done. Young was surprised that Rush didn't put up a fight when TJ pulled his pants down his hips just enough. What Rush did do was squeeze Young's hand so tight that his knuckles rubbed together painfully and his fingertips tingled.

"I'll feel for tears and lesions, it'll be quick; I won't take any longer than I need," TJ assured.

"Colonel, I can't do this," Rush whispered dreadfully.

"You just focus on me now," Young encouraged.

"You'll feel cold, then pressure. Don't tense up," TJ advised. "Here we go."

Rush flung his hips forward at the intrusion and yelped. The other two immediately steadied him, bringing him back into proper position. He went limp after that, emitting painful sounds as TJ searched inside him.

"There are a couple of large tears and a few minor abrasions," TJ reported. "They've had time to heal and close on their own. Do you feel any pain if I press here?"

Rush nodded rapidly, clenching his eyes shut and burying his face into the crook of his elbow.

"Alright, you might have a small infection. I'm going to apply a topical antibacterial." She extracted her finger and coated it in the cream. Rush looked to be on the edge of having enough when TJ announced that she was finished.

"He'll be okay," TJ assured the Colonel. "If he hasn't developed serious infection after all this time I doubt he will. I'll give him a shot as insurance."

Everett nodded and gazed transfixed at the now sleeping Rush. His brow was still creased with worry. His hand was now slack in his own. He brushed his thumb over Rush's knuckles once, making it look like an unintentional gesture

When he didn't move for several second, TJ gave him a verbal prod. "He needs rest, Sir. And you look like you could use some too. Why don't I take over for a little while?"

Young answered by pulling his hand back to his body and sluggishly walking out of the infirmary. The feeling of Rush's palm in his hand lingered warmly while the rest of him grew colder. He could barely hold himself upright. He held into the bulkheads and leaned against the wall, like he was injured or drunk. His face was dull and unreadable, his lips slightly parted.

Watching that had been upsetting beyond prediction. The entire time Rush had locked his eyes imploringly with Young's; no accusation had been present. But why not! He was the one who had caused the permanent darkness on Rush's face. He had helped deepen the lines on Rush's brow. And now, after all his fruitless attempts to bridge the gap between them, how could it be that such a painful experience was succeeding so easily where Young had failed?

Everett finally made it to his quarters. The doors slid open and he pushed himself through, falling to his knees on the other side. His emotional pain was physically debilitating his motor control. He had only ever experienced this trauma after hurting a loved one. It was the dread of having caused irreparable damage to someone he cared deeply for, and fear that their relationship would never be the same. That he was experiencing this on Rush's behalf was non sequitur.

He hated Rush! The man was an obstruction, a nuisance, a rude, condescending, arrogant, lying son of a bitch with no good attributes to his name other than his intellect. Young didn't give two shits for him beyond his obligations to protect those under his command. Why then did he feel like his entire world was crumbling when he thought about what had happened? If it had been anyone else he would have moved on by now.

Young crawled to his couch and hoisted himself up. He didn't think twice as he grabbed his canteen and downed a generous mouthful of Brody's brew. He hadn't been this distressed since Riley…

Tears rolled liberally down his quivering cheeks and landed with a _'plok'_ on his knees as he slammed back shot after shot. He cleared his throat and tried to control what was clearly a long overdue reaction. Even in solitude his habit was to put on a brave face, to perpetuate the lies he always told himself.

_You're okay, Everett._

_You did what you had to do, Everett._

Young's face slowly twisted with unbridled rage. He pressed his lips together in a thin line and the corners of his mouth pulled down grotesquely. He pressed his palms hard against his eyeballs in an attempt to combat the rush of images bombarding him; the way Rush's shoulders pulled back as he walked. The way Rush leaned to one side when he sat in a chair. The way Rush cradled his bowl as he scooped its contents deliberately into his mouth. The way he bent over consoles, hands tightly gripping its sides…

No, the fact that he noticed these things was just his way of dealing with the man; learn someone's body language and you can learn to predict them…that was the only explanation. So what were these underlying emotions? Whenever Rush smiled at someone, a rarity though it was, Young felt a pang of irritation and jealousy. If Rush was cooperative, he felt pleased and warm. If Rush maintained eye contact for more than a couple seconds, Young's chest tightened.

It wasn't logical that after all the lies and discord that Everett willingly placed so much trust and responsibility on Rush. He went over instance after instance that supported his train of thought. Now that he looked, the evidence was everywhere. His emotional state was directly related to Rush, what Rush was doing, how Rush was behaving.

With a bellowing cry Colonel Young flipped his coffee table through the air, its glass top shattering across the floor. He lifted his couch up and flung it against the door. He threw his chair, swiped all his belongings from his desk and slammed his forearms against its surface. He launched his radio against the window and felt disappointed that it didn't break and suck him and his ever more devastated life out into space.

"No…no…no, no, no, NO!"

Einstein said that everything is relative. The gravity and success of every event in a person's life is dictated by their individual emotional perspectives and responses. Therefore, the scope of the Universe could be boiled down to the insignificance of one man's troubles, if they are painful enough to make him forget about everything external. From his perspective his whole world might have just ended, while an outsider would observe him with detached insignificance.

Everett's world had just come apart. It had been happening slowly, unraveling one fiber at a time until the whole sweater of his conscious mind came apart. His entire life was meant to end at this point and begin again on the other side of the threshold. Every event he had endured had happened so that he could be here now to understand this one undeniable, breathtaking truth: he had feelings for Rush.

* * *

><p>TJ peered through the consoles at the hunched, solemn form of Doctor Rush. For the last hour she had tried and failed to ignore the depressed energy coming from him. And her anger towards Colonel Young was growing in equal measure. He had been MIA since this morning and she had inkling as to why.<p>

Rush had woken up a couple hours after the procedure looking around hopeful to find Young still at his side. When he discovered he was alone he closed off and ignored everything around him. His lunch and dinner was untouched. If he didn't drink soon she'd have to reinsert his IV, but Rush wasn't being cooperative. He had slapped her hand away when she wanted to check his pulse, crossed his arms and gone back to moping.

She had tried hailing Young over radio without success. When she contacted Scott he told her that he was in charge while the Colonel was on downtime and she couldn't disclose why she needed to have Young in the infirmary so urgently without giving up sensitive information.

"Is it urgent?" Scott had asked.

Tj took a moment to compose a response; she couldn't disclose why she needed Young in the infirmary without revealing sensitive information. "No, just let him know next time you see him."

TJ approached Rush, trying to get his attention by dipping her head gently to catch his eye. "Hey," she whispered. At the last second she rested her hand on the bed instead of his knee, almost forgetting that it was better to avoid physical touch. "I'm sure there's a good reason Colonel Young hasn't come back," she reassured.

In Rush's mind the question was why he had left in the first place. He scoffed sideways and gave her his shoulder.

"Look, I know you're upset that he isn't with you…"

"Is that so," Rush spat unexpectedly. "You think you've got me all figured out, have you." His tone sounded like he would continue, but he dazed off again and TJ could only smile forgivingly.

"You need to eat and drink something. If you don't I'll have to hook you back up to an IV." She succeeded in not sounding threatening and made his glass of water more accessible. She was prepared to give him all the space he needed as long as he remained healthy. But at some point something had to give.

* * *

><p>Eli tapped his fingers against his laptop as he rang Colonel Young's door for the fourth time. He had tried looking almost everywhere and no one had seen him recently and now he was feeling twitchy. He knocked loudly and called out, attracting the eye of a passing crew member.<p>

Huffing, Eli put his laptop on the ground and pried open the door control panel. He upheld his genius title by fiddling with the mechanics until he got the desired result. As the door swished open, his eyes popped and he narrowly dodged a couch from falling on his foot. And then he peered into the room…

"Whoa…what…the hell?" He held his hands up as if he was afraid to get blamed for the war-zone that was Colonel Young's quarters. Very carefully, he walked in, glass crunching under his shoes. Young was sitting on the edge of his bed, his face a dark shadow and his fists swollen and bruised.

"This is awkward?" Eli stated dumbly. "Uhm, so…I tried contacting you over radio? But there was no reply…obviously." Young didn't react, at which point Eli became insufferably uneasy. "I'll just come back later." He pointed towards the door.

Young spoke in a voice so coarse that Eli almost didn't hear. "What is it?"

"Oh! N-nothing that can't wait, I mean, just…I have some footage you might like to see. Though now might not be the best time." Young was resigned by the young man's persistence and waved him over sluggishly. Eli trudged over the wreckage to the bed, stepping over the desk chair, and sat down gingerly beside Young. He flipped his laptop open. "Before we left orbit from the Alteran home world the Kino that got left behind relayed this back to your remote."

Everett glanced sideways at the Kino feed. It was hovering next to a building when a loud explosion sounded and it turned to face the source. The old court was collapsing one column at a time. Billows of smoke rolled up and the blasts accumulated into one all-encompassing bang. Somewhere an alarm blared and Eli paused the video.

Young remained unimpressed and linear in his facial features.

"Was there something else?"

Eli was incredulous. "Aren't you the least bit interested in this?" He indicated the screen. "You just blew up an alien building, though why you would is beyond my understanding at the moment."

Young got up and put as much space between him and Eli as his room allowed. "You don't need to concern yourself, Eli."

"No, I think I need to be very concerned. If all you wanted was Ancient technology you would have gone with Scott, not risk your life running solo just to make a point."

"You know everything," Young deflected.

"What happened on that planet between you and Rush?"

Young lifted a warning finger. "Don't go there."

"So I'm right!" Eli walked eagerly at Young. "And obviously it was enough to blatantly break the rules."

"I don't want to talk about this! Certainly not with you." Young slammed his fist against the door control and waited for Eli to leave.

"What I don't understand is why you'd risk everything for Rush," Eli stated boldly. "You two can't stand each other."

"Out," Young ordered. He was frightened by how much Eli knew without having all the details.

Eli shook his head, gathered his laptop and walked out. Young stared out into the corridor for what could have been an hour, his hand still on the panel. He worried that Eli would tell Scott and the others about his suspicion. But who could say what Eli was thinking; maybe he was over thinking the whole thing and making assumptions due to his own insecurities. Nevertheless, his team hadn't seen the blood, they don't know what happened. All they saw was Rush injured. No one could make any solid conclusions from that.

Just then, TJ raced down the corridor. Young closed his door behind him, happy to avoid anymore queries about the state of his room.

"Sir! Thank God…Scott and I have been trying to reach you…"

"My radio's not working," he lied. TJ looked at him strangely. "What is it, what's wrong?" He became concerned by the frantic gleam in her eye.

"Rush is gone from the infirmary. He's not in his quarters, I can't find him," she breathed.

Young immediately began walking, fear swelling in his stomach. "How did he get out?"

"I left for just a few minutes to get something to eat," said TJ apologetically.

_No guards?_ Young was about to ask, but refrained; Rush wasn't a prisoner, there hadn't been a need. He was angrily reassessing that decision.

"Lend me your radio," he ordered. "Scott, this is Young. I want all available military personnel to sweep all inhabited areas of the ship, teams of three. Send Kinos out if you have to. I want Rush found, now. He was last seen unarmed, but he's in an unstable state. If you find him do not, I repeat, do not approach him. Radio me and wait until I get there. Do not use force. Under no circumstances is anyone to touch him, is that understood?"

"_Yes, Sir."_

"Go join Scott's team," he told TJ. They diverged at the next intersection.

Young had a few good ideas of where to look first. Rush wouldn't be anywhere where there were people. He hailed the bridge.

"_Volker here."_

"Is Rush up there with you?"

The scientist's confused reply of, _"I thought he was in the infirmary,"_ confirmed Young's assumption. The observation deck was closest on his list, so he checked there first. Then he went to the engineering room and was unsurprised to find it empty. The shuttle was also vacant. Young's apprehension build as he thought of the one place left to check: the Chair Room.

He hesitated outside, afraid to find Rush sitting in the Ancient control interface. He breathed in preparation for what he might see, but Rush wasn't there. He walked in and looked around the small space, completely miffed. However, on his way out a flash from a console caught his attention. He stepped back and looked at the display. It was an enlarged map of the Destiny and a red dot flashed in the area that depicted the Chair Room.

_You are here…_

Heart beating fast, Young zoomed out and a green dot appeared further up the ship. His military mind made a mental map of how to get there and he dashed out the door. He ran through parts of the ship he had never seen. He was sure this end of Destiny had yet to be explored. No living being had walked these corridors in a million years. Anything could go wrong; the structural integrity of the bulkheads might be unsound. What was Rush thinking!

Young slowed to a walk when he heard the electronic sounds of an ancient console. The last thing he wanted was for Rush to see how concerned he was by his haste. He forced calm in his breath and listened for movement. He was in a corridor with small compartments on either side of him, like cubicles. Each one had a console and a window looking out into space, much like the abandoned seed ship him and Rush visited the day he discovered Destiny's true mission.

Rush had obviously heard him approaching because Young no longer heard typing. Young walked down the corridor, peering into each space until he found Rush, standing squarely towards him with wide eyes. The rapid rise and fall of Rush's chest and the way his hands were spread tensely by his sides and the fact that he hadn't kept working as he usually did when someone interrupted him was evidence enough for Young to interpret his features as fright. He was like the rabbit who had unsuccessfully tried to escape the fox only to be trapped in his own hole.

"We've been searching the entire ship for you!" That wasn't how Young had planned to deal with the situation, but now that he saw Rush was safe, he suddenly couldn't help his anger.

"I know," Rush stated, and relaxed somewhat to his normal demeanor. He briefly lifted a radio off the console, no doubt nicked from the infirmary. "I've been listening to all channels."

Young stepped forward potently, stopping short only a few feet from Rush. His brain registered that the scientist's face drew inwards and he tucked his chin down submissively but he chose to ignore it. "Then why didn't you answer?"

Unable to meet the Colonel's eyes, Rush replied, "I thought it would be obvious that I want to be alone, a wish you're now in the process of disregarding."

"I don't care!" Young bellowed. "You don't have clearance to be out of the infirmary and you sure as hell don't have permission to be in this part of the ship!" Young was totally outraged. Rush had ignored everyone on the radio who was looking for him and his arrogance was blood-boiling!

He lifted his radio to his mouth. "Scott, this is Young. I've located Rush, he's okay. Tell TJ I'm bringing him back to the infirmary."

"_Understood."_

"I'm not going anywhere," Rush rebelled flagrantly.

"I'm not asking, I'm telling."

Rush shook his head and, ignoring the Colonel outright, turned back to his console like he wasn't worth the effort. Something in Young snapped. He surged forward and grabbed Rush's upper arm and spun him around violently. Rush's panic was strong and immediate. He drew his forearms tightly to his chest and balled his hands into fists, like a child about to be beaten.

Young shook him. "No, no…you're not going to ignore what's going on. We're going to sort this out right now!"

Rush's response was to struggle against the Colonel's hold. He tried pulling away but only achieved to further confine himself as he backed up against a bulkhead. Young let go of him and slammed his palm into the metal next to Rush's ear. He raised a finger and Rush drew back.

"You think you're okay, you think you can keep going like it never happened, but you can't! There is an emotional process that every human being goes through after a trauma, even you Rush."

Rush pursed his lips curtly. "I'm fine, thank you."

Colonel Young lowered his voice to barely a whisper and got as close to Rush as possible without touching him. "Then why is it that every time I move you flinch? You can't stand being around anyone, and I don't mean you're being your usual anti-social self. Like right now, you can barely keep yourself together being this close to me. You even isolated yourself by going into a potentially dangerous area of the ship, even though we agreed you wouldn't take these liberties anymore!"

Rush remained silent, probably out of fear more than anything. The man Young knew would have outmaneuvered him with intellect and scathing comments by now. No, he definitely was not himself. He was pressing himself so hard against the wall that he wasn't breathing properly and his whole body shivered with adrenaline.

At the sight, Young's anger fled his body, replaced with unwilling acquiescence. He stepped back, unable to cause Rush anymore pain. "What do I need to do to get you out of your own damn head…?"

"Why do you even care?" Rush chuckled sardonically. "Months of animosity and all of a sudden you're in the mood to fix things? All because you're guilty about what you had to do? Please, Colonel, I don't need your pity."

"I want to help you."

"I don't want your help."

"One way or another you need to face your new reality instead of running. Your habit is to walk away if you don't like something. If you do that now it's going to catch up to you and you'll be in a worse position than you were in when this started."

Rush knew he was right. He was just too stubborn…and too scared to believe him. He never acknowledged his fears, choosing instead to throw himself into work as a solution. He took his anger out on everyone around him, never leaving an opportunity for someone to get too close. He was easily annoyed with other people because of his own internal frustrations. And he knew all these things because he had admitted it to himself the day he sat in Destiny's control chair.

He had heard Young's desperation over the radio, had heard it in his breath as he came running and the way he ordered his people to search; only someone who genuinely cared acted like that. His concern had leaked into every word and action and his insufferable anger came from being stressed beyond emotional tolerance. And so the Colonel had reacted. Rush understood that, and forgave him for it.

Certainly, Rush had come out all this way to be alone, but part of him was indeed hoping Young would find him. That the Colonel was here now, attempting this conversation was proof of something Rush wasn't prepared to consider. The question wasn't if Rush returned the feelings, but how he planned to deal with them.

"I wasn't always like this," Rush said quietly.

Young nodded. "I know. I know the real you's in there. I've seen glimpses…you have the capacity to care for other people."

Rush rubbed his hand along his mouth and chin and his face contorted with the effort of keeping back his tears.

"You make excuses not to have relationships because you're hurting, 'cause you never got over whatever it is that made you this way. But there is still love somewhere inside you."

"Not anymore," Rush sniveled, shaking his head.

"That's just an excuse," Young persisted. "The capacity to love never leaves us. But sometimes it's buried so deep that you can't get it back alone."

Rush looked up, understanding the subtle offer.

Young's cheeks grew hot. He couldn't quite believe his own audacity. Quickly he diverted the subject, feeling awkward. "Look uhhh, I understand if you need some time to yourself. I'm sure I can convince TJ to let you stay in your quarters. Just come back to the mapped areas of the ship."

Rush's face demonstrated his intrigue and concern for the Colonel's odd behavior. He had the sense of being courted by an inexperienced, unconfident teenager. Young had controlled their interaction until now, and somehow by simply being present, Rush was currently holding all the cards.

"Yeah…that would be…I'd appreciate that." Who was the blundering idiot now, thought Rush.

They fell into uncomfortable silence, each waiting for the other to say something.

Rush found his voice first. "So…"

Everett cleared his throat, still recovering from Rush's lack of aggressive retort. "Yeah. Why don't we get you back to TJ. She'll want to make sure you're okay…we'll go from there?"

Breathless and still looking like the Colonel had three heads, Rush said, "Sure… yah."

Young hesitated. "Did I hurt you…?"

"No, no, I'm alright."

"You sure?"

Rush waved him off. "Of course I'm sure. You were angry."

"That's not a reason…"

"But I understand."

Young nodded quickly. He gently raised his hand and rested it on Rush's shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. The man accepted the contact and Young smiled warmly, feeling for the first time that they might be okay.

TBC

* * *

><p>Apologies if you find the plot slow; I refuse to rush (no pun intended) this pairing because of the nature of their relationship. Young and Rush wouldn't just romantically fall in love and become a couple out of nothing. As much as I appreciate a well written PWP, this story isn't one of them. I hope you enjoy what you read :)<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** This chapter came easier than the last one, but somehow I'm less satisfied with it? I guess the more you struggle to achieve something, the more emotional you feel when you get a good result. This one's shorter than the others; I decided to move the last part of this chapter to the next one (as a result you don't get tortured by a cliffhanger!)

* * *

><p>Everett walked along slowly. He was tired, exhausted even, but was unable to sleep. As soon as he lay down and closed his eyes his mind turned into a cacophony of questions, theories and hypothetical scenarios, some of which made his cheeks flush. When he was this tired, the little limp in his step was more prominent and the hunch in his shoulders more pronounced.<p>

Unsure of where he was going, and not really caring, Everett eventually arrived at the observation deck. The corners of his lip pulled as he saw he wasn't the only one with insomnia; Rush was standing before the vast window, hands resting on the railing, staring at the luminous beauty of faster than light travel. So not to startle him, Everett announced his presence by clearing his throat.

Rush looked quickly over his shoulder and, seeing the identity of his visitor, relaxed into a comfortable position.

"You're supposed to be in your quarters," Young scolded lightly. "TJ was pretty irritated…I had to pull some strings to convince her to let you out of jail. If she knew you were here at this hour…"

"You're not going to tell her are you?" Rush asked in mock concern.

"Your secret's safe with me."

Rush chuckled and Young found the sound pleasant. He walked to the couch and sunk into its folds with a heavy sigh. "Couldn't sleep?" Rush shook his head. "Do you ever?"

Again Young was graced with the Scott's crooked smile. It was gentle, inviting and softened Rush's entire demeanor. Young could see himself becoming easily addicted.

Rush made his way over and sat next to the Colonel. "A rarity it may be, but it has to happen at some point. And I could really use some right now." They were silent for a while, until Rush felt uncharacteristically compelled to speak. "As you can imagine, my quarters aren't exactly the ideal place to find solace. It's rather dismal in there. At least here I can see the Universe, raw and uncompromised right in front of me."

Young nodded, conscious that Rush was offering an explanation for disobeying medical orders. Not that he had really expected him to cooperate in the first place…

"It is beautiful," he agreed.

"Helps me think."

Everett twisted in his seat and eyed Rush incredulously. His voice was slightly high pitched. "And you want that?"

Rush laughed softly and Young couldn't quite believe he was experiencing such relaxed companionship with him. That new warm sensation was back, flooding his chest and limbs with tingling anticipation. He also felt a lingering anxiety in his gut, like being afraid to lose this new Rush, like this was a onetime occurrence and he'd go back to being a self-obsessed jackass in the morning.

"So, what is it that's made you unable to sleep," Young ventured. He knew he'd hit a nerve when Rush suddenly didn't look in the mood to keep talking. Young slapped himself mentally and hoped that he hadn't scared him away. But then Rush retrieved from his pocket a small object – a gold band – and twisted it between his fingers. Young sat up straight with genuine interest, euphoric by how intimate this conversation might get. He knew Rush had had a wife, but no one ever heard him speak of her.

He was skeptical that Rush would venture that deep into his personal life when he said, "Gloria died…two years before I came to Icarus. Cancer…" The corner of his mouth twitched.

"I'm sorry…"

"She held me together and when she left…I've never fully recovered. I threw myself completely into my work after that. The Icarus project was all I had left."

It made better sense to Young now, Rush's bad attitude. He had grown bitter over the loss of his love. He empathized the feeling…

Perhaps Rush had associated her as his conscience, someone who controlled his extreme behavior. With her gone, Rush was free to spiral downward and became the ill-mannered man next to him. The motive behind all Rush's action – his uncompromising devotion to Destiny, the way he had so selfishly stranded them here – was clearer and more forgivable. The haze that surrounded him and made him inaccessible was beginning to fade.

"Being on this ship, with all its wonders…I had just begun to feel open enough to try again, and then Mandy died and I…"

Lost it. Young had never seen a civilian so out for blood. Rush had never spoken about killing Simeon; Young had never asked.

The beginnings of tears welled along his lower lids. "I don't think I could go through that again."

Young knew Rush was trying to tell him something. The man never said anything without intention but he never just came out and said it, either. Was he simply explaining himself in this moment of emotional weakness? Perhaps he sought comfort? Young shook himself of his pretenses; this felt like a rejection. Rush was saying that he wasn't willing to risk more pain by seeking a new relationship, intimate or otherwise.

Young slipped his fingers into his chest pocket and pulled out his own wedding ring. The intensity with which he stared at it drew Rush's attention.

"My wife – ex wife – Emily…demanded a divorce a few months ago." He didn't know why he was bringing this up. It seemed like the right thing to do. "I signed the papers in Telford's body, if you can believe it, the same guy she had an affair with." This was the first Rush had heard of it, but he nodded anyways.

"Of course, it wasn't just being all the way on the edge of the Universe that swayed her decision. She might have waited if I hadn't had an affair with TJ."

"Are you…over it?" Rush's body language was borderline hopeful.

After a pause of consideration Young said, "No. It's not so much losing her as it is giving her a reason to hate me." He slipped the ring curiously over his finger. Its cold sting was most unwelcome and he shoved it back into the darkness of his pocket where it could erode and turn to dust for all her cared.

Both men lounged in new found camaraderie. They were far similar than either cared to admit. They say what you most attract from others is that which you despise in yourself. In that way, Young and Rush were closer than any other two people on the ship.

After a long period of silence, Young asked, "If you didn't want to be found, why did you show me where you were?"

Rush looked at him perplexed and Young clarified, "When you escaped into that unexplored area of Destiny…back in the Chair Room…the flashing console." The bewilderment hadn't left Rush's face and Young waved his hand to drop the matter. However, he could tell that Rush was turning his words over in his brain, analyzing them. It felt like Rush was dissecting him with his eyes.

After a time they fell back into comfortable quietude. They were shoulder to shoulder and Young's body heat radiating strongly against the other man. Their hands were resting just centimeters apart. Rush was struck with the desire to feel warm, not by himself, but with another body. His finger twitched with the effort of not reaching over to squeeze his icy hand over Young's undoubtedly warm one. He caught a glance of the Colonel from the corner of his eye and felt encouraged by the softness in his body.

Destiny was vast and cold, Rush thought, but it didn't have to stay that way.

Everett was just starting to feel like he could be lulled to sleep by the mesmerizing wisps of blue and white light when Brody called over the radio.

"_Colonel Young, we're about to drop out of FTL."_

Rush and Young had time to sit up before they felt the deep tug of the FTL drive. Rush stood and walked back to the railings, staring at the tiny bright speck that was their next power source.

"Are we ready to go?" Young asked in his radio.

"_Ready on this end. Eli's on his way up."_

Without a word Rush walked past the Colonel. At the last moment Young caught him by the arm. "Where do you think you're going?"

Rush was a bit bothered that the Colonel hadn't worked out the obvious. "To the bridge," he replied impatiently.

"You're still on downtime, you have no business going to the bridge, especially since you're supposed to be asleep in your quarters," Young whispered sternly.

"What do you suggest I do, ignore what's going on and pretend to rest while the others do God-knows-what with the ship?"

"That's not the point."

"Then I don't see any reason why I shouldn't be allowed to –"

"TJ hasn't declared you fit to return to work."

The sudden silence was dense enough to cut through with a knife. Rush's face twisted into a genuine array of confusion and hurt. He couldn't believe in his heart what he had just heard. He didn't really want this conversation to go on, but he had an assumption and he wanted it answered. "What do you mean?"

Young stole himself for the explosion on the horizon. All the progress he had made was about to go out of existence in the blink of an eye. "After a traumatic event like yours, it's standard procedure to have a psych evaluation…"

"Oh no no no no…"

"It's for the sake and safety of everyone on board," Young tried to reason.

"No, get off!" The Colonel's hand was still wrapped around his bicep and Rush tore away. "Don't touch me!" He tried to leave but Young blocked his way.

"I can't let you have access to any of Destiny's systems until you pass the evaluation."

"You can't be serious. Move, out of my way!"

Rush pushed through the Colonel. Everett was unbalanced by his shock that Rush was far gone enough to resort to physical violence. Riley, God rest his soul, had reported to him that Rush had viciously slammed him into a bulkhead in reaction to a simple question. That was the same day Rush had his breakdown in their first week aboard Destiny. It was happening again, Young saw it. He caught up to Rush and spun him around, this time with both hands trapping him, his radio clunking loudly against the floor.

"Don't test me, Rush!"

"No, you listen to me! Just because we had a nice chat a few minutes ago doesn't mean you've gained any privilege over me! I choose where and when I go on this ship!" Rush pressed his palm against his temple like he had a sudden sharp pain there. He twisted away and Young let go.

The distraught scientist leaned against the wall looking ready to feint. Young was about to call TJ, but Rush suddenly looked up at him with clear, intense eyes and said, "Trust me, Colonel. I need to be up there."

His adamancy made Young uneasy. Rush was keeping something from him, that was certain. Everett found he was disappointed but not surprised. Obviously it would take more than one heart-to-heart for Rush to begin practicing straightforward honesty. Young just needed to engage more of his characteristic patience and give Rush more time.

"Alright…go." Rush was already striding down the hall when Young shouted, "this conversation isn't over." Completely drained, Everett sighed and followed.

* * *

><p>When Rush made his entrance on the bridge, Eli, Brody, Volker and Park completely stopped their tasks to look at him like he might be a star about to supernova. They hadn't seen him since the mission, except Park, who looked exponentially more uneasy than the others. Rush ignored them, even though their gazes felt like they were burning holes in his body, and sat in his chair.<p>

His eyes crossed with Eli's and he got the distinct feeling that the young genius was more aware than anyone else what had really happened to him. They were all waiting for someone to break the ice and say something. Park's sympathy was beginning to annoy him when Colonel Young joined them and everyone went back to work.

Volker cleared his throat. "It's a cool K type star."

"Yes, I can see that," said Rush. He ignored Young who watched him like a hawk.

Rush paused, looking at every member of his team one at a time, waiting for one of them to pick up on something obvious. "None of you?" he prompted. They were all quite perplexed.

Finally Eli said, "It looks like the star's spinning unusually fast…I'm not sure."

Rush shook his head in utter aggravation. Math boy had spotted the problem for the big PhD astrophysicists. How embarrassing.

"Yes, Eli, very good. This star is, in fact, a very young cool K, which means it has a very high speed of rotation; one hundred and thirty kilometers per second, to be exact." Volker and Brody looked at their data and deflated when they saw the evidence right in front of their noses. Rush looked at Young as if to say _I told you so_.

"We can manually compensate our shields to withstand the high magnetic fields," Eli offered.

Rush nodded. "Eli will monitor the changes and send them to me so I can make the adjustments."

The other three nodded, resigned to the fact that their blunder had cost them any participation in this venture.

"What about increased surface activity," asked Brody. "A star with this kind of stellar magnetic field has the potential to discharge dozens of solar flares a minute."

"The shields will protect us from most surges. You and Volker can monitor power fluctuations on the star's surface. If a big enough one emerges within proximity we'll simple steer the ship out of the way."

"Are you sure," Young asked discretely.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea," said Eli. "A thousand things could go wrong."

"Nothing will go wrong," Rush insisted. "Look, we're here now and we need power. Stop wasting time and let's get this over with!"

Though Rush's manner left everything to be desires, he was right about their power needs. Young had no choice but to take the risk.

The bridge and its occupants turned orange with the light of the star as Destiny approached. Minor turbulence greeted them as they skimmed its photosphere.

"Collectors are engaged," said Brody.

"Shield stress is increasing," Park warned.

Eli typed at the speed of light. "Already on it!"

Rush received the data on his console and effortlessly applied the modifications. He had to do this every few seconds. Destiny shook lightly in between each new adjustment as her shields were bombarded with plasma.

"Reading a massive build-up two hundred kilometers ahead," Volker said frantically. "There's another one to our right."

"We'll have to time this perfectly," said Rush. He was still adjusting the shields as he calculated a new course for the ship and relayed it to the helm. Young had to concede, he had a grace under pressure he couldn't help but admire.

Without hesitation, Brody applied the data and Destiny made a sharp turn. The solar flare, visible on the screens, shot straight up in a mighty pillar of superheated plasma. Young swallowed hard, uncomfortable with how close they were. Suddenly, the ship rumbled and jerked. They had a second of calm before a more powerful surge hit. Brody, Volker and Park were toppled from their seats. Eli's feet came off the ground and Rush nearly flipped over his console. Young held on for dear life as the ship was turned on its side and righted again.

"What the hell happened?"

"We were too close to the second solar flare," Brody yelled as he pulled himself up. "It grazed our shields."

"Sealing off multiple hull breaches," Park said.

"Rear weapons are offline, so are propulsion and sub-light. Structural integrity is weak all over the ship, but we've cleared the star," Volker informed.

"_This is Scott, what just happened…"_

Young grabbed his radio. "A solar flare from the star we just refueled in nicked us on the way out. What's your status?"

"_We have a few wounded, bringing them to the infirmary now. TJ's being flooded, we could really use some help down here."_

"I'm sending Doctor Park to you now."

Park nodded and promptly ran out the door. "Lieutenant, take Greer and round up anyone you can find and bring them to the gate room. I want everyone as far away from the outer hull as possible."

"_Yes, Sir."_

"Oh no…"

Young snapped his head to Rush who was looking gravely at Destiny's energy readings.

"What is it…?"

"The flare caused a massive surge in the FTL drives. One of them is overloading."

"Whoa, what?" Eli was just recovering when he raced to another console to verify the readings.

"We need to cut power to that drive or the entire ship will be destroyed," said Rush. "Eli, I need you to stay ahead of the power fluctuations while I do this."

Young watched them with baited breath as they slammed their fingers against all the buttons with dizzying speed and accuracy.

Sweat was beading along Eli's lip and brow. A few seconds later, he shook his head, shouting, "This isn't working!"

"Come on, Rush, talk to me," Young urged.

Rush slammed his palm against the console. "Damnit! I can't do it from here. I'll have to go and manually disconnect the drive from the rest of the system."

"I can't stay ahead of the overload alone," Eli cried desperately.

"I know!" Rush yelled back. It took every ounce of concentration he had to keep Destiny alive. He sealed one energy breach and another one appeared, like trying to control massive hemorrhaging of the brain.

"I'll go," Young said.

"But you don't know what you're doing."

"You can guide me."

Left with no alternative, Rush acquiesced and nodded. For a fraction of a second Young and Rush locked eyes and shared an eternity. _Be careful_, Rush thought. _Keep this ship together_, Young sent back.

Everett sprinted to the Manual Control Chamber almost a kilometer from the bridge near the end of the ship. The lights were flickering, occasionally plunging him into brief darkness. As he neared his destination he smelled the distinct heaviness of smoke. It had a chemical twinge to it. He hit the control panel, the door slid open, and thick billows tumbled out.

Young backed off and squinted against the sting in his eyes. There was no heat, no fire; it looked like the smoke was coming through the ventilation ducts. It was so thick that he couldn't even see a few inches into the room…

Back on the bridge, Rush shot his hand out for his radio when Young's voice sounded on the other end.

"_I'm here, now what!"_ The Colonel's voice was coarse, like he was struggling to breathe.

"There should be a series of levers in front of you. Do you see them?" His jacket covering his face and the smoke in his eyes, Everett could hardly make them out, but he replied in the affirmative nonetheless. "Pull down the one on the second row from the top, third on the left. I repeat, second row from the top, third on the left."

There was nothing but static on the radio for several seconds, then the ship rumbled and rocked.

"That was a power surge in the FTL system," said Brody.

Eli lifted his hands up away from the console and watched as Destiny's energy levels dropped back down to green. "That's it, he did it!"

"Colonel Young," Rush called. Eli's smile faded when he didn't answer. "Young, please respond."

Then Rush was dashing off the bridge. Eli called his name but he didn't hear it. His vision tunneled, blocking out the steam and blaring lights along the edges of the floor. He got a huge adrenaline dump as his heart rate went from stressed to maximal.

The smoke was already inundating several dozen meters outside of Young's last known position. Rush weaved his head around, trying to see through the thick blackness. "Colonel Young!" He called several times without response. He was already beginning to cough, and the smoke was expanding rapidly. It had to be now; Rush covered his nose with the collar of his shirt and walked in blind.

He dragged one hand along the wall, feeling his way along. Every breath made his lungs burn. His eyes were stinging and watering. Stumbling, he reached a door, but it wouldn't open. Quickly abandoning it, he kept going until he found another, but it too wouldn't admit him. He rounded a corner and followed the movement of the smoke to where it seemed to be coming from.

It was the most bizarre occurrence; most of the doors Rush came across had no power. He had no choice but to go through the few that were accessible. He was extremely light-headed when he reached the main chamber. He called out for the Colonel through fiery vocal chords. He doubted anyone could hear him through this haze.

A great desperation swept through him. He was ready to give in, to let sleep take him. He looked down at his feet, the only thing around him that he could see…the only thing that he could see…

Rush's stomach jolted in excitement. He dropped flat to the floor and the smoke was relatively thin there. He spotted the Colonel immediately, face down on the ground just a few meters from him. His body pumped out its last reserves of adrenaline as he raced to Young's side.

Rush didn't think, he just acted as his survival instinct prevailed and caused him to remember the way out as he dragged the other man all the way into a clear corridor. His chest heaving and his ability to breathe impaired and diminishing, Rush struggled to reach the door control that would seal off the smoke from the rest of the ship. He fell to his hands and knees, and the last thing he saw before succumbing to the dark was Young's face, peaceful in sleep.

TBC

* * *

><p>Ugh, idk! Let me know what you think, I'm not in love with this one.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** I'd like to give a big shout out to my reviewers. Some of you have put a lot of effort in your comments and I read each one with consideration. I know I'm one of the few SGU fans who is actually writing Rush/Young . It's not like other SG pairing like Sam/Jack that are so huge that your story gets lost in the masses…no, anyone who wants to read R/Y will find my story; in fact anyone who reads SGU fanfics on will likely give my story a go b/c there are so few on here. My point is I think this story specifically is under a lot of scrutiny b/c the supply does not meet the demand and b/c of the nature of the plot– I consider that a good thing.

As I've previously mentioned, this is the first time I post chapters as I write them. I usually hold onto stories until I finish them so I can go back and edit as much as required. I have a solid idea of where I want this story to go, but I'm not married to anything. Therefore, **I invite you all to provide suggestions of where you want (or think) the plot should go.** You can leave them in your reviews or send me a message. I think it would do this story well if I was able to bounce ideas other than what's in my head. I sincerely hope I'll get some from you guys. Cheers.

**Important Note:** I will eventually bring Rush and Young closer together. It's a difficult process and it has to start eventually. This chapter does contain some baby steps in that direction. The fact is that the Rush/Young pairing itself is OOC; there's no WAY they'd pair up in real life. I just aim to make the process believable, and I hope it's not too sudden. It had to get going at some point.

/End longer-than-usual Author's Note :P

* * *

><p>When Everett opened his eyes he was assaulted by a sharp pain that pulsed through his head such that he closed them again. In fact, his entire body felt like it was lying on a bed of needles. His joints ached like he'd slept all wrong and his skin was overly warm. He felt so detached from his body that when he groaned it didn't sound like him at all, yet he felt the vibration in his chest. Feeling like he might vomit, he rolled onto his side. That's when he coughed, salivating profusely and dry heaving.<p>

He was a mess of tears and mucus, but when he saw Rush lying unconscious next to him his military instinct kicked in. He fought hard to sit up and leaned over Rush to checked his pulse. His blood turned frigid when he couldn't find one.

"Shit…Rush! Ruuuush!" Young jostled him and slapped his cheek none too gently without effect. He fumbled for his radio. "TJ, I need you here _now_! I'm in…" He looked around, not really sure of his location.

"_She's already on her way, Sir,"_ Scott replied. _"Eli radioed us a few minutes ago; said you might be hurt."_

"It's Rush, he's not breathing!"

Young dropped his radio and began chest compressions. He had no idea how long they had laid there. For all he knew Rush was beyond the point of return. No, he refused…refused to even consider it! All he had to do was keep getting oxygen to Rush's brain to prevent cell death and TJ would be able to resuscitate him.

"Come on…come on…COME ON!"

_You can't die, you're too stubborn to die like this,_ Young thought. He felt his palms sink sickeningly deeper into Rush's sternum, but he didn't ease up. Rush's lips were turning blue and his skin growing pale. He was dying.

Young experienced heart-stopping desperation. Like everyone aboard Destiny, his life had been shrunken down to a handful of people in a confined space. This wasn't Earth; he didn't have 6 billion other people to choose from. Therefore everyone, without exception, had become important to him. However, Rush was the only one on board who understood him, not on purpose, but out of necessity. Rush had unwittingly trapped Young's heart in a deadlock.

If he died here, like this, leaving Everett to forever wonder if they even had a chance… he needed an answer.

"Please, Rush…please!"

Young almost wept with relief when TJ came sprinting with Barnes and Greer on her heels. Barnes took over CPR and TJ dropped to her knees, sliding her pack off her shoulders simultaneously. Tearing it open she asked, "How long has he been unresponsive?"

"I – I don't know," Young stuttered, suddenly feeling feint. "There was smoke…I couldn't see and then…then I woke up here and Rush…"

"Prepare to intubate," TJ ordered. Greer crouched, straddling Rush's head between his knees and tilted his head back. She slid the white tube all the way into Rush's lungs and handed the manual pump over to the Sergeant.

"I have no idea how soon Eli made the call after Rush left the bridge. The bridge is halfway between here and infirmary, so it would have taken him half the time it took us to get here," TJ reasoned.

Young checked his watch. "I've been awake for four and a quarter minutes."

"That means he could have gone without sufficient oxygen for up to eight minutes."

Everett's stomach contracted painfully. All cadets learned in basic training that the point at which the brain was likely to experience damage from oxygen deprivation was six minutes. That was two minutes too long...but there was no knowing how long it had taken Rush to drag him out, or when he fell unconscious. Hope…Young had to hope that timing and luck was on Rush's side.

Meanwhile, TJ had opened the defibrillator. Barnes ceased CPR, extracted the tube, and cut through both of Rush's one-of-a-kind shirts, tearing them apart to reveal his pale, clammy chest. Everyone leaned away, hands in the air as TJ placed the paddles against Rush's skin, one on his right pectoral and the other below his left ribs and called "Clear!"

Rush's body seized and Everett's heart along with him. The small of his back lifted a foot off the floor and fell back down loosely. The heart monitor was still the morbid constant ring of flat-line. She hit him again, this time with a higher voltage. Everett felt like he was in one of those sad movies where the main character watched through a window as the doctors tried and failed to save a loved one. It played before his eyes in slow motion. The whirring charge of the defibrillator sounded distant. TJ's determination was just another plot element in the over exaggerated drama.

For the first time since he and Rush had been hostages on Altera, Young felt his courage wane. He was giving up; letting himself sink into a place where he understood Rush wasn't coming back. But then a single beep swept through Young with almost physical force and pulled him back from that darkness.

Like a baby taking its first painful breath, like a seedling pushing through the soil to taste the first rays of sunlight, Rush's lungs quivered. He gasped and his heart line came alive.

"We have him!" TJ yelled, not believing it herself.

Rush opened his eyes wide but he couldn't discern anything. It was all a blur and hands were touching him everywhere trying to restrain him. He was hurting in odd places he didn't remember injuring. He felt starved of oxygen, but every time he inhaled felt like broken glass in his chest. He tried to reach out for something tangible so he could get himself into a less vulnerable position. Warm skin met his, forearm to forearm in a tight lock.

"Rush, it's me…Colonel Young. You're okay."

TJ shook her head. "He's panicking. It's a risk but I'll have to sedate him. Hold him for me."

Greer pressed down Rush's shoulders while Barnes held his legs. At the moment Rush had no idea they were trying to help him. It looked to Young like a PTSD attack, perhaps to his abduction by the Lucan Alliance or the blue aliens, or worse yet, maybe he was reliving the rape. It was so heart wrenching for him to witness his struggle but he did what needed to be done and pinned Rush's arm to the floor.

With a few strong flicks TJ separated the air in the syringe from the little puddle of sedative. She disinfected the crook of Rush's elbow and pressed her fingers either side of a large vein. Her movements didn't betray her calmness as she tended to Rush gently, unaffected by his panic. The needle slid in swiftly. Young knew Rush felt it by the way he tried to twist his body away.

The muscles beneath his fingers slacked. Rush's body slumped. Young released him like he'd been burnt. Where his fingers had been, Rush's skin was white and slowly returning to normal. He hadn't realized he'd been gripping so hard.

"He won't be out for long. Let's get him to the infirmary."

In one, swift motion, Barnes hauled Rush over her shoulder. If Young hadn't had the experience of carrying Rush himself, he would have never believed the ease with which the Corporal managed his weight. The two women were out of sight before he made it to his feet. Sergeant Greer stood loyally by his side, ready to accompany him to the infirmary at his own pace.

"Are you alright, Sir?"

Everett nodded out of habit. He most certainly was not okay. Nothing was okay and it wouldn't be okay until Rush woke up and delivered one of his witty, obnoxious remarks. Only then would he know that the brilliant man had survived. Young lamented the thought that any part of Rush's fragile, indispensible mind might be gone forever.

When they arrived in the infirmary nearly 30 minutes later, Rush was unconscious on a bed, shirtless and covered with blankets. One arm was tucked under while the other faced the ceiling palm up to accommodate his IV line. He had an oxygen mask to help him breathe. An electrode clamped on his finger monitored his heart rate.

TJ was placing some of her tools in a disinfectant wash when she spotted him and motioned him over to the bed next bed over.

"Let me take a look at you," she persuaded gently.

With great effort Young pulled himself up and TJ helped him out of his jacket. The first thing she did was to check his breathing and frowned. "Looks like you have a bit of smoke inhalation. Not surprising but not as bad as Rush."

"I was on the floor for most of the time I was in there. The smoke looked thinner at my feet, I guess I got lucky."

"How did you pass out," she asked, feeling along his skull for head injuries.

"I don't remember. Rush told me to pull one of the levers. After that I woke up in the corridor outside."

"Eli said there was a power surge. My guess is you received a pretty significant shock." She turned his palms up and his left hand was indeed quite red and tender. "I'd like to keep you here under 48 hour observation." Her tone was diplomatic but there really was no room for argument.

Young wasn't a difficult patient by nature. He understood the importance of allowing the body time to recover. He also knew from experience that lying in a bed with nothing to do for too long did funny things to your head. Most people who resisted rest did it to avoid having to think about their trauma or their guilt. In fact that was how Young usually did things, but not this time.

He was in the process of going through a major change, had been since Altera. This was an opportunity to think uninterrupted, analyze his feelings and practice what he preached to Rush; confront the difficulties instead of burry them. Besides, he neither had the want or the need to go back to work immediately, he was running on empty.

As TJ fetched him a blanket, Young kicked off his boots and eased his aching body into bed. As she tended to him and checked his vital signs, his eyes drifted often to Rush in a manner he thought was discreet. Unfortunately for him, TJ picked up on it quickly. She rested her hand soothingly against his shoulder.

"He's stable," she assured. "I've been learning how to use some of this technology." She indicated the active medical consoles around them. "That one over there monitors brain waves. His look healthy but of course there's no way to know for sure until he wakes up."

Tamara considered the Colonel very closely, seeing clearly a developing affection for Rush. "He has a couple bruised ribs and probably a cracked sternum. You must have been giving CPR pretty hard." That was enough to pull Young's eyes away from the other man and back to her. She hadn't said it in an accusatory way, rather, her lips pulled mischievously at the corners. Young got the impression that she knew something he didn't. "Don't feel guilty, it probably saved his life."

Honestly, Everett felt guiltier about Rush having to save his ass. He would have had to sprint full-on in order to get from the bridge to the Manual FTL Chamber in the time TJ had indicated. Then he had managed to drag his heavier body dozens of meters while inhaling the deadly smoke. Everett was left astonished and fittingly humbled. He had witnessed over and over that when under duress, Rush was capable of above-average feats.

His majesty was certainly not someone you wanted to underestimate, Young thought cheekily. He just prayed that the Scott's hellish resilience had saved him again.

* * *

><p>Someone was talking…no, shouting. Young rubbed his eyes of sleep and checked his watch: 4:30 AM. Who in God's name was making such a racket at this hour? If he hadn't just had twelve hours of drug induced sleep he would be very cranky indeed<p>

"…_not gonna let _**you** _of all people keep me here!"_

"_I'm just following orders. Now, please go back to bed before I make you go."_

"_Empty threats, Sergeant. I suggest you move aside and let me pa –"_ The person fell into a coughing fit.

Having been liberated from all of TJ's tubes and gadgets yesterday, Young was free to sit up and move. Rush's bed was empty, the blankets, oxygen mask and IV thrown aside. He was getting an idea of what was going on as he spotted him and Greer by the door. Rush was bent over, spluttering and clutching his chest in pain. Greer reached out to help but Rush slapped his hand away.

"Don't touch me!"

The sight was relieving and infuriating all at once. Rush was okay, he was standing on his own, walking and throwing insults like nothing had happened. But that's what made Young suddenly lose his composure. He strode forward looking like he had every intention of throttling the scientist.

"What the _Hell _are you doing out of bed?"

"Colonel," Rush greeted like it was just another day on the other side of the Universe. He was still hunched slightly but made a good effort to hide his pain. "Maybe now you can tell Sergeant Greer to move out of the way so that I can get some work done."

"Sergeant Greer is here for exactly that reason, to make sure you don't leave," Young shot back, even angrier that Rush brushed off his poor physical condition so cavalierly. "Damnit, Rush! You almost died."

"Well I'm okay now."

"You are far from okay."

"I need to tend to Destiny's systems. God knows what Brody and the others have been doing while I've been away."

"Get back on that bed…"

"Not until I check the ship."

Young overtook Rush's voice with his own, never taking his eyes away from his face. "You're dismissed, Sergeant!"

Greer uttered a _"Yes, Sir"_ that carried the tone of _Oh boy you are going to get it_. Once the sergeant was outside, Young pointed to the bed. "Sit."

"But, Colonel – "

"Sit! "

Rush acquiesced so far as to walk back to his bed but he didn't sit. He crossed his arms rebelliously and stood purposely aloof. "You're making a mountain out of an anthill, Colonel."

If Rush wasn't already injured Young would have punched him.

"Just shut up for once in your damn life and listen to me! After you dragged me out you passed out. I woke up a few minutes later and you weren't breathing. You almost didn't make it, and even when you came back TJ thought you might have irreparable brain damage. Risking your life for me almost cost you yours and all that I've been able to do while I've been here is watch you, hoping to God you'd be okay." Young paused to catch his breath and to prevent being overwhelmed by emotion. His voice, he realized, was shaking and so was he. "You're staying here until you recover, and that's final."

For once Rush had the good sense to look ashamed. Young had just pulled him back down to Earth and he was hitting the ground hard. Suddenly, he felt all the pains in his body more strongly than before. And he was so tired...how had he not noticed before now? His first thought upon waking had been to check if the Colonel was safe. Seeing the sleeping man next to him, his next priority had been Destiny. That he might be further damaging himself hadn't been on his mind. He hadn't even paused to put on a shirt. He sat up on his bed gingerly, his ribs protesting with the effort.

Young walked up to him remorsefully and wrapped his hand around Rush's elbow as he had done in the corridor. His heart leapt as Rush reciprocated and offered a small, understanding smile.

"I'm sorry I yelled. You just…scared me."

Rush shook his head, dismissing the apology.

"Look, Eli and Brody are still repairing the systems but we're back in FTL. With that damaged drive we're less efficient but we're still in the game. Give yourself a couple days; two days is all I'm asking."

Rush nodded vigorously, but was unable to speak or look up at the Colonel. Young regretfully took in the bruising across Rush's chest. Hoping it wasn't too bold a move, he covered Rush's sternum with his cool palm exactly where he had performed the compressions. Rush's hand shot up immediately, but instead of pushing Young's hand away he covered it with his own.

Young felt the loveliness of Rush's heart beating fast beneath his breastbone. No one on Destiny thought he had one, yet there it breathed life beneath his fingers. The expression was metaphorical, of course, one that was born of misunderstanding and fear. No one wanted to get to know Rush because of how he behaved. They assumed, just as Young had, that he was incapable of things like sympathy, compassion and love. It was a vicious circle and one that worked cleverly for someone afraid of getting hurt, like Rush.

Rush wasn't just a wall, he was a fortress. Why would anyone want to make the effort to break through, right? Yet Young had cracked the brick, he had glimpsed the other side and it was worth the effort of tearing the rest down. Now that he knew Rush's strategy was convincing others that he was a heartless bastard in order to keep them at a distance, it would no longer work on him.

"Alright, two days," said Rush at long last. "But that excludes emergencies."

"Fair enough." Young nodded, shook his head…he didn't have a clue anymore. Rush was such an enigma, such a puzzle, and such a pain in the ass. "You are a lot of work," he chuckled.

Rush snorted and then coughed a few times for good measure, his ribs objecting tremendously. When Young pushed him down gently he got the hint and eased onto his back. Instead of fighting back he felt like accepting Young's authority. It was like seeing an old friend he hadn't realized he missed.

TJ was not a happy camper when Colonel Young called her to the infirmary a few minutes later. His reprimand was nothing compared to the earful Rush got from her about being irresponsible and gambling with his health. '_You could have hurt yourself or collapsed in an empty corridor_,' she had said as she looked him with more aggression than usual. All Young did was shrug his shoulders and say _I told you so._

Rush drifted in and out of sleep the whole day. Whenever he opened his eyes Colonel Young was still there on the adjacent bed, reading and doing whatever Colonels do. Once in a while, he unconsciously rubbed his sternum where the ghost of Young's touch still lingered. That wholeness he felt, the new warmth that pervaded him despite the coldness of the ship…it was because he felt safe. What a paradox that after being beaten, choked and…assaulted by Young, Rush now felt protected by his presence.

He indulged in the other man's profile. Unaware that he was being watched, Young's face was natural, uninfluenced by outside sources. His brow furrowed in concentration. His strong nose gave way to soft lips. The crow's feet at the corner of his eyes were distinguishing and full of character. And he had let his hair grow a bit into what looked like very soft curls. Rush thought he was…very attractive.

Hang on, hold it, slow down!

He had not just let himself think that…God, but he did think it. And it was true. He almost groaned out loud. This wasn't some appreciation of another man's looks; no no…he was emotionally and physically drawn to the other man. His cheeks were hot, the pool of warmth in his lower abdomen and the tightness in his chest were undeniable. But…but It was wrong, just wrong! Wasn't it…? Rush had never displayed a homosexual tendency in his life. He wasn't g-gay? And apart from his youthful adventures, neither was the Colonel…was he?

The fleeting glances and touches that Young gave him lately…it was so obvious now. Oh God…oh God, oh God, oh God. Now that he thought about it, he had done things to purposefully attract the Colonel's attention…like a colorful bird prancing about, puffing his chest and hoping for a mate! The way Young exaggerated his actions and reacted so strongly towards him was because he was being protective. And Rush was reinforcing the behavior. And if there was any doubt left in Rush's mind, he had prioritized Young over the ship!

Was this really an effect of his trauma, Stockholm's syndrome as they call it (Yes, Rush was keenly aware of it). How could these feelings spring up from nowhere like that? Perhaps they went back weeks or even months. He didn't dare speculate for fear of the answer. So did that mean that what he felt was invalid because it was brought about by a violent action…? It hadn't really been violent at all. Most importantly, was he wrong for feeling this?

Rush needed room to breathe, away from Young's intoxicating effect. He rolled on his side and gingerly stood on his feet.

"Where are you going," asked Young.

"I need to take a leak, if that's alright by you."

The comment stunned the Colonel for a moment before he said, "Do you need any help?"

"No, no, I think there are still those tasks I can manage on my own, thank you."

Rush pushed himself through one of the cubicles at the back of the infirmary. The space was small, with just the toilet and a mirror above it. He placed his hands either side of the wall and exhaled.

It was his own beliefs that held him back, his fears. Growing up in Glasgow hadn't been the type of environment that nurtured schools of different thought. Back there you were expected to earn a living in a modest job, and settle down with a wife and kids. Forbidding talks of black label subjects was a silent agreement amongst the townsfolk. Anyone who deviated from that system was swiftly ostracized. And while Rush didn't judge those who chose the same sex, he had never imagined it for himself.

Rush shook his head and laughed mirthlessly. And who would stop them out here? He'd be lucky to ever see Glasgow through his own eyes again, not that he wanted to. He had no excuse all the way out here. That speech he had given Young about embracing their new life aboard Destiny was coming back to bite Rush in the ass.

He heard the Colonel in his head, speaking in a mocking tone: _You can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?_

He looked at himself loathingly in the mirror. His hair was greasy, he was still dirty with soot and he needed to shave. He had never been the type to judge on appearances alone, but he had to admit that he looked like a mangy dog. That Young tolerated him like this was further proof of their silent attraction.

Rush recalled a conversation he had with Volker. The man had been late for work because of his romantic preoccupation with Dr. Park. Rush had told him that he would only ever be _'the good friend,'_ the shoulder to cry on. '_That's just life, I'm afraid. We all have our predestined roles…a life free of romantic entanglement certainly benefits the pursuit of science,'_ he had said.

All still true, but problematic. Rush was dedicated to Destiny's mission. Could he really afford to become attached to another person…or was Colonel Young his Destiny?

On the way out, Rush flushed the toilet so that Young wouldn't be suspicious.

* * *

><p>"You know, generally the one taking the psych evaluation does most of the talking."<p>

"I've nothing to say."

"That's not going to work, Doctor Rush."

"Colonel Young ordered me to do this. Unfortunately for you, he never specified the terms of my being here."

"That can be arranged."

"Threats don't become you, Miss Johansen."

TJ paused, twiddling her pen between her fingers. "Okay, let's start again. A different question maybe? What are your daily tasks?"

Rush snorted. "You already know the answer."

"That's not the point. I want to hear it from you."

"I keep this ship running, attending, repairing and maintaining its systems. I'm in charge of coordinating tasks amongst a mediocre team of scientists and an MIT dropout."

"Are you satisfied with your work?"

"What does that matter, someone has to do it."

"Please answer the question."

"Of course I enjoy my work. My whole career has been for this, this ship and the mission."

"Are you disappointed that not more people share your dedication to the mission?"

"I don't see the relevance…"

"Focus on the questions, not the intentions that might be behind them."

He sighed, feeling rather exposed. "I can't expect everyone to give up their previous lives so quickly. That being said our situation requires unfaltering dedication to Destiny's mission if we are ever to have any real hope of going back to Earth."

TJ ignored the evasive answer and wrote a note on her clipboard. "Does being the only one with full comprehension of Destiny make you feel isolated?"

"My greater intellect has always set me apart."

"And does that makes you lonely?"

Rush fidgeted in his seat. He didn't say anything but neither did TJ. Finally he responded, "If I'm involved in work I don't feel it as much."

"Are you bitter towards the people on Destiny who allow themselves to have relationships?"

"They can do what they want."

"Could you define your relationship with Colonel Young?"

"Excuse me?"

"Do you hold him responsible for what he did to you?"

"No, of course not. He did what was necessary."

"What has changed between the two of you since then?"

"I…nothing…is there a point to these questions?"

"I just need to know if you're emotionally compromised. If you have problems with the Colonel after what happened it's important that we know. You two lead this ship together, if there's conflict…"

"There's always conflict."

"…"

"Colonel Young did it to save everyone's lives."

"Colonel Young raped you."

"…"

"He violated you…"

"Yes, for the greater good…"

"And you're not angry?"

"No…"

"Did you feel pleasure during the rape?"

"No! Are we done?" Rush made to get up.

"Do you have romantic feelings for Colonel Young?"

Rush froze, then he let himself go limp against the back of his chair.

"You know that nothing leaves this room," TJ said. "My report to the Colonel will just be my opinion of your fitness to return to work. He doesn't know what questions I'm asking and he'll never hear the answers, not from me."

Rush opened his mouth, hesitated, swallowed, breathed deeply. Hesitated again, his throat not letting the word slide onto his tongue. Breathed deeply…

"Yes…"

TBC

* * *

><p>SO! Young's gone through his angst about possibly having romantic feelings for Rush. Now Rush is living the process. He'll have to overcome a lot of obstacles…oooo he's a lot of work ;) Please R&amp;R<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** I got three very special reviews in the last couple days. I got two in one morning that made me bubbly for the rest of the day. While I don't need feedback to keep writing, they are a huge inspiration. This story is quickly becoming my baby; I need your help and suggestions to make it the best it can be. Without further ado…

* * *

><p>Rush drummed his fingers irritably against the console. He tried a different way, but it still wouldn't let him do what he wanted. It made no sense at all; one could access files in the database from anywhere on the ship if one knew how. Yet no matter what work-around he used, Destiny wasn't responding. She let him into the system, he could scroll through all the files, but he couldn't transfer any of them to this station. Why the bloody hell not!<p>

He was alone in the infirmary, had been for hours. An airman stood guard by the door but he kept to himself. Rush was going stir crazy with absolutely nothing to keep his mind stimulated. He'd do almost anything for a Rubix Cube right about now, or his notepads or even an interruption of the endless humdrum of his day.

The words _Be Careful What You Wish For_ floated around his brain when he heard footsteps and Colonel Young walked in. Rush pulled his hands away from the console like it was a hot stove.

"Not trying to hack into the ship's system, are you?"

Rush crossed his arms over his chest, trying his best to look innocent.

"Look, I know you're bored, but rest means lying in bed off your feet, not trying to get work done from a medical console," Young chastised evenly.

Rush's unfriendly demeanor didn't budge. Young reconsidered if now was a good time to start this conversation. The fact was that if he gave Rush a choice they would probably never talk about it. In that moment he was everything but the calm and assertive leader they required; stuttering, shy buffoon would be more accurate.

"TJ told me…well, she told me that you're…you know, you're recovering well." He smiled and nodded. Rush cocked his head, non-verbally asking if that was all. "Look, I realize that between us…a lot is still unresolved…emotionally. B-but we – she…doesn't think you'll have a problem working with me. Even if there was a problem between us where we couldn't work together we'd have to find a solution, because…you're indispensible for the mission and I'm…I'm…" a complete idiot.

"Right…" Rush murmured.

Young didn't know how he had imagined this discussion would go, but it wasn't even this lame in his head. This was teenage-hood all over again. Rush continued to give him the cold shoulder, deciding for them both that the Colonel was on his way out.

Young was reconciled that Rush was in one of his moods and he wasn't going to get much more out of him. "Anyways, you can go back to work tomorrow morning. Just take it easy…you know, the usual."

Then Young reached into his inside pocket, pulled out a small parcel and placed it on the nearest bed. It was a black military shirt, tightly folded and rolled. "Thought you could use one."

Young was almost to the door when he abruptly turned on his heels and marched back. "I keep forgetting…" He pulled his hand from his pocket and extended his arm. In his palm was a small piece of Ancient technology. That won Rush's interest and he accepted the gift, careful not to touch Young's skin.

"Scott found it on the planet…thought you might like to have a look."

Rush turned it over in his fingers, inspecting the details and design. When he looked up to say thank you the Colonel was already gone.

* * *

><p>"And then what happened?"<p>

"And then I walked out."

TJ, who was sitting on Young's couch, was momentarily wordless. "Did he say anything?"

Young paced across his desk and had been doing so since the start of their conversation. TJ's nerves were beginning to thin. "He just stood there with that superior look on his face," he grumbled.

"You can't expect him to know how you feel," TJ reasoned.

"I know," Young shot back a little stronger than he intended. "I just couldn't do it. It's wrong on so many levels; from a military standpoint it's suicide, never mind what it would look like to the crew –"

"They would understand…"

"Our reputations, we'd be putting everything on the line!"

"Would you just STOP for a second!" Young halted and looked dazedly at his irritable chief medic. She held her hand out imploringly. "Come sit down, relax a little. You're getting me all riled up too."

Young sighed and sunk heavily into the cushion. He placed his cup of spirits on the table top. He had replaced the broken glass with a metal sheet from destiny's spare parts. His desk was a little chipped at the corner from being handled so abusively, but otherwise all was back in order in the Colonel's quarters.

"It's just not that simple," he breathed. "And on top of all that, it's Rush…Rush, for crying out loud."

"Animosity doesn't have to stay that way forever," TJ replied wisely. "Look, all I can tell you is that the feelings won't go away, not in a society this small. You either get it off your chest, at the risk of being rejected, or you keep it bottled up inside where it'll gnaw at you every day. I know you know which one is the right thing to do…for both of you."

Everett enjoyed his first real smile of the day. He reached out, grasped her hand in his and squeezed. "I'm sorry I'm such a grouchy old man. I realize this must make you uncomfortable…talking about this with me."

TJ lowered her eyes and shook her head. "I accepted that we could never…work. Not after the baby."

"I know. And I'm sorry."

"It was never anyone's fault. What happened was out of our control." She looked at him seriously, piercingly. "But you can choose what to do about Rush."

* * *

><p>Rush felt weird walking about the ship again, like he was seeing it for the first time. All the time away from his normal schedule had thrown his perception off; he was rediscovering, with no small amount of delight, the wonder that was Destiny. It was like returning from a vacation that made you appreciate what you had at home.<p>

One of the first things he did with his freedom was go to the bridge and listen to the pattern in the Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation. He clung to it, remembering his life before the ra– he still couldn't bring himself to say it. Things would return to normal now and Rush would continue onwards with the mission. Of course, there would be rumors, but they would soon die away. He would be okay. Everything was okay

Except for one thing…

Rush's hand lingered over the door. He looked like a puppet under the control of a novice puppeteer; his knuckles almost met metal but he jerked away at the last second, then tried again, then moved away again. A passing crewman gave him an odd look and Rush sent him off with an evil eye of his own. Feeling ridiculous, he finally committed to knocking when the doors slid open.

"Nicholas!" Camille chirped, surprised by her late visitor.

"I'm sorry I was just…"

"No, no, that's alright. I heard someone outside. I didn't hear a knock so I figured I'd come check. Please, come in."

Rush entered after her, looking around uncertainly. He was already getting cold feet and they had barely said two sentences to each other. Camille sat down in one of her lounge chairs and invited Rush to the one across from her.

"I heard what happened with you and the Colonel."

For a moment Rush's blood turned cold, and he was horrified that she somehow knew. But then she said, "Everyone's talking about how you saved Colonel Young."

"Oh…right."

"I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to visit you in the infirmary. We've been busier than usual around here."

"Seems everyone's been productive except me."

Camille smiled. "How are you holding up?"

"As well as can be expected, given current circumstances."

Camille's face transitioned from question to certainty. Rush wasn't here for a light chat. He didn't do small talk, she should know. She leaned forward, fully engaging her attention in him, trying to make him feel welcome to talk freely about what was on his mind.

Rush licked his lips nervously, avoiding eye contact and clasping his fingers until they were white. "If you don't mind me asking…when…when did you know you preferred women?"

She thought the question was odd, especially coming from him, but she answered sincerely. "Ever since I was a young girl. I took more interest in the female anatomy. I couldn't be bothered by the boys or what they thought. I made my Barbies do things with each other." She laughed and looked to be remembering something beautiful. "Then in high school I had a friend…she introduced me to the culture. There was no turning back after that."

"What did your parents think?"

"They suspected when I never came home with a boyfriend. My dad was more accepting of it than my mom, but she eventually came around. They cared more about my career success than who I dated. In a way it was a blessing."

"You obviously didn't have trouble earning your way to the top," Rush suggested.

"There were difficulties, especially before I learned to be comfortable being seen intimately with another woman. In professional environments I often kept those details to myself. But I still believe that women have an easier time being gay than men. Something about men being together is really offensive to many people, especially other men. I guess that's because they think it retracts from their masculinity."

Camille caught the way Rush hung his head, like he was disappointed, or in despair.

"What is it, Nicholas," she asked gently.

After a pause Rush answered, "I think I may be having…romantic feelings for someone on Destiny."

Camille considered the statement and was quizzical about his choice of confidants…until the light bulb went off in her mind.

"Another man," she stated.

"Yes."

She wasn't sure which was more shocking; the confession or confessioner. Regardless, she felt that delight that always accompanied the moment another person came out. But Rush had had a wife, and his file listed all his previous relationships as female. Something had obviously changed in him and he didn't like it. Not often did a man turn homosexual so late. It was certainly unusual but not impossible for someone to develop an attraction for the same sex after a life of the status quo. Sometimes the change happened for a specific person and no one else.

"Does he share your tendency?"

"No." Rush reconsidered. "I'm not sure!" He shot out of his seat, unable to continue. "I'm sorry to have bothered you."

"Nicholas, wait!"

Rush was already out the door.

* * *

><p>Volker leaned across Greer at an awkward angle, completely invading his personal space and indicated a specific point on the weapon he was handling. "This controls the power output; blue is low, red is high."<p>

"Got it," Greer assured.

"Okay, well…you've got it on high…"

"I know."

"Right...Oh! And here," he shouldered Greer and pointed to a small screen on top of the weapon. "This is your display; it has infra-red and heat sensors and multiple target acquisition."

Greer glanced at him crossly from the corner of his eye. "I don't want to get all fancy; I just want to shoot the damn thing."

Park, who was standing apart from the men, scrunched her face like the gun could explode at any second and said, "Are you sure this is safe? What if the projectile bounces off the walls?"

Greer raised the weapon against his shoulder. "It won't."

"It might have a bit of a kick, maybe you want to–"

_FWOOM!_

The two scientists ducked as a pulse ejected and hit the metal slab on the opposite wall. They looked up slowly through their fingers at the damage, a black scorch mark still steaming and slightly melted around the edge.

Greer pulled off his safety glasses and nodded, grinning like a little boy. "Now that…is cool."

"Impressive." They all turned abruptly as Colonel Young made an entrance. He had been watching them by the door, a half-grin plastered to his face the entire time.

"Yes, Sir," Greer agreed.

Young examined all the objects they had obtained. Many of them had paper notes next to them, cataloguing what the science team had learned about them. As Greer placed his new toy back in its spot, Young glimpsed its label and chuckled. In Brody's handwriting was written, _potentially dangerous but really cool space gun #2._

"Alright, what have you got?"

"We've been able to identify over half of what Scott's team brought back, though with limited detail," said Volker. "A lot of it is medical equipment, probably diagnostic stuff. There's also a case of what might be medicine, probably experimental given their found location. TJ's looking at it now." He pointed to Greer. "We have four more of those, and an assortment of handhelds. They're fueled by power cells which are, fortunately for us, compatible with our recharging technology."

"So, infinite ammo is what you're telling me."

"Sort of," Park interjected. "We have no replacement cells. There's no way to recharge off world if they lose power, unless we cannibalize the cells from other weapons temporarily."

"I'll take what I can get," Young reassured.

"Then there's this thing." Volker picked up a rounded disk, placed it on the floor between them and pressed a button. A hologram of some partial surface of a planet appeared above in a grid. Numbers and words scrolled down the side but Young couldn't make heads of tales of them.

"It's a projector," Parks declared enthusiastically, if a bit dimly.

"I can see that," said Young gently.

"What's it projecting," Greer asked.

"It looks like information about planetary terrain. There are several others stored in its database. We think it scans and stores data from surrounding environments."

"It's like that thing in Star Wars," Greer said and copped a bizarre look from Volker. "Help me Obi Wan Kanobi, you're my _only_ hope," he imitated in a high pitched voice. Park giggled and tapped him playfully on the arm.

Young ignored the byplay. "Can you use it to scan the unexplored areas of the ship?"

"We know how it works, just not how to make it work," Park clarified.

"I see." Young spotted a metal sphere a little larger than a Kino with no label. He picked it up, feeling its weight in his palm. "And what's this?"

"I wouldn't touch that, Colonel!" Volker eased the object out of his hands and replaced it gingerly on its stand. "Brody came in this morning and found it crawling around. We think it's a….well it might be…" Volker cleared his throat. "We don't really know what it is, exactly." His expression was pained. "We could really use Rush's help with all this."

Young pinched the bridge of his nose. He was beginning to understand Rush's frustration. It's like they all needed him to hold their hand. Young's understanding of Rush's crucial role in the ongoing survival of the crew was intensifying. Eli might keep them all afloat morally, but Rush kept them alive.

"I'll see what I can do."

* * *

><p>Affairs were certainly going back to normal, Young thought…normal for the crew of the Destiny, that is. They really had no claim to that word if outside every window they saw the FTL drive wake. By Earth standards, Faster-Than-Light-travel was still centuries away. He sometimes felt insignificant when he gave it too much thought. Then he considered how many scientists would give an arm to be in his place. He certainly couldn't appreciate it as much as they would.<p>

And the Stargate, Earth's greatest secret, continued to benefit mankind and other humans in the Milky Way galaxy with only a fraction of that population being aware of its existence. Young should have felt lucky to be a part of that; he _was_ lucky. He was on the frontier of discovery, the greatest of them all. At times he almost understood the burning desire to know the unknown that fueled Rush's heart. But at the end of the day, no matter how many worlds they visited and what they learned, it all came down to people and relationships. Was there a point in any discovery if you couldn't share it with others? If sacrificing relationships for the advancement of science was a passionate choice, was it really sacrifice?

No man is an island, not even Rush. He had beseeched Young to work with him, and to convince others to do the same. So Rush too was aware that he couldn't do this alone. Young was committed to helping Rush through his convalescence, he wouldn't back out from that. However, the man's healing requirements were vaster than one lousy experience. His pain went back years, and it might take just as long or longer to fish the poisons out of his system, one by painful one.

His desire and readiness to step up and accept the challenge was frightening, but he was ready. The consequences of not trying were far more devastating. No science would save either of them from lack of love. All was sweeter if one had good relationships to fall back on. Young wasn't going to spend the rest of his days lonely and bitter on an abandoned spaceship in the name of discovery and science. He didn't believe that. What he did believe was that a purpose existed for everyone here and Young was convinced that his role was social, not scientific.

Rush was quickly falling into darkness and if someone didn't pull him out soon there would be no return. Eventually he would lose even his passion for Destiny, and there would be no more mission. Young had seen it all his life; good men who sacrificed everything on faith alone had stumbled at some point. Those without a helping hand to pick them up ended up a mere husk of their former selves.

But as willing as Young was to undertake this personal mission, Rush seemed as equally resistant to him.

Ever since their day together in the infirmary Rush had unconditionally ignored him. He had gone through one of the scientists if he needed to deliver Young a message. If they crossed each other in hall, Rush kept walking like he was the only one there. He had even left the bridge when Young made an appearance. That was going to stop, right now.

Young was down the hall of the engineering room, ready to give Rush a verbal slap in the face when he heard Eli speaking.

"_It would be a lot easier if I knew what to look for."_ His voice was muffled by radio static.

"I know, but I can't tell you."

"_What about Colonel Young, does he know?"_

"Don't tell the Colonel about this."

When Young heard his name, he slowed to a stop and his ears prickled with attention.

"_Why, it could be important. We need to keep him in the loop."_

"Just…for now," Rush appeased.

"_There could be a problem with the ship–"_

"I don't want to bother him with irrelevant information," Rush insisted.

"_Ha! When have you ever cared about bothering Young?"_

Silence, and Young's heart thrummed so loudly that he feared it would give away his position.

"Yeah well, things can change," Rush finally whispered. "Trust me, Destiny is in no danger."

Eli sighed. _"Fine, it's your call. I just hope you're not planning anything,"_ he groused. _"Oh, and I am hereby absolved of blame should anything go wrong. I'll call you back if I find anything."_

"Thank you, Eli."

Young struggled to process what he'd just overheard without making assumptions. If he jumped the gun there would probably be misunderstanding and more animosity. He had to believe that Rush was no longer the kind of man who would endanger the crew. They had gotten past that. No, it was something more personal that was bothering Rush, something he didn't want anyone to else to know.

He stored away the information in his brain for later.

Feeling defused and less provoked than before, he waited another couple minutes before making an appearance. After that chat with Eli, Young imaged that Rush would be even fouler than usual, and so was prepared when he came face to face with the full-blown moody scientist.

"We need to talk." Very subtle, Young thought sarcastically. He committed the most detrimental act possible right now by walking in and spilling his authority into the room. He cringed at the equally potent response.

"Can it wait, I'm rather busy."

"You're always busy."

"Except for when I'm being held in the infirmary, quite!"

Oh how Young wished he could rewind the last 10 seconds.

He tried for a smile this time and a different approach. "As you can imagine, the science team has been swamped with repairs. Eli hasn't had a chance to uncover any more of the Alteran database." He caught the nervous glint in Rush's eye. "I thought you could have a look at it; you're the only one that can read the old dialect anyways."

"That would be at the bottom of my very important, very lengthy to-do list."

"Volker and Park could also use your help classifying all the stuff we brought back."

"All things that can wait, unlike the repairs that only I am qualified to undertake! Now if you don't mind…"

"Actually, I do…mind." Maybe there was no nice way around this. Maybe the only way to get anything out of Rush right now was by provocation. In his anger and annoyance he might reveal himself a little more. "For the past couple days you have been going out of your way to avoid me." Rush looked away but Young moved back into his line of vision. "You don't answer when I call, you leave when I arrive and when we do have to spend time together for business you pretend like I'm not there."

Rush kept typing, if only to further infuriate Young. "As I've said, a lot has accumulated in my absence."

"Don't give me your bullshit, Rush. You think I don't know when you're playing me by now?"

Rush felt bothered by an unfamiliar anxiety that Young was misconstruing his behavior. If he hurt Young he predicted that he'd share the pain, and that would be most unusual for him. He cast his eyes down. "It's nothing like that." Rush hesitated on his next words, but Young stayed patient. "Being near you is too much of a distraction. It interferes with my work."

Young held back the swell of triumph at this unexpected but long overdue turn of conversation. "What's changed between now and before?"

Rush shook his head and flipped to the next page in his notepad, intending to completely shut the Colonel out.

"Damnit, talk to me!" Young slammed his palm against the screen of Rush's console, making the scientist jump and look at him with wide, uneasy eyes. It took all of Everett's willpower not to grab the other man by the scruff of his neck and shake sense into him. "Face it now! NOW! Or so help me I'll find a way to get it out of you."

Rush was actually backing away slightly, physically afraid of the Colonel for the first time since they squabbled on the other ship…not the incident on Altera. That truth alone almost enough to make his knees buckle.

"I know you're feeling what I'm feeling," Young rasped in a dark, threatening tone and Rush shivered.

"You realize what you're saying, don't you?" he choked

"It's crazy, I know," Young breathed, opening his palms helplessly.

Rush found courage in his anger, taking a step forward and asserting himself by pointing his finger into the Colonel's heaving chest. "It's ten times that. The chances of us coming across a power source capable of dialing Earth tomorrow are more likely." He threw his hands up. "WE could never work!"

Everett ignored the crushing pain in his chest. "That's only because you're afraid!"

"Yes! Yes, because you…" He gestured at his own body, specifically his groin, trying and failing to talk about their sexual act. "And now I'm…useless! This…" He balled his notepad in his fist. His pen went flying. "I can't concentrate; I can hardly get a thing done! All because of the feelings _you_ put here!" Rush jabbed himself in the chest, wincing at the sting of his healing bone.

"I'm not making you feel the way you do. What happened between us has changed _us_ and we choose the way we react. You can deny, rationalize, and theorize all you want but it's there! You can't reject that."

"I beg to differ, Colonel. I'll eventually learn to block you out completely."

"Ignoring me, expending energy in your effort not to find yourself in the same space as me...yeah, Rush, that's really dealing with it. That's not a solution, it's just a cover-up, a lie, and we both know how practiced you are at that!"

The two men took some distance and walked a big circle around each other, regrouping and collecting their thoughts. Young came back much calmer.

"If you reject what you are you'll live in constant pain and conflict," he insisted.

"I'm not gay, I can't fight that either!"

"Well, neither am I!" He raised a warning finger. "And don't you bring up my youth; those were one-off curiosities."

Rush crossed his arms and leaned against a console. "Alright then, what do you suggest we do about it?"

This was the part Young hadn't yet figured out. Truth be told he never expected to make it this far. Ironically, this was the point where –if he was a woman – he'd say something emotionally profound to convince Rush to _'give it a try.'_ Instead, there he stood with his hands stuffed awkwardly in his pockets, shifting his weight from one foot to another. Rush had expected him to falter, hence why he felt so secure in calling his bluff. Young needed to get him at his own game. In this moment in time Young was the one with nothing to lose.

"We admit it to each other, get it off our chests. We can take it from there."

The expression on Rush's face was worth ten Destinies. Young's jaw quivered with the effort to keep a straight face. So this was how Rush reacted to having something important on the line.

"Of course, you've already admitted it, haven't you?" Young's statement wasn't coarse, rather a gentle ribbing. "Come on, Rush. You don't think I'm having a hard time with this to? You have no idea…"

He took a few steps forward and Rush matched him backwards. It reminded Young of the way he had reacted on the alien ship coming face to face with Young-as-Blue-Alien. Rush wasn't ready to hear what he had to say, and wouldn't be until Young showed him there was no danger.

"You're a smug, arrogant, immoral, self-serving, egotistical bastard," Young said. That seemed to calm Rush down somewhat, since this was old news. "And for some insane reason, I find myself intrigued by you, caring for you…and even a-attracted to you."

Rush shook his hand out in front of him, pleading him not to continue. Young's voice was a timer and if he finished his declaration, his life would explode. If they moved beyond this point, all damage done was irreparable in Rush's eyes. He was so hurt and his trust was so thin he didn't think he was capable of a healthy, forgiving relationship. And yet…yet this man had proven worthy under the worst possible circumstance.

And that was where the attraction came from. Young had proven many times that he was the only one on Destiny strong enough to handle him.

Rush dropped the invisible barrier between them and surrendered. His mind was reeling in protest, but for once his heart won. His heart, underused as it was lately, pumped hot blood through every vein and it was almost painful.

Young met him with his body. He traced Rush's jaw with his finger and tilted his chin up…waited for Rush to look up at him, and then covered his lips with his own. For a moment it felt like Rush was responding, but then he grew rigid. His hands hadn't moved from his side. His mouth remained closed and uninviting. Young opened his eyes and Rush was staring into his very soul, like the almighty Himself was judging him.

He broke away abruptly and Rush's chest heaved with shock. By the time he caught his breath enough to speak, he was alone.

TBC

* * *

><p>It is ON! Their attraction is out in the open (somewhat) and Rush is unexpectedly accepting (somewhat). I hope you didn't expect their first real kiss to be perfectly passionate, that would be too easy. I admit, writing this by the seat of my pants is really fun and exciting.<p>

Cookies for anyone who got Greer's joke ;) Please review.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Been a while since the last update, that's because I've unexpectedly moved. I wasn't happy where I was and I decided quite last minute to get out. I've been working on this chapter a bit at a time since then. Also, as the plot is now becoming more complex, each chapter is more challenging to write. I'm still inviting people to make suggestions for the plot. I'm pretty tired, so no more words from me, simply enjoy the read :]

* * *

><p><em>"I didn't mean for it to happen that way…"<em>

_"Keep away from me and out of my sight, that's all you need to do!"_

_"You were responding, I thought…"_

_Rush pointed dangerously at him. "Maybe in your twisted, disgusting mind, Colonel…not mine!"_

_"Rush, listen to me…"_

_"Leave, or I'll report you to Stargate Command."_

_"Will that include how I spitefully raped you?"_

_Rush's answer was silent, a piercing gaze that dared the Colonel to challenge him. Young forced his feet to move, forced himself to leave before he hit the other man as hard as he could. _

Young jolted awake, breathing hard. He propped on his forearms, looking around the room as if he expected Rush to be watching over him like a specter. The man was haunting him even in his dreams.

Indeed, Young's every thought and action bore a trace of consideration for Rush. His decisions, he realized with no small amount of anxiety, were determined by Rush's potential reaction to them. In other words, he was going out of his way to keep Rush happy – if he could even use that word. And he wasn't forcing himself either, he was doing it naturally, as a mother would consider a child or perhaps…as a lover would consider their partner.

Young squeezed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, excising those thoughts immediately. That confrontation had happened over a week ago, two days after their 'kiss,' and every night since it played over again as he slept. He didn't recall what had provoked the argument, who had said what first, or why he was there in the first place. Young couldn't bring himself to be near Rush since.

Even now, when he remembered Rush's threat, his rage burned cold through every cell in his body, making his skin shiver and his temple pulse. Peeling away that superficial layer of emotion, he felt a piercing pain stab him in the heart at the thought that Rush would consider intentionally hurting him. That, Young conceded, meant that he cared what Rush thought of him, and that was too vulnerable a position for his taste. It wasn't as if debunking Young was a new behavior; Rush's previous attempts had been well planned and executed with vigorous intent. Now he just seemed to lack the heart for it…or perhaps had found his heart.

In fact, it was very out of character for Rush not to capitalize on such a good opportunity to ruin Young's reputation, possibly force him to step down as commander. Of course, if it did ever come to light, Young would be absolved of charges due to the circumstances, and Rush knew it. That might explain his reticence; he'd have to put his own dignity on the line in order to ruin Young. That sounded more like Rush.

And yet, when asked by General O'Neill to report back to Earth to give his version of events, Rush had outright refused, telling Camille, "I'm sure Colonel Young won't leave anything to the imagination." That could only mean that Rush trusted Young to honor their agreement to keep the sensitive details of their mission a secret, further proof of the scientist's positive change. Then again, Rush had insurance that if Young told the full truth, his record would be permanently tarnished, even if he had acted in the best interest of the greater good.

Young sat up and cradled his sweaty face in his hands. The frigid floor against his warm toes was the only thing grounding him. His own thoughts were maddening, constantly changing shape and changing loyalties. He had been so clear, so sure that he and Rush shared certain feelings…now doubt was his only companion, like a stubborn infection it kept coming back just when he thought it was gone. For every argument that supported Rush's mutual attraction, Young found a counterargument. For every reason a relationship might work, he found two reasons why it absolutely couldn't.

Forcing a kiss had been too bold a move, it was too early…far, far too early! He'd alienated Rush even further, possibly undoing any progress gained in the last few days. Young's lack of control over his baser instincts was repulsive; at the time his mind rationalized that dominating the other man was the right thing to do, like an animal marking its territory. Now that the haze of impulse had cleared, all Young felt was guilt, eating him away like maggots on a carcass. He wanted to take a knife and stab it through his hand so that his physical pain might dull the constant ache in his heart. He couldn't rub away the discomfort, he couldn't pop pills or shoot morphine to dim the sensation. No, he was stuck with this unquenchable frustration.

"Fucking hell…" he spat to the darkness. He didn't have the desire to be near another human being today. He was so disgusted with himself that he had no hope of being tolerant of anyone else. Getting wasted on alcohol and drowning the hours in self-pity was no less than he deserved. Unfortunately, the debriefing with General O'Neill that he had resisted for this long was finally scheduled for this morning, in half an hour.

Young had put it off for as long as he could, making up excuse after excuse. He had a feeling O'Neill had humored him because he recognized that something big had happened, and he knew better than anyone at Stargate Command that, following certain missions, the last thing one wanted was to relive it in detail. Unfortunately, the IOA's collective brown-nosing had made the issue non-negotiable. After the meeting with her colleagues, Camille had told him that they seemed dissatisfied with the answers she provided. Young was under a lot of fire for his reckless raid for technology, and apparently the IOA was convinced of ulterior motives.

All warmth having left his feet, Young pulled on his tattered socks and got ready for the day. His hand twitched towards his flask, but he refrained; he didn't their guest to taste the bitterness and report back that Destiny's Commander was a drunk.

He was to be interviewed alone, and Camille had spared no expense in voicing her outrage. Her insistence that she accompany him fell on deaf ears. Feeling less like IOA and more like one of Destiny's people, she apologized sincerely to Young, saying 'it's out of my hands.'

Young wasn't all that concerned; what anyone thought had happened between he and Rush was pure speculation, and his number one priority was to keep it that way. However, he had little doubt that if the IOA caught his scent, they would do anything to make Young yield.

The only reason anyone on Destiny still had to follow Homeworld orders was because they wanted to see their families. Otherwise there was nothing Stargate Command could do if they declared anarchy. That one emotional bargaining chip was all they needed to keep the majority in line. Young had no personal ties to Earth anymore, but most of his crew did and he was responsible for protecting their interests.

His crew, Destiny's crew, was evolving into its own society, with its own system of government, managed in equal parts by military, scientists, and civilians. The more Young thought about it, the more he realized that they were all more committed to the mission than they realized. At first, Young, along with everyone except Rush, had been obsessed with finding a way home. Slowly those desires had adjusted to survival, developing new relationships, and discovering the wonders of the Universe. He saw it on his scientists' faces when they laid their eyes on something new and unknown; thoughts of Earth and getting home completely disappeared in those moments.

People who had previously been just another number were thriving now that they were forced to be leaders, pioneers, inventors and thinkers. Scott had created several training programs and organized fitness schedules for everyone. Perhaps the loveliest flower was TJ, who had blossomed under the demands of being the only healer on board. Camille had embraced the challenge of establishing diplomacy and a social system. People were crossing into fields that were not their own; Park dabbled in everything, most notably the success of the hydroponics room. Everyone, every single individual under Young's command had displayed incredible ability to step up to the plate.

As Young made his way to the stone room he was flooded with intensifying solidarity for his crew. They were their own entity. And without intention they were on their way to accepting the ship and its journey as their own. In one second, Young better understood Rush's motives. What they had on Destiny deserved protection.

Corporal Barnes was on stone duty and Lieutenant Scott was there to greet Doctor Jackson, who had agreed to help Eli with the translation of the Alteran database. Young spared them a grumpy 'good' morning. He hesitated fractionally before setting his stone on the interface platform

Destiny melted into computer monitors and blinking lights at the SGC, but his host body wasn't unfamiliar. He grabbed the mirror on the table. Telford…

"Colonel Young?" asked the airmen at his side.

Young rose slowly from his seat, hoping that his seething rage was pouring out of him. "Yes. Where is General O'Neill?"

"Confirmation please."

"94367, what the hell is going on?"

"This way, Sir."

General O'Neill and Mr. Woolsey stood when he entered the briefing room. There were four other IOA members present, a bit of an overkill in Young's opinion. Among them was Mr. Coolidge, a man he had only read about it reports, and from that had learned that he was dangerous. He didn't look the part, though, with his shiny balding head, double chin and bulbous nose. Even his name sounded untrustworthy.

"Colonel Young." Woolsey nodded in what Everett thought was an imploring gesture. "Please have a seat and we'll begin." He promptly opened his considerably thick folder, shuffling papers around nervously and cleaning his glasses as an excuse to evade eye contact.

"Who ordered this," Young growled, thinking that at least in Telford's body he had a hope of being intimidating.

"Sit, Everett," O'Neill ordered calmly. "I authorized it. There was no way around it. We both know Rush won't use the stones even if ordered to, so I sent someone to him."

"You could have picked anyone, anyone but Telford." The General's guilty face provided the answer. "His rank. You needed someone who outranked my military personnel so that he can freely roam the ship, is that it?"

"Telford's the best qualified, he knows more about what happens on Destiny than anyone else here."

"He also has personal issues with Rush!"

"I know that. But I got orders from up high and I had nothing to fight it. And for God's sake, will you just sit!"

Young acquiesced. "Let's get this over with so I can get back to my ship."

"You will be here for as long as we deem it necessary," Coolidge drawled in a nasal, lethargic tone.

Woolsey glanced between Young and Coolidge, exuding discomfort. Young guessed that next to the General, Woolsey was the most likely to be objective. As for the others, he felt sick just looking at them in their expensive suits, wearing their cheap faces. What a weak intimidation tactic, having so many of them in the meeting.

Coolidge licked his finger and leafed through his papers, plucking one from the pile. "When the Alterans made contact with you, did you have any reservations about who they claimed to be?"

Young took a moment to find ground and gather his thoughts. He had expected to start talking from the beginning, but if they wanted to speed over details he was willing to oblige. "Yes," he replied neutrally.

"Could you…elaborate?"

"The odds of finding living Ancients, let alone their original home planet are pretty small, so I've been told."

"But you were willing to send a team, without proof of their claim."

"They were Ancients, we established that. Even before the mission, Destiny confirmed their technology was as Ancient. Both Rush and Eli corroborated. I saw no reason why we shouldn't investigate."

"But Rush thought otherwise." Coolidge eyed Young pointedly, trying to dissect his body language and detect any dishonesty.

So, Young thought, they were homing in on the core matter. This wasn't a debriefing, this was an interrogation. "Doctor Rush did express concerns –"

"Elaborate."

Young's hand twitched with the desire to knock the man on his impatient, superior ass. With a bite of sarcasm he replied, "We were all a little intimidated at the time. That's usually the case when a one in a trillion chance happens to you."

"Like winning the lottery," Woolsey provided.

Young nodded. "Once Rush got over the odds, he was just as eager as the rest of us to find out more."

"You assigned him to the team," Coolidge stated factually.

"He asked to go."

Coolidge took a calculated pause to stare the Colonel down for the sake of intimidation. Young knew by the nervous flicking of his pupils that he really had no idea what he was doing, that he was going by the book. Unhappily for the IOA, tact wasn't something one could learn without existing talent.

"Camille Ray says that as soon as you arrived on Altera you were greeted by a woman named Maridia who presented you with bizarre social requirements to observe in the presence of the Council."

"That's right."

"Isn't it true that Doctor Rush has displayed, more than once, a tendency to completely disregard the chain of command and the rules to suit his needs?"

"Yes."

"Why, then, did you allow him to accompany to such a sensitive meeting?"

"He is the only qualified person on Destiny to handle that kind of situation."

"Eli Wallace would have been a more prudent choice."

"Eli isn't fluent in Ancient, and I assigned him to crack their database…"

"An endeavor that has yet to yield any reward."

"It might have if you had switched me with the person we agreed on."

"I think we're going on a bit of a tangent here," O'Neill interrupted. Coolidge repositioned his seat and tugged his tie. "So you allowed Rush to come with you, against your better judgment."

Young's throat constricted and he was unable to return the General's gaze. "Yes, Sir. I pulled Rush aside, told him to play the part. The meeting went relatively well. Then Rush accepted an invitation to see their archives and we didn't see him until the banquet. I had no idea they were preventing him from communicating with the rest of us."

"And you didn't think to check up on him?" Woolsey asked delicately.

"Ignoring me and failing to check-in is typical Rush behavior. When he appeared agitated that evening, I knew something was wrong. That's when we tried to leave the room together."

"And that's when it all fell apart," said Woolsey.

Young nodded. "Rush had come across disturbing evidence that these Alterans have what we consider controversial methods for stunting their technological and social growth, possibly the precursor for the Ori culture. That's when he opened his big mouth, insulted the Head of Council and the two of us were taken away."

"Why were you taken with him?" Coolidge asked.

Young shrugged, pushing away the sudden build up of anxiety in his stomach. "I attacked the guards."

Coolidge was quick to counter. "So did Lieutenant James, and Sergeant Greer threatened them with his firearm yet they were brought to their rooms without further question."

Damn, it's like he had anticipated his responses. Young had underestimated their knowledge of the incident, and while there was no way they knew the details of what he'd done to Rush, they had made stunningly accurate assumptions based on Camille's thorough report. Staying quiet was almost an admission of guilt, but lying now could definitely bite him in the ass later.

"Where did they take you?"

"To an interrogation room. They told me Rush would be punished for breaking their laws."

"Miss Ray said the rest of the group found you together in a large open hall. Doctor Rush was barely conscious, he was only partially dressed and there was fresh blood on the floor."

"I didn't see what happened. After they were done, they brought me to him. He was like that when I got there."

"There were no visible wounds," Coolidge persisted, turning a page in his notes, looking not the least bit convinced.

Young leaned forward in his seat and pinned Coolidge with a stare so dangerous enough to make the strongest man crumble. "If you want to accuse me of something then just come out an accuse me."

An amused smirk twisted the other man's purple lips and he leaned back in his seat, disguising his unease with a smarmy chuckle.

Woolsey cleared his throat for the hundredth time and glanced sideways at the Colonel, afraid to incur his wrath. "What _were_ Doctor Rush's injuries?"

"That information is protected by Doctor-Patient Confidentiality," Young evaded easily, his eyes still keeping Coolidge frozen in his seat.

O'Neill leaned forward and laced his fingers together, looking as happy as a pissed off System Lord for having to entertain this meeting. "We need to know, Everett."

Young caught the unspoken order but already had a way out waiting in the wings. "I'm afraid that I don't know much more than you. Rush specifically expressed a desire to keep his physical condition confidential. I asked TJ about it but she insisted on privacy."

Coolidge's voice sounded like sludge being forced through a clogged pipe. "That has already been taken care of, Colonel."

Shit…that bastard. That's what Telford was doing on Destiny; TJ would have no choice but to hand over Rush's medical file if ordered. Then, not only would Young be proven a liar, but they'd know…He needed to get back to Destiny, _now_.

"You also authorized a team to raid one of the Alteran laboratories," Coolidge continued impassively. "Overlooking the gross violation of our rules, you returned to the planet with them." It was his turn to catch the Colonel on one foot, taking advantage of his panic at being unable to help his people. "I know you didn't go with them…so what exactly were you doing all by yourself down there. What did you do to Rush to make you so angry that you had to blame someone else for your mistake."

O'Neill opened his mouth to mediate and Young shot to his feet with every intention to hurt the smarmy slug when he was pulled back into his own body.

"–don't care if you're Jesus himself…get your hands off him."

Young was unexpectedly out of breath. His hands were clenched around fabric, his knuckles white and hands shaking. Greer was in his face, trying to pry him away from the person he was clinging too. Then, with a shock so great is rooted him to the ground, he saw Rush looking at him with wide, terrorized eyes. His mouth was parted in shock, his lower lip trembling. His hands were raised in anticipation of being hit. Young's muscles skipped a beat and that's when Greer broke the hold and slammed him backwards into a bulkhead, his forearm pressing his windpipe.

To the left TJ steadied Rush as he was forced back by the skirmish. She had her radio raised to her mouth and he heard Eli speaking. _"That's it…you have another ten seconds at most!"_

TJ looked for recognition in the eyes of the man she knew so well. "Colonel?"

"What the hell did Telford do!" Young choked out. He was instinctively still struggling against Greer, trying to go help Rush. The man looked utterly damaged.

"Sir, we need to hear your orders!" Greer's crisp voice rang like crystal bells in his head.

"Pull the damn stone, get me back now!"

Then Young was back at the SGC only long enough to grasp that General O'Neill was pissed and he and Coolidge were having a shouting match as Woolsey beseeched them to return to order. Two seconds later he was back on Destiny, shoving the Sergeant away and walking towards Rush.

Though knowing the Colonel was back in his body, Rush was unable to suppress the reflex to step back. Young halted abruptly, like someone had just driven a knife into his gut. He looked to his officers for help, for an explanation, but both were shocked into silence by the gravity of what had transpired in his absence. They knew, they were witnesses, and it ate Young alive that he hadn't a clue yet what he'd done.

"I didn't know they would switch me with Telford," he pleaded to Rush.

For once Rush had the grace to believe him. But when he looked at Young he could only hear his voice hissing Telford's poison through gritted teeth, could feel the thrumming of his abused flesh around his shoulders where Telford had grabbed him with Young's hands. The safety Rush felt in the other man's presence was a figment, present only minutes ago, now shattered.

Rush felt betrayed by his own weakness, his own inability to separate the man from the act, just as he had failed to do so that day…Telford had ripped the truth from deep inside his soul; that he was terrified of Colonel Young. Logic failed him each time he tried to rationalize his trauma. The fact was that no matter the circumstances, Young had committed a violent act against him, and Rush's pragmatic side had failed to compensate his survival instinct. So while he wanted nothing more than to move on, his fear and hurt wouldn't let him.

Rush stepped backwards all the way to the door then, throwing a fleeting look he knew looked like betrayal in Young's direction, he turned on his heels and strode out.

"Rush…" Young dashed after him. "Rush!"

"Sir, I don't think it's a good idea to go after him right now," TJ croaked.

Young rounded on his two officers, knowing this situation wasn't their fault but needing to diffuse his frustration. "I wanna know everything that bastard said and did."

If TJ didn't know the man before her as well as she did she would assume his tone was threatening. The complete opposite was true; Young felt threatened and very vulnerable and he was covering it up with unbridled assertions.

"Telford started giving orders the minute he came on board," said Greer.

"Scott was supposed to be with him," Young growled, peripherally aware of the rising volume of his voice.

"Telford was alone when he came here," TJ said apologetically, as if the whole thing was her fault.

Young lifted his radio, curtly cutting her off. "Scott, report to the infirmary immediately."

_"Is that Colonel Young?"_ was Scott's wary reply.

"Yes it is, Lieutenant," Greer confirmed via his own radio.

"Get down here, right now," Young repeated.

_"Yes, Sir."_

Greer and TJ stood quietly watching their commander pace irritably from wall to wall, like an animal gone crazy in its cage. When the Lieutenant walked in, Young crowded him until their chests were almost touching. "What happened when I switched with the stones?"

Scott, who was ill prepared for such aggressiveness, blinked rapidly as he got his brain to cooperate with the sudden pressure. "Colonel Telford came through, not Doctor Jackson," he began slowly. "He wanted to talk to Rush and TJ. Rush wouldn't answer his radio so he went to the infirmary and…ordered me to stay behind."

Young looked questioningly at his medic and she said, "Telford showed up without warning, told me he wanted to see Rush's medical file. I knew this had everything to do with what happened on that planet –" Greer and Scott shared a meaningful glance "– so I refused, told him the information was confidential, that he needed clearance from the SGC first. Then he told me the IOA authorized it and ordered me to get the file…"

Young's face grew skeptical. "Is that all he did? He just ordered you to give him Rush's papers?"

TJ darted her eyes to her colleagues and their understanding expressions comforted her. "He…threatened that if I didn't do what he said…that I'd never see my family back on Earth again." The rims of her eyes were red, a stark contrast to her fair complexion. Young knew that look so well, the one right before she cried. It tore him to have to ask, but he needed to know…

"Did you give it to him?"

She shook her head, swallowing her tears. "No, Sir." Young's relief was palpable. A large portion of his anxiety melted away with her words and left him feeling tired and much less menacing. "He doesn't know anything about what happened," TJ confirmed.

"How did Rush get involved?"

Young caught the almost imperceptible flick of her eyes to the Sergeant.

Greer stood tall, hands clasped behind his back, shouldering all responsibility. "He ordered me to find Rush and bring him here."

"And Rush just, what…came without a fight?"

"Not exactly."

* * *

><p><em> "Rush won't come quietly, Sir," Greer said through the radio.<em>

_"That's why you're not going to tell him I'm here," Telford patronized. "You're going to say Lieutenant Johansen needs to see him in the infirmary right away." He ignored the protest on TJ's face._

_Greer's voice trembled subtly, hardly above a whisper. "I don't have a problem following your orders, Sir, but I will not lie for you." _

_"You'll have an even bigger problem when all military personnel are restricted use of the stones except in emergencies if you don't do what I tell you to do," Telford hissed back. Greer remained silent on the other end. "And Sergeant…not a word to Rush."_

* * *

><p>"I hoped that Rush had heard the Colonel try to contact him over the radio and had figured it was better if he didn't answer; he's smart like that. But his radio was turned off when I found him…For once I wished his stubborn ass would put up a fight. The one time where acting insubordinate was exactly what he needed to do and instead he just followed me here."<p>

Young rubbed the bridge of his nose. That was consistent with Rush's new behavior patterns. TJ had become a reliable person for Rush since the incident, he'd even go so far as to say she was a sort of comfort. That trust had probably dulled Rush's natural suspicion and he hadn't questioned the issue like he normally would have. It would be a miracle if Rush still had it in him to trust anyone after this. What a disastrous step in the wrong direction. It pained Young to imagine how the man must have felt when he walked into the infirmary and straight into Telford's trap.

"Then what happened?"

"Following his order was a mistake..."

* * *

><p><em>Rush's gait slowed as he entered the infirmary and saw Colonel Young hissing like a viper in TJ's face. She stood her ground and shook her head in refusal at whatever he was telling her. <em>

_"What's all this?"_

_Telford switched his menacing eyes to Rush and keened in on the way he favored his left side. He met Rush halfway and circled around him, blocking the exit. "Doctor Rush, it's good to see you. We were beginning to think something unfortunate had happened to you."_

_Those eyes, thought Rush, didn't belong to Colonel Young. Even when the man was angry he never looked so wicked. "Who are you?"_

_Telford smirked. Rush was certainly quick. "I'm Colonel Telford." The instant display of fear and loathing in the Scott's body language filled him with a sick sense of giddy power. As he expected, Rush tried to walk away, but he grabbed him by the arm and spun him around, their chests meeting in a clash of tense muscle and breath. "You don't have permission to leave."_

_Rush fruitlessly tugged his arm back. "I don't need your permission," he seethed._

_Greer approached them with the caution one would have in approaching an armed nuclear warhead. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what is the problem here?"_

_"Mind your own business, Sergeant. This is between Rush and I…unfinished business, you could say."_

_Rush grabbed Telford's sleeve with both hands, trying to gain some distance between them and feeling so weak in his inability to fight back. "If you expect cooperation from me, after your little deception –" He nodded towards TJ and Greer to show his awareness of their innocence in this matter "– and all your previous schemes, well…you won't get it from me."_

_"You're one to talk about deceptions, Rush." Rush couldn't hold back a wince as Telford's grip hardened painfully. "You have no room to talk about morals and what's right and what's wrong, not after your long history of backstabbing. You use the greater good as a scapegoat for your sins, well that's just fine; Colonel Young may have bought into your lies but I never will. I'm the one who truly has the greater good's best interests in mind, which is why you're going to tell me what really happened on that planet."_

_"If you're looking for a reason to undermine Colonel Young, you're wasting your time."_

_Telford's eyes bulged with rage, quickly replaced by a fake chuckle. "You surprise me, Rush. I thought you'd jump at this opportunity."_

_"There is none to be had."_

_"That never stopped you before. I know something happened between the two of you while you were separated from the rest of your team," Telford whispered ominously. "Something Colonel Young doesn't want Homeworld to know about."_

_"If there was I certainly wouldn't entertain sharing it with you!"_

_"I don't want to have to ask again…"_

_"We told Camille what happened and she reported all the details to the IOA."_

_For a split second Telford lost his composure and grabbed Rush by the shoulders and shook him. Rush was enveloped by his dominating shadow and his stale breath wafted across his face. TJ and Greer were now on either side of them, demanding Telford to stop. Greer knew he didn't have an excusable reason to use force against a superior officer, as much as he absolutely wanted to._

_"Lie to me again, and I swear I will make your lives a living hell. I have the connections and resources to make sure it happens and General O'Neill won't be able to do a damn thing about it. So talk, unless you don't give a damn about the people on this ship, which wouldn't surprise me either."_

_Rush had trouble thinking. His mind was instantly a slur of viscous thought and he was unable to string two words together. He couldn't breathe and Telford's hands were like acid against his skin. As a consequence to his silence, the Colonel fisted the front of Rush's shirt and pulled him forward, triggering blaring sirens of panic."_

_"You'll induce an anxiety attack!" TJ pleaded._

_"From what…"_

_"He has PTSD."_

_"I don't' care if he goes into cardiac arrest, as long as he tells me what I want to know."_

_That was reason enough for Greer as he wedged his arm between them._

_"Stand down, Sergeant! I have the highest authority to be here!"_

_"You can go back to Stargate Command and tell them that we could not accommodate you, Colonel," Greer shot back smoothly._

_"I outrank you, now stand down!"_

_"I don't care if you're Jesus himself…get your hands off him."_

* * *

><p>So Telford knew that Rush was now suffering from Post Traumatic Stress, but that was all. Regardless, he was smart, he'd probably come to a conclusion not too far from the truth. And without evidence he'd come back to find it, this time with appropriate weapons to win the battle. Telford had access to any number of supports on Earth and the only thing keeping him at bay was General O'Neill. Young had no one to back him here; as a commander he was utterly and truly alone and isolated. If they were to be ready for the next attack, he would need to bend a few rules and tell some lies.<p>

"This can never happen again," Young told his three most trusted officers. "If Telford is able to circumvent General O'Neill and replace himself with whomever's due to switch with the stones then he'll definitely try it again."

"Won't General O'neill make sure that doesn't happen?" TJ asked naively.

"He was forced to authorize it, presumably by the same people who back Telford, and he had no way of warning us. It's possible that after this Telford will have lost some credibility and the General will be able to pin him. But I'm betting Telford won't tell them how he threatened you and assaulted Rush, so we can't rule out the possibility of a repetition of today. We need to be ready for whatever happens. "

"Sir…I know it's none of my business," Scott started hesitantly. "…but Telford's motives for doing this are unclear. Why is Rush suddenly so interesting to him?" The Lieutenant sensed his CO's unease and jumped to quickly correct it. "It's just…I know something happened between you and Rush on that planet, I know you don't want to talk about it…"

Scott stopped himself there but Young was sure that he would have finished his sentence with, _but if we're going to help you we need the truth_.

Soldiers were given nonsensical orders all the time. The entire military was based on the motto, _don't ask just do_. Under threat of death there was no room to debate any decision. Young could close the matter right now without any further explanation, but then all he'd have would be mindless automatons with no idea what they were fighting for. He owed them the truth, and in turn he would earn their unconditional support when the time came.

Young took a deep, calming breath. "I was forced…to take action against Rush as part of the Alteran's cultural demands. I hurt him. But If I didn't do what they said they were going to kill us all. Telford picked up the scent of blood when Camille's report left a huge hole in the story. He knows Rush got hurt and he knows I did it. Given our history he could claim that I did it on purpose."

"Why does it matter to him what happens to Rush," Scott asked.

"He wants me to step down, Mathew."

"But there's no one to replace you, why would he want –"

"He's still licking his wounds…he can't let go of the fact that I'm here and he's not. Besides, he always did concern himself too much in our affairs. He might actually think he's doing the right thing."

"Is he, Sir?"

Everett nodded, accepting his Lieutenant's suspicions. After his track record with Rush his concern was perfectly natural. And Scott wasn't only doing it for Rush's benefit, he was making sure that his CO was on the right track, that he hadn't strayed off the path again.

"I took no pleasure in what I had to do, and I agreed with Rush not to tell a soul about what happened. When we returned to the planet and I went off on my own…they paid for their mistake."

Scott nodded with conviction. Greer also visibly relaxed and TJ seemed less overwhelmed by the burden of being the only other person to know what happened. They were now all on the same page.

"I want an armed security guard to accompany everyone who switches with the stones," Young ordered. "No one from Earth is to have any contact with Doctor Rush unless I authorize it, is that understood?"

"Yes, Sir," the three agreed in unison.

"Alright. Dismissed."

TJ returned to her paperwork, even though she knew she wouldn't be able to concentrate. Greer turned off from the main corridor as Young continued on. That's when Scott caught up with him.

"Sir, there's one more thing I think you need to know." He looked around to make sure they were alone. "When Telford first came on board and he tried to leave the communications room, the door wouldn't open."

"What you mean, like it malfunctioned?"

"No, Sir. The power to the door was completely cut off. Brody fixed it eventually but he has no idea what happened. The rest of that section was still online."

TBC

* * *

><p>I know some of you are still reading; some reviews would be great, if only to keep me motivated. I'll keep my promise to finish the story but I need your support :)<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Thank you those who reviewed. I've spent hours on this chapter, because of how important the content is, but also because I'm planning the rest of the story. A couple of your comments actually got me really thinking and a couple of amazing possibilities popped into my head. As always I'm concerned with the pace of the Rush/Young relationship. I'm resigned that there's only so much Rush can resist and only so much angst I can write before one of us gives a little :P If you find Rush too 'easy' in this chapter...don't worry he'll be a cranky bastard to the end and there will be no fluff...ever. The fact is, Rush and Young have both admitted, either to themselves or to each other (or both) that they have feelings for each other. Time to start moving it along.

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><p>"Rush has been acting really weird lately."<p>

The statement, which had an edge of a question at the end, pierced the working silence on the Bridge.

Brody raised his eyebrows at Eli. "Really…he seems just as bad tempered as always."

"He's maybe a little less mouthy recently," Volker provided.

"Really?"

"Really. He yells at us less."

"Since when?" Brody questioned.

"Three weeks ago," Eli answered deliberately. He left the words hanging in the hope that Brody would put the pieces together without the need for him to say it directly, but the man just continued to look vexed. Rolling his eyes and sighing he said, "Ever since _that_ mission?"

"You think something happened between him and Young?" Volker asked.

"No…I'm saying something definitely happened between him and Young."

"Okay, so…so what do you think –"

"I don't know," Eli huffed, growing irritable. "Don't you find it just a little strange that we've heard almost nothing about one of the most important missions in human-Stargate history? Then Rush returns injured and Colonel Young takes a team back without telling anyone why? And no one has said anything about what they saw…"

Brody shrugged indecisively. "Maybe Young ordered them not to."

"That would imply that he has something to hide," Volker reasoned.

Brody swiveled in his seat to fully face his colleagues and crossed his arms. "I heard that Young went back to the planet alone, that Scott had to pick him up later with the shuttle."

"Rush was isolated in the infirmary for days afterwards," said Volker. "Lisa tried to visit him but TJ wouldn't let her…"

Eli leaned casually against his work station. "You haven't noticed them acting differently towards each other?"

"I can't say I've seen them interact at all lately," said Brody.

"That's exactly my point. Young is usually breathing down Rush's neck and Rush is usually giving Young a hard time every chance he gets. And now suddenly they're giving each other space?"

The men's creased brows and tight lips demonstrated their sincere consideration for what Eli was suggesting. Now that he had mentioned it, Rush and Young were behaving very uncharacteristically towards each other. The appropriate word was awkward, like they were trying too hard.

"What about that incident a couple weeks ago when Rush saved Young from smoke inhalation," said Volker. "Rush wouldn't have risked his life like that if Young had done something bad to him."

Eli pressed his lips together and nodded, encouraging him to continue on that line of thought.

Sudden recognition dawned on Volker's face. "You don't think they're…"

Eli lifted a non-committal shoulder.

"What…what did I miss," Brody asked urgently and leaned forward.

The door swished open, admitting Colonel Young to the Bridge. The three men jumped and scurried back to their respective consoles. That didn't look suspicious at all…

Of course it was obvious to Young that they had been discussing something that was none of their business, about him judging by their furtive glances. He drilled his eyes into each of them for longer than necessary to make them sweat.

"Eli, if you're not too busy I need to have a word."

"Actually I'm in the middle of a –"

"Good, we'll do it here. Everybody else, out."

Young would have found Volker's baffled expression amusing if he wasn't in such a foul mood. "But we're not finished running the diagnostics on Destiny's main systems," Volker protested.

"You can finish up later."

"But Rush will throw a fit if he shows up and we're not here."

"I'll deal with him," Young assured.

Even after they vacated the Bridge, he didn't speak and it made Eli squirm uncomfortably. He knew that the Colonel knew that he knew that...never mind. Eli had the sense thatYoung was about to reproach him for whatever bad thing he'd done and didn't remember doing.

"Sooo…how've ya been? Haven't seen you around much lately…"

"This discussion does not leave this room, am I perfectly clear?"

Eli's top secret senses tingled and he skillfully switched from defensive to interested in a flash. "Crystal."

"What do you know about Destiny's AI system?"

The instant sobering of Eli's face was proof that he'd already had this discussion with someone else. "It's the automated system that maintains and controls Destiny," he replied dryly. When Young didn't say anything, Eli figured that wasn't the answer he was looking for and continued cautiously. "It allows the ship to adapt to any unforeseen circumstances it encounters."

"Such as?"

"Navigational tasks, refueling, maintenance…all the things you'd expect a million year old ship needs to continue functioning."

It was mutually apparent that Eli was evading the crux of the matter. Everyone on Destiny knew these basic facts and Eli's reluctance to delve into the darker corners of the subject clearly meant he didn't want to take this further. But if Young nudged enough, perhaps Eli would reveal the answers he sought on his own, without turning this into another game of monkey in the middle between himself, Rush and Eli.

"What about us? Rush once said that Destiny knows we're here."

"It does. That's how it chooses which planets to stop at if we didn't have navigational control; it knows what we need because it studies us all the time."

"What about our emotional needs?" Young suggested, and Eli definitely looked displeased by the direction of their conversation. "The battle scenario Destiny put me through, Rush's admittance to seeing Franklin and his wife…the ship has the ability to deliberately interfere with us."

"I wouldn't use that word…more like, help."

"From my understanding, The AI now has very limited control over Destiny ever since Rush broke the Master Code, right?"

"Right."

"Could that change if it perceived a threat?"

"Possibly? But…we've been boarded by aliens and Destiny's never so much as lifted a finger."

"What about a perceived threat to the mission?"

Eli looked at him hard, trying to absorb the hidden meaning behind his words. "Maybe…?"

"Would it be easier for Destiny to gain control over a non-essential system, say…the mechanical system?"

"Again, maybe? I'd have to look into it." Eli was growing impatient and agitated. His cheeks were flushed and he avoided all eye contact. Just a little more push and Young would have him.

"You haven't noticed the ship acting up? No glitches in its power flow?"

"I can't say that I have." Eli's attempt at ignorance was unconvincing against his towering intellect. And he was a poor liar to begin with.

Young lifted his chin. "Just so we're clear, I know you're lying."

Eli stuffed his hands into his pockets, resigned to being exposed. "That obvious?"

"Yup…"

"Okay…start over?"

"Why don't you tell me what you've found, and we'll go from there."

"How do you –"

"I overheard you and Rush talking about it."

"Oh…this is awkward?" Eli looked up, but instead of finding the expected anger and disappointment, there was only exhaustion on Young's face and a desire to answer some very pressing questions. "He's going to kill me if he finds out I told you, which he will because there's no other possible way you could know what I'm about to say."

"You let me worry about that."

"Easy for you to say, you're not the one facing verbal decapitation from a cranky Rumplestiltskin," Eli griped as he accessed saved data charts. "After your accident, Rush asked me to check for anomalies in Destiny's power distribution system. He didn't give me much to go on, but he was concerned that the AI was somehow overriding the blocking commands he implemented not long after your battle scenario. At first, nothing…but then I noticed a gap in the power flow of the backup systems."

"It created a work-around."

Eli nodded and pointed to a spike on a time index. "This is the first time it happened, sixteen days ago."

"Can you tell where it came from?"

Eli pressed a few buttons. "From a console in the Chair Room."

Young's heart skipped a beat. So, it was Destiny that had indicated where to find Rush when he had disappeared. He instantly felt guilty for accusing Rush so harshly.

"Next time was when Rush saved you; he said certain doors denied him access when he was looking for you, like Destiny was showing him the way." Eli's brow knitted and his finger slid further down the chart. "There was a blip this morning between 8:07 and 8:15."

"That would be when Telford came aboard. The door to the stone room refused to let him out. It trapped him there until Brody overrode its command."

"Damn, that means it didn't work," Eli whispered to himself and, seeing the big question mark above Young's head, hurried to fill him in. "I created a program to buffer the AI's energy distribution, making it impossible for it to build up enough energy to control anything. Obviously that didn't work…"

"I'm grateful it didn't." Young didn't want to think of what might have happened if Telford hadn't lost that time.

Eli cocked his head to one side. "I wouldn't be that relaxed about it if I were you."

Here we go, thought Young. Couldn't they have one bit of positive news without having a 'yeah but' bomb dropped squarely on their heads?

"The fact that it found a way around Rush's commands and my program means it's adaptable. What's really interesting…or frightening –depending on your preference– is that the duration and intensity of the interferences increase each time. It's learning…fast." Young remained unimpressed; he still didn't grasp what Eli was so worked up about. "Okay, the conduits are basically big circuits. Generally, if you want to cut power to a particular door you have to shut down the entire section. Destiny's new ability is more like neurotransmitters in a brain, accessing only what it needs without affecting the rest of the circuit. It's displaying _will_ that is only available to sentient intelligence."

Eli did a victorious little jump when he saw the alarms go off in the Colonel's head. Now he understood, now he empathized with Eli's concern. This was big…huge…possibly disastrous, and a bunch of other words he couldn't pronounce but which meant they could be very screwed. Destiny might be developing consciousness – one they had little hope of controlling. It was an incredible thing to fathom and he was swept by the euphoria of being at the mercy of a giant mechanical brain.

The next emotion that assaulted Young was anger. Rush had hoarded essential information from him…again!

"When exactly did you two plan to let me in on your little secret?" His voice was hoarse, like he had just walked out of a mosh pit at a death metal concert.

"Actually…Rush was planning to tell you himself. That's the only reason I haven't done it yet. And so far the AI hasn't shown itself to be a threat."

"So far. What if we lose control of main systems completely? Better yet, what happens if it decides it doesn't like what we're doing and turns off life support?"

"I don't think that's what it wants to do." Eli became suddenly awkward to continue his thought. "The…intent behind its actions is centered exclusively on you and Rush. It hasn't shown a desire to interfere with us on any other level."

"But that could change. Just humor me…"

"Yeah, it's possible," Eli conceded.

Everett tried to wrap his mind around their new situation but it was like trying to fit into a jacket two sizes too small. His mind was literal chaos right now; he needed to retreat, regroup and come back with a plan. And the last thing he wanted was for this to reach Rush's ears before he had a chance to talk with him personally. He was certain that if he stood still long enough, Rush would come to him.

"Right…okay, keep monitoring for glitches. I want to know the moment they happen. In the meantime, I need you to come up with a way to prevent certain people from using the stones. Get Brody and Volker working on it too." The command in Young's voice left no room for debate. Nevertheless, Eli opened his mouth in protest but Young quelled him right away. "I don't want to hear that it might not be possible. Make it happen."

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><p>Everett had to wait three days. The knock on his door finally came in the evening while he sipped a mild cup of tea, reading reports on his couch. His anticipation swarmed his senses and he could barely swallow the lump in his throat. He hurried to put some order in the pile of papers strewn across the coffee table, then tried to look casual as he leaned against the doorjamb and pressed his hand against the sensor. The mechanical lock whined and clicked as the gears turned and pulled the door apart. A blast of colder air gusted from outside.<p>

For days Rush had been like a mythical beast, steadily avoiding being sighted. And now he stood unabridged in front of Young, willingly at his doorstep. He too was making an effort to look like this was no big deal and failing miserably.

Rush wore the shirt Young had given him, which was entirely too large for his frame. His clavicle peeked from under the collar and the sleeves almost touched his elbows. What caught Young's eye the most was his beard, which Rush had methodically trimmed as short as possible. However, his hair was longer than ever, just tickling his shoulders. He didn't know what to do with his hands, so he held them by his side and twisted his fingers together nervously. His brow pulled up in worry and his lips were slightly parted, showing his imperfect bottom teeth. He was strikingly vulnerable

"May I come in," Rush asked in the softest tone Young had ever heard from him. He answered by stepping aside and extended his arm in welcome.

Rush surprised Young by sitting down in one of the chairs without needing persuasion. He uttered a small 'thank you' when Young pushed a fresh cup of tea into his hands and waited for him to speak. The obvious enjoyment Rush took from the hot brew was lovely to watch, but he didn't speak. Young supposed that since Rush had taken the initiative to come here, he could get the conversation going.

"I met with General O'neill a couple days ago. He sends his apologies for Telford."

Rush's eyes glassed over and he nodded absently. His shirt was falling off one shoulder and Young caught a glimpse of fading yellow bruises.

Telford…what a prick, Young thought…touching Rush so violently with_ his_ hands. As yet this drama had unforeseeable consequences; Rush would either get over it or go back to being impenetrable, and judging by his reaction Young was prepared for the latter. He could smell the fear oozing through the other man's pores.

Then, out of the blue, Rush began: "There's something…I need to tell you."

Young's stomach clenched. He had expected Rush to blame him for Telford's actions, therefore destroying whatever chance of Rush volunteering sensitive information. He had prepared himself to rip the truth out of the stubborn scientist as he always had to. Yet he could tell that what Rush wanted to say was fighting to be heard. What he had bottled up inside was about to erupt for the first time, without threat or persuasion from an outside source. Let nothing ruin it, let nothing get in his way, Everett prayed.

"The ship…" Rush grimaced, like it physically hurt him to say it. "It's displaying advanced Artificial Intelligence capabilities. Specifically, it has taken an interest in you and I."

"It's protecting you," Young added, nodding gently.

"You know…" Rush frowned and considered how that could be true, and then his face dropped in realization. "That little bugger…"

"I ordered him to tell me." Rush looked a bit put off, and Young could understand why. He had psyched himself for this big reveal but it was no surprise at all. Rather anticlimactic. "Eli didn't exactly provide me with all the answers. I'm hoping you can."

"Why didn't you just ask me directly?" The stern look Young gave him forced Rush to evaluate his statement. If Young had come to him, considering what had happened recently, and asked him about Destiny's AI, would he have been forthcoming? The answer was, no. Rush might have wanted to tell him about it for long enough, but he would have likely shut down, perceiving Young's questions as an invasion.

"Well, Eli wouldn't be able to tell you why Destiny is reacting this way. In order to understand that he'd have to be privy to certain details…things only you and I know."

"You mean what happened on that planet."

"More than that." Rush placed his cup on the table and slapped his hands against his knees to try and gather his courage. A faint blush traced his cheekbones. "Destiny can respond to the emotional states of her crew –we've seen evidence of that several times. However, our survival is secondary to the mission. Unfortunately…Destiny perceives me as its best chance to complete the mission. As a result, it wants to keep me safe."

"Why all of a sudden? You've been committed to this mission since the beginning and you've been in plenty of life-threatening situations."

"Because, Colonel…" Rush clamped down on his initial impatience and made an effort to soften his voice. "Because it thinks that I'm in emotional peril, one that wasn't part of me before and one I may not recover from. I had my issues before, yes…but I was still focused on the mission." He swallowed hard and looked at Young through his curtain of hair. "Ever since you…_raped_ me…I've been resistant to admit it even to myself, but I'm no longer fit to lead the mission. I can't concentrate; I'm even making mistakes. Destiny perceives that as a threat to the mission."

"Because no one else has the same dedication as you, or the same understanding, is that it?"

"Very good, Colonel," Rush replied without much venom. "Now it's attempting to correct the problem the only way it knows how." He shot Young a significant look. "Through another person."

"okay, and why me?"

"Because, you went back to the planet. It was a selfless act." Rush's tone bore a hint of approval. "You never left me alone, you were always there making sure I stayed above water no matter how much I hated it. You forced me to analyze myself when I bloody well didn't want to. You proved to the ship that you are the only person who can ground me."

Young felt light-headed hearing the things he thought would never come out of that man's mouth. For the first time Rush had used the word _rape_, and even though it chilled him to the bone, it was a big leap forward. Rush was unnaturally calm.

"You seem okay with all of this."

Rush hunched forward and buried his face in his hands. "Believe me…I went damn near mad when Eli showed me the evidence. I still don't know what to make of it."

"You're scared because the ship, a piece of advanced Ancient technology, is telling you the truth that you've been trying to deny. That's why you didn't want to tell me until you were absolutely sure, in case you were overreacting."

Rush nodded once minutely and looked up at Young with clear, deep eyes. "Destiny may believe that you're the one who can heal me…maybe it's true. But it has no way of understanding the complexity of human relationships. For one it doesn't distinguish opposite sex from same sex partners the way we do, nor the social implications; all it knows is our anatomy, the changes in our hormones and what emotions those represent. For another it obviously hasn't taken my feelings towards you into consideration, because if it did it wouldn't have picked _you_."

Rush's voice was regaining some of its malice, for which Young was strangely grateful. He had no idea how to deal with a subdued and agreeable Rush. Angry and irritated he knew how to handle.

"Maybe you're just being stubborn and using our rough past as an excuse," Young shot back.

Rush shot to his feet and pointed to the ground emphatically. "Destiny hasn't considered if I want to be involved with you on any level!"

"You're frustrated because you can't fight the ship." Young didn't have to force himself to remain calm, he felt it naturally because he had control and he understood what was what going on. "You're trying to deny the undeniable."

"Destiny isn't a place to be romantically involved! We're on the frontier of discovery, there's no room for a relationship!"

So, out of desperation Rush was trying to argue from a different angle. Young wasn't buying it. "You don't want to lose me. I'm on the frontline and you're afraid of becoming too emotionally attached in case I ever get killed. I respect that."

"Wrong, that's exactly the sort of arrogant assumption I'd expect from you! If your mind is divided between a partner and work, then you're not one hundred percent committed to your tasks and efficiency dwindles!"

"No one is that good, not even you."

Rush flicked his hands in dismissal and paced around the room. He was disgusted by how Young sat there so calmly. He hadn't faltered and he hadn't lied. He was untouchable, immovable in his convictions and so damn _right_. Young had devotedly chipped away at Rush's barriers. All those cracks were about to tear down the wall, Rush felt it. He knew coming here that this might be it, had even hoped for it deep down.

He could continue fighting, but only if he insisted on yielding to his fears. There was something truly phobic about being dependant on another person for happiness. Like water, relationships had the tendency to slip through his fingers.

Young stood when Rush's face crumpled in agony but kept his distance. "I know you're afraid of me. That's no less than my actions against you deserve."

Big salty droplets fell from the tip of Rush's nose as he shook his head. "You don't frighten me…it's what you're capable of." His chest heaved with the effort to continue in a comprehensible manner. "You were on top of me, holding me down, and I had no choice. But knowing that, even if I could fight back, there's no way I'd have the strength to win against you…that scares me."

"You think I might try to hurt you again."

Rush's chuckle sounded more like a sob. "I don't know."

Young gambled a step forward, but Rush raised a shaky hand just above his hip, ready to fend him off if he came any closer.

Everett had never seen someone so scared, and he sighed with a bit of pity. "I know it'll take a lot more than me willing it to be true for you to get over what I did to you. It's normal to feel the way you do and I accept that you don't trust me. But I want that to change. I am the only….person here…"

_The only person who is willing to take your crap and still forgive you._ Young didn't have to finish the thought, Rush already knew it. Even in the most tumultuous episodes of their relationship, when Rush was lying left right and center, Young had shown incredible restraint and willingness to let things slide. He always suspected Rush of lying, because that was the man's nature, but he always gave Rush the opportunity to argue his side of the story. If Rush asked the Colonel for something, his efforts at providing it were sincere; he really had tried to make things work between them.

Rush was almost out of fuel. For too long he had been an island. Young had ironically seen him at his most vulnerable and had never capitalized on that to hurt him. The incidents that Young had harmed Rush were limited to the physical, brought on by Rush's undue provocations. There was no evidence that Young was the type of person to purposefully inflict emotional damage. Was it really so impossible to allow a friendship to develop?

With clinical humor Rush said, "I'm quite messed up."

For a moment the statement hung in the air. Then Young's face brightened with a smile and they both failed to contain a laugh. "You're telling me."

Rush just shrugged innocently and Young was happy to see a trace of a smile still on his lips.

Everett's mum had always insisted that it was never too late to make a change, a personal change. _You can't change other people_, she had said, _only you_. _The only thing in the world you have control over is how you react, how you allow yourself to feel_. Looking at Rush now he knew it was true.

This time, Rush let him come in close. He even leaned forward as Young wrapped his fingers softly around his shoulders as if to cleanse the damage his he had done under Telford's control. Then he pulled Rush against his chest and, like that night on the infirmary floor, he felt safe.

Rush exhaled shakily into Everett's shoulder. "The crew won't take well to this…"

"I agree, we'll need to keep a low profile. But some people are going to find out, it's unavoidable."

"Does Teflord…"

"No one back home knows a thing."

Rush had a sudden pang of doubt. "What if I'm more than you can handle?"

"You've already proven you're more than I can handle, but that hasn't stopped me. Whatever it takes…"

When they eventually separated, Young poured them each a fresh cup of tea and they sat for hours on the same couch talking. Rush shared stories of his childhood in the strict Catholic poverty of Glasgow and Young reminisced his awkward high school days. They had been very different people, back then, simpler and less encumbered by bad experience and failed love. The years had truly been unkind.

They swapped favorite movie scenes and bashed on each other's choice of best actor. Young had never seen Rush smile so much and wondered in good humor if his facial muscles hurt from lack of use. Had Gloria had felt the same delight at unraveling what she thought was a mean and nasty man, he wondered. Then Rush went into detail about his various mathematical endeavors and Young tried his best to keep up, pleased by simply hearing him speak about anything personal.

In the wee hours of the morning, they bid each other goodnight. Rush allowed Young a chaste kiss on the cheek. His bristles were rough under his lips, and a sharp reminder of his choice, but it didn't put a dent in his good spirits.

Everett collapsed into bed entirely exhausted. Trying to follow Rush's colorful mind was like butting heads with a bull; a guaranteed headache every time. Yet he felt unusually satisfied and filled with new and secretive information ready to be processed in sleep.

He didn't sugar-coat it for himself, though; there were major struggles ahead. Tonight's glory was an exception, not the new rule.

Whatever it takes…

TBC

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><p>The concept of Destiny as a character in Stargate Universe is delicious, so naturally I had to create my own spin on it. I'm sure that had the show not been cancelled, Destiny would have become a major player and the AI would have developed further. So, Destiny is helping Young help Rush. It's a good love triangle...lol R&amp;R kids ;)<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** I know what you're thinking: finally! Some of the reviews showed concern for the future of this story so i'll keep saying it to remind old and new readers alike: it will get finished. Even if there's a large gap between updates, I'm working on it. On top of other commitments (yadda yadda), I'm suffering some major writer's block. I know where I want the story to end up and I have future chapters planned, but I have to get there and that's the challenge right now. I tried forcing the chapter out, and then I let it sit for a few days and came back to it with more success. Still, I'm not in "the zone," so I expect the next updates to be difficult as well. Happy reading.

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><p>"<em>Colonel Young, this is Rush."<em>

…

"_This is Rush, come in."_ His voice was positively impatient. Everett rolled slothfully under his covers and fixed bleary eyes on his radio, as if it had done him a great misdeed. They may not have daylight to tell the time, but Everett just knew just in the way his body was slow to respond that it was some ungodly hour, relative to the crew of course.

Rush's latest vogue was to keep the Colonel informed of all his latest findings. Young thought that Rush may be doing it to prove a point, or to make himself less tempting a target for blame. Regardless, it was some sort of effort and a show of trust; he had to treat his willingness delicately. However, he couldn't afford to become complacent and risk Rush pulling one of his old tricks right under his nose. He wanted to believe that Rush deserved more room, but history argued that when it came to Rush, nothing was as it seemed.

Apart from that, Rush retained his insufferable attitude, despite their heart-to-heart a week ago. While working and in front of others, he was unwaveringly professional and cranky. He spared no opportunity to bust Young's balls. He maintained a cold shoulder at all times, fearing that their developing relationship would spill from him if anyone should catch him giving the Colonel a friendly eye. It was only in very private that Rush let tiny mannerisms slip; a gentle brush here, a subtle approval there. It wasn't much, but Everett accepted them with grace, comforted by the knowledge that each one was a significant milestone in their journey together.

"_Colonel,_ please_ respond; you'll want to have a look at this."_

He appreciated this 'new leaf' routine, he really did. Unfortunately, the Scott never looked at the clock before he called…

Everett fumbled with his radio, his arm still weak with sleep, and fell back against his pillow in an irritated huff. "Do you have any idea what time it is?" Young had no idea himself, and hoped that he hadn't just made himself the fool.

"_3:45 in the morning,"_ Rush replied, like it was the most natural thing in the Universe.

Everett sighed in complete submission and rolled his eyes. In trying to force too much of a good thing, Rush had become a menace to his sleeping patterns. Young obliged him because he wanted to reinforce Rush's good behavior, not give him a reason to retract it, especially at the beginning when he was most sensitive. He was liable to view any small reprimand as being shot down. So, Young dragged his tired body out of his warm bed and into his uniform.

When he arrived on the bridge he saw Rush playing with a small handheld device, the same one he'd given him a while back. He made his presence known with intentionally loud footsteps as he walked over to where the scientist sat in the chair.

"It's a life-signs detector," Rush said, and handed it to Young. "It technologically predates the ones from Atlantis, but it's more user-friendly than the Kino."

Two dots, one green and one blue, flashed on the grid of the little screen. Rush reached over and demonstrated how to zoom in and out, which also determined the units of measurement that each square of the grid represented. Young scrolled out far enough to see other dots, mostly stationary, representing other members of the crew who were probably all sound asleep in their beds…

"You woke me in the middle of the night for this?"

Rush looked at him, really looked at him, for the first time since he'd walked in and his face softened. "Did I wake you?"

Everett wasn't sure how to respond; anyone with half a brain could check the time, yet the resident genius hadn't bothered. He supposed in Rush's excitement the thought never crossed his mind, and he supposed he should feel grateful that Rush was so eager to share. Not to mention that bit of innocence he had about unintentionally disrupting someone's sleep was a bit cute.

He looked up at Young apologetically and a bit embarrassed. "I didn't realize…this can wait, I shouldn't have bothered you."

"Why wait, I'm here now."

For Rush's part, he was grateful that Young wasn't the type to whine and complain over minor details. In fact he was very pragmatic in his own right without taking himself too seriously, a talent Rush needed help understanding. He motioned Young to join him by the main screen and pulled up a schematic of what looked like a small ship. Its three-dimensional depiction rotated on several angles. Rush scrolled slowly through the next few pages of ancient text and diagrams and watched with intrigue as Young made the proper deduction.

"They're blueprints…space fairing?"

"That it is."

"I thought the Alterans abolished space travel."

"They did. This file was one of the last that Eli and I uncovered, heavily protected by Ancient algorithms. Obviously this information is highly classified and illegal."

"You think this is the work of a rogue government organization?"

"Possibly, but that's mere speculation at this point. What you should be asking, Colonel, is of what value this is to us." He read the excitement in the Colonel's demeanor very well, as it was the same intrepid tingle he'd gotten when he first looked at the data. "I make no promises, but we may have the material and resources to build this thing."

* * *

><p>"The Alterans classified the ship as a small assault-type vessel." Rush's voice carried over the excited and dubious murmurs of all the scientists, along with Scott, Eli and Camille. "However, it has a secondary use as an unmanned warhead…we would use its automated abilities for probing purposes."<p>

Rush was cranky about having such a crowd in his engineering room, but he certainly didn't want to waste more time than necessary to bring the required personnel up-to-date. A handful of people crowded each of the four consoles around the apple-core, pointing and gesturing as the ship's blueprints scrolled across the screen.

"And you want to build it?" came Eli's excited voice.

Brody barked a laugh to turn any believer into a skeptic. "This isn't Toy Land, it's not a model you put together from plastic parts, this is a real spaceship."

"Very perceptive," Rush bit back, fixing Brody with the full weight of his very short fuse. "I'll know who to go to from now on if I ever want to rid myself of a few brain cells."

"If you want to waste your time on this fantasy that's your problem. Some of us actually have _work_ to do!" All eyes followed Brody as he exited the room, then swerved to Rush, expecting some sort of reaction. Undaunted by his colleague's skepticism, Rush remained comfortable in his position, which Young concluded was because he still had a wild card hidden in his pocket. He felt a sickening plunge in his gut at the thought that Rush was still keeping secrets after all.

"He does have a point, though," said Eli nervously. "It's actually a very _relevant _point because to build anything you need tools and material and…and…tools. I haven't discovered a secret lab with the technology to pull this off, have you?"

Eli realized his mistake too late and folded his lips behind his teeth and hoped Rush had interpreted his question as rhetorical and wouldn't answer. They certainly didn't need another meltdown like the one about the Bridge. Park wrung her hands and darted her eyes between the Colonel and her boss. Scott shifted uneasily on his feet, trying not to look too ready to break up a confrontation. Out of the corner of his eye Rush saw the Colonel tense, like he was afraid of his answer. It gave him odd pleasure to know he had the man so neatly wrapped around his finger. He had begun to feel too submissive over the last few days and relished that he still had the ability to keep Young guessing, to control the situation. He wanted to keep him on the edge for as long as possible, but the crowd threatened to become mutinous, so…

"No," Rush answered simply, looking Young directly in the eye as he said it. "But do you really think the Ancients would build a ship like this and not provide the crew with a means to repair damaged areas of the ship, possibly build newer, better technology once they got here? No, somewhere on Destiny there's a room for exactly this purpose. We just need to find it."

Volker scratched his head and folded his arms across his chest dubiously. "And if we do find it, you want us to build a small spaceship from scratch?"

Rush's brow rose as he uttered a quiet _yup_, bored by their persistent need to find an excuse not to accept the challenge.

"The blueprints are in Ancient, we can't build anything if we can't read the directions," one of the scientists said.

"That's why I'll be translating them as we go, one section at a time." No one seemed to change their attitude and Rush's patience decided to take a hike. "Look, this isn't supposed to be easy. Nothing worthwhile ever came from laziness. You can either stand there complaining about how impossible this is going to be, or you can step up and do your PhD's some justice, otherwise question how you ever earned them in the first place!"

Young wished that Rush wasn't so quick to walk away as he did now. It was his assurance of always getting in the final word, and it reinforced his behavior of not facing his problems. He watched the scientist disappear into the ship and turned back to the disgruntled group of scientists with a sigh. He let them stew in Rush's words with a new glean of understanding for his constant frustration towards these people; they didn't share his sense of adventure, his willingness to devote one hundred percent to a task. Rush was extremely willing to get his hands dirty, a trait shared by very few scientists. Those like Samantha Carter, Daniel Jackson, and Rodney McKay were pioneers for exactly that reason. If it wasn't for his insubordinate nature Rush might have made an excellent officer. People like him were rare.

Finally Eli spoke up. "I'm all for building this thing, but finding a lab with everything we need…if it even exists…is pretty impossible right now. It takes us days just to seal off one damaged section of the ship from space, where do we even start?"

"We won't be physically searching," Young clarified. "Destiny's own blueprints are somewhere in the database…"

Eli's eyes bulged. "The database is huge, and we've already tried every keyword we can think of that has an Ancient translation to find a map of the ship."

"Rush knows that. He's written a program to help _all of you_ search Destiny's database for what we're looking for a lot more efficiently."

"How confident is he that it will work," Camille asked. "How do we know we're not wasting time and human resources chasing a theory?"

"Rush assures me that his program will turn up something. At the very least we'll have a better way of searching the database for what we need."

"And you believe him?" Volker asked suspiciously. "No offense, Colonel, but this is Rush we're talking about. He probably has some other hidden agenda he hasn't told you about."

Young nodded. "I've considered that myself. Regardless, having an extra ship is an advantage we could really use. Look, I know you're tired, hungry and low on energy –we all are–but I don't need to remind you that if we plan to be here for a while we have to start coming up with new ways to defend ourselves."

"Does that mean we've given up on finding a way home?"

Young honed in on Morrison's naysayer voice. There was always one…one bloody pessimist in the group who had to derail the rest with their dramatic comments. Young felt like swearing him down as he would a smartass cadet; sometimes he thought that was the only way to get these people into shape. He squared up and clasped his hands together, letting his body language dictate the stupidity of the man's question.

"With that attitude we may as well give up. Rush may be a pain in the ass, but he certainly has a better attitude about our situation than the rest of you." Young didn't mean to include everyone into that category, specifically Eli, Wray and Scott, who were some of his best people. However, his point needed to get across. "I suggest you stop looking for reasons not to do this and just do it. And to answer your question, I've never given up on getting home. But if we're going to do that we need to focus our energies on moving forward."

Young left them looking a little more agreeable, and a lot more wary of Mr. Morrison.

He sought Rush out on the Bridge, sure that he'd be there, so felt very perplexed when he found the place empty. He pulled out his radio. "Rush, where are you?" The silence was long and Young thought he wasn't going to answer.

But then Rush's heavy voice fizzled through the static. _"What is it, Colonel…"_ He heard the ruffle of sheets being pushed away.

Much of Young's annoyance towards the Scott faded instantly. "Were you sleeping?"

There was another long pause and Young could feel Rush weighing the pros and cons of either answer, complicating the simplest words into variables and outcomes. Finally, with what seemed like great mental effort on Rush's part, he breathed out an exhausted _"yeah."_

It only occurred to Young now that the scientist had been awake all night, juicing his brain over the crew's infinite problems while the rest of them had lain clueless in bed, temporarily cut off from the cold harsh world of their lonely reality in sleep. Rush's insomnia no doubt surpassed even Young's. The thought that someone else was spending so much time awake and aware of the darkness was…comforting.

"_Did you want something, Colonel?"_ Rush's irritated voice pulled Young back to present where he was still feeling guilty for interrupting what might have been Rush's only decent sleep in days.

"It can wait." Young had déjà vu from this morning, only he was on the other side of the fence this time.

"_Don't bother with pleasantries,"_ Rush snapped. _"You've done far worse to me than interrupt my REM cycle. Just get whatever it is you were going to say off your chest so I can get on with my day."_

"I think it would be better if we…spoke in person."

"_Yeah, yeah, whatever."_

Young hung onto the static for a while before he realized the hidden invitation. Lacking confidence in his interpretation, Young took his time getting to Rush's quarters. He had never actually been _in_ his room before. He had banged on the door angrily here and there, and had glimpsed the interior, but had never actually stepped through. He was sort of making the place out to be scarier than it really was, like the belly of a monster or the location of human sacrifices. Ridiculous, but his sweaty palms and racing pulse insisted otherwise.

His hand felt heavy as he lifted it towards the door, like an invisible force was pulling it down. The impact of his knuckles echoed through the corridor…one…two. His relief when Rush didn't look surprised to see him must have been present on his face. Rush brow twisted with something akin to amusement and annoyance. It occurred to Young that the Scott only felt so bold because he was still in control, just like he had been in control of the meeting; he still felt safe, above him, arrogant. It caused Young's anger to surge back through him and reestablished his courage as he stepped through the threshold without a prompt.

Rush calmly followed him in, the silence of his bare feet instilling a primal unease in the Colonel. He had his back to Rush and couldn't hear or see him. It made the hairs on the back of his neck bristle, but he refused to indulge his fear by looking. He was the prey at this point, the submissive, the weaker of the two. As commander he couldn't have that, and with Rush it was never an option.

It didn't help that Rush's room was void of almost all personal effects, just like everyone else's. There was no humanity for Young to cling to. There was a book and his glasses on a table, and on a chair were the torn remains of Rush's original shirts, plus the vest which was still whole. Young made out the blood stain on the white top and he suddenly felt very vulnerable to his own guilt. He was definitely standing on the lower end of a very steep slope. He had turn this around immediately; allowing Rush to be on top for too long well…that was dangerous.

However he didn't sense Rush's intention was hostile, it was purely pragmatic, a system that Young had only recently begun to understand. For instance, in a herd of horses, the lead mare is constantly tested by the others, not out of spite, but to make sure the right horse is in charge. And if she fails to prove she's capable, another mare steps up. Rush was attempting exactly the same. This was a test…if Young passed, then Rush would fall back in line, just long enough to make Young comfortable. Then he'd test him again, and again and he would never stop. This was the natural law, this is how it had to be. The man wasn't fighting him…he was ensuring good leadership and had always attempted to do so.

Young had tried being nice, thinking that's what Rush needed in order to be controllable. And he had tried giving Rush no room at all, stuck in his military training. But for someone like Rush, whose power lay in his intelligence, brute force meant very little.

Was that why Rush resisted authority…because no one lived up to his standards? Because no one could outsmart him?

Beating him up hadn't gotten them very far in their relationship. That's how the military did it, not society. The people who run the world, who makes the big decisions, are not typically the ones with the top physical prowess. Instead, they pay others to fulfill the physical demands. Rush was a thinker, a pioneer, and would only respond to like-minded tactics.

Young knew he wasn't stupid, knew that Rush underestimated his intelligence. Still, standing up to Rush's towering intellect and quick tongue was absolutely terrifying. Looking back, Young realized just how many times he had lost this type of battle and allowed Rush to have control. But that was during a time when Everett hardly had control over himself. Now was different, now he knew what he wanted and he knew where Rush needed to be in order for things to run smoothly around here: he had to subordinate Rush to himself.

But damn…Why was this man such a behemoth of the unapproachable kind…and why did Young so easily succumb to him when he'd dealt with far more politically smug garbage in his day? Because he didn't give a rat's ass about any of those people, Young thought.

"I don't have all day," Rush prompted, still secure in his bubble, unaware that the Colonel was about to take a pin to it.

"You're hiding something." Young wasn't asking, he was telling.

Rush crossed his arms in his usual manner of defensiveness. "Is that right…and what do you propose I've been keeping from you this time?"

"You tell me."

"I have no reason to hide anything. I've been telling you everything that happens as it happens."

"Only to make me complacent enough so that I don't start asking questions. You tried to throw me off your scent but it didn't work." He stepped closer to Rush so that he could use his softest, most dangerous voice. "I know there's something important you haven't told me, so out with it."

Rush unfolded his arms fractionally, preemptively defending against a blow. His face creased with disgust, either because he was innocent or because he was terrified of being found out. "You're being paranoid."

"Save it," Young bit coldly. "You wouldn't have gone to all the trouble of finding this room you need if you didn't already have an idea of where it is…unless you already know its location, which wouldn't surprise me in the least." He sounded every bit as threatening as he looked and he aimed to keep it that way. He didn't like doing this, but he had to. He circled in front of the door, making Rush a prisoner in his own quarters. "We've been here for almost two years. In all that time you've never even mentioned the possibility of a workshop. But now you know something you didn't before, and you're not telling me."

"We haven't had access to blueprints until now; it wasn't a priority."

"A room with tools and materials to help fix the ship wasn't a priority?"

"It hadn't occurred to me…"

"But it occurred to you all of sudden, right when we discover instructions for how to build an advanced Ancient shuttle. How long have you known about those blueprint…"

"I told you, I found them late last night after Eli cracked the last encryption algorithms!"

Rush was genuinely confused and harassed by that last question. So that part of the story was true. But then how did he suddenly come up with a new way to search the database…this wasn't adding up. Young wanted to threaten Rush with physical harm. He wanted to threaten to lock him up in his room with no access to Destiny until he confessed. But if he did anything like that, he would lose automatically. He just had to put his foot down and not give in.

"You could have written a program to allow easier keyword searches in Destiny's database when Eli came up empty."

"Of course I could have, on top of the dozens of other things that were more pressing!"

"I can think of a dozen less urgent things you've worked on in the last month alone, so don't even try that excuse. All I want is the truth, Rush. I don't care what it is, I just want to know." Rush quietly avoided eye contact and looked in between terrified and pondering. Young couldn't give him too much time to think. "Rush!"

The scientist jumped and took a step back when Young got even closer. "Look, I don't know why you think I'm lying…"

"Oh, you're not lying," Young corrected. "I'm sure everything you've told me is true, but you're hoarding information."

"Well then, I guess there's no way out of this one." Rush's words dripped sarcasm and he threw his hands up in the air in mock-defeat. "If the great Colonel Young declares it to be true, then it must be!"

"That's right."

"So go ahead, Colonel…hit me, choke me, throw me out an airlock; whatever will satisfy your need for superiority."

Young shook his head and walked to the door. He didn't acknowledge the little flinch in Rush's face. "No, I've established that traditional discipline doesn't work with you. So here's a new idea…until you tell me what's really going on, I'm putting the shuttle project on hold." The silence between them stretched as Young reconsidered. "In fact, make that all projects unless I say otherwise. What you do with your time is your business, but from now on you will have no access to any of the crew, especially Eli and Chloe."

Young slammed his palm into the door control and suppressed a shiver as the cold air blew through his hair. Rush, looking pale as a ghost, had lost his ability to speak, and that's how Young left him.

* * *

><p>Rush walked onto the Bridge the following morning with the mindset that the Colonel's threat had been a hoax, or a dream, or a game, anything but what it really was. Nothing that absurd could be taken seriously…Young was just trying to scare him. <em>He needs me<em>, thought Rush. However, all the usuals were already hard at work at their stations. They glanced flightily in his directed, then quickly avoided eye contact.

Rush didn't give it too much thought, and brushed the annoyance off his shoulder. "What progress have you made with using my new program to search the database?" His question was open for anyone to answer.

Barely pausing from an equation he was typing, Brody responded. "We actually haven't been working on that."

Volker and Park exchanged a knowing look, keeping their heads ducked.

Rush could cut the tension in the air with a knife. His chest began to burn with dread that this was real, that he had just been isolated from his science team by Young. "I see. Then let's get started, shall we?"

This time Brody turned in his seat and looked Rush squarely in the eye. "Actually, we're working on something…for Colonel Young."

Normally, Rush would have told them off and yelled at them to get back on track with their schedule, but he was quickly losing his sense of control; otherwise he would never consider bargaining. "Well, when you're finished then."

"Actually, he…we…" Brody's cheeks flushed and he turned back to his work. No matter, Rush got the message.

He quickly accessed his work files. They were still there, all as he had left them, except he couldn't access anything on the Ancient shuttle. It was password protected and encoded with algorithms in a style he recognized instantly. He unclipped his radio from his belt and, keeping his scathing eyes fixed to the back of his colleagues heads, made the call.

"Eli, this is Rush." He failed to keep his anger out of his voice. The other three were growing increasingly nervous, and pretending to be immersed in their work as they listened to their explosive ex-boss. "If you'd rather I pay you a visit, then by all means, stay quiet."

Eli came through the other end with a drawn out sigh. _"What's up." _

"I want access to the blueprints restored."

"_Look, I'm sorry…Colonel Young ordered me…"_

"I've told you before, Eli, you are in no way obligated to Colonel Young."

"_Not to you either. If you want access to those files you'll have to talk to Young about it…sorry."_

Rush slammed his radio against a console, not caring if either broke. "What did the Colonel have to threaten you with in order to convince you to play along!" Park drew her shoulders further up her neck and Volker stopped pressing buttons, but no one spoke. "I should have known…little sheep blindly following the wolf."

Rush stormed out. He should have hidden a copy of those files in Destiny's database. Why hadn't he? It should have been the first thing to do after Young's threat. What was wrong with him! He was becoming soft, weak! He'd been blinded by _trust_ for the Colonel. Yet he knew that Young wasn't out to hurt him, knew he had every reason to do this, but it stung anyways.

He didn't keep track of the time or how many places he checked before he found Chloe on the observation deck.

She heard him coming and turned in her seat, folding the corner of the current page of her book and resting it on the table.

"Doctor Rush."

Her voice was calm and soothing and completely countered the scientist's anger. Thankfully, she didn't seem to want to avoid him like the others. Rush took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair, drawing it backwards and out of his face. He was a bit winded and too agitated to sit down. Chloe observed him patiently.

Then Rush tried speaking like nothing was wrong, like this was just another request. He didn't know why he was even trying to fool the girl, because she obviously already knew why he was here. He tried for a half smile. "I'm hoping you can help me crack some algorithms I've been having trouble with."

Chloe looked down at her hands briefly, then back up to him. "I'm sorry, I can't."

"Colonel Young got to you too, then," Rush whispered darkly and turned to leave.

Chloe rose from her seat. "Wait." Rush halted but didn't turn. "I didn't agree to this blindly, and Colonel Young didn't expect me to either. He's convinced you're hiding something from him."

Rush turned his head enough to see her shape in the corner of his eye. "It's not important."

"So you _are_ hiding something."

"The crew isn't in danger."

"That doesn't matter." Chloe walked up behind Rush. She took his wrist softly and turned him. "It's his responsibility to know."

"It's entirely personal, and none of his business."

"Isn't it?" She fixed him with her beautiful blue eyes, the only pair on the ship that could see through him so easily. "Whatever happened to you on that planet, you're different now. If I hadn't lived through the experience of being captured by those aliens with you, I wouldn't be able to tell…but you're not the same person. I don't know any details beyond what Matt saw," she assured. "But it changed you, and the Colonel." She squeezed his hands and smiled kindly. "Stop pushing him away."

* * *

><p>Rush's eyes were so tired. Everything was covered in a film of haze and it made the lights and the brightness of the consoles painful to look at. He had been hunched in his chair for so many hours that his vertebrae popped one by one as he stretched. He had stopped looking at the time when he had become frustrated by his lack of progress and had been going in circled ever since. He hopped from one math problem to another, from one paradox to another, never settling on anything because he really couldn't focus. Those blueprints were remarkable, they were the only thing Rush wanted to work on…<p>

The life-signs detector was perched on the corner of Rush's work station. He pinched it between his thumb and forefinger and tilted it up to look at the screen. The green dot he had been watching hadn't moved, so Rush assumed that the Colonel was either asleep or working in his office. He hadn't figured out why only three members of the crew were projected as green, instead of blue. He hadn't identified the other two individuals, but he was sure that the one on screen was Young, because the distance the device indicated between himself and the green dot was about the same as between the engineering room and Young's quarters.

It was like a game. Between equations, Rush would look at the green blip and was reminded of the Colonel and his ignorance. It would cause a resurgence of anger in him that would last for hours. Then he'd do it again. It was draining, but a good way to prevent him from talking to Young.

Rush pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes against the sharp pain in his forehead.

"You should tell him."

Rush opened his eyes but didn't look in the direction of the voice. He didn't want to see her and he barely found it tolerable that she was a blur in his peripheral vision.

"If you must, then ignore me, but don't ignore him."

"He'll blame me," Rush muttered and flipped to a blank page of his notepad.

"Maybe he would have before, but not now. He's changed, and he's hoping you have too. Why are you so afraid?"

Rush looked at the near-perfect projection. Her brilliant red hair glistened in warming yellow light but there was no light source. Her locks rested on her shoulders, giving way to a very desirable physique, clothed in delicate wool and corduroy. "You've told him before that we've communicated."

"Yes, but you didn't take the form of his ex-wife!"

"You know that the form I take is determined by my function."

"Franklin was meant as a technical interface and Gloria was the ship's way of looking out for my wellbeing. Other than a gross distraction from my work, what purpose could you possibly have?"

"You're incorrigible, you know. After all my help with the search program, after I told you about Destiny's factory room and you're still too stubborn to acknowledge the obvious." Emily smiled considerately which enhanced her beauty tenfold. It was little wonder how The Colonel had fallen in love with her. "I'm concerned with Everett's wellbeing; of course you already know that."

"Then why aren't you showing yourself to him?" Rush tossed his hand in her direction dismissively.

"Because you are the one who influences his state of mind. Appearing to him as his last love would not only cause him emotional pain, it would put your relationship with him in jeopardy."

"Which is exactly why I can't tell him."

"He won't change his mind."

"Yeah, I got that."

"So you need to tell him."

"You're the one who won't show yourself to him because you know it will cause him pain!"

"Not knowing will hurt him more. The more secrets you keep, the harder it will be on him. I'm not the one he has affection for. It's your responsibility to tell him, and it will mean much more coming from you than from me." Emily went to Rush's side. Her nature was so sympathetic that she would have offered physical comfort if the constraints of her program allowed her. She looked at the blinking green dot.

"He's trying so hard for you. And I can tell you it's tearing him apart to know that you're so unwilling with your honesty. He has no way of knowing that you're doing it out of concern for his happiness. But in doing so you're making him suffer."

"He'll blame me," Rush repeated.

"You don't give him the credit he is due; he has changed, especially towards you. He won't physically harm you as he's done before, if that's what you're afraid of. You've created a very uncomfortable situation and the longer you wait to resolve it, the harder it will be for both of you. He will likely be angry with you when he finds out, but he'll get over it. He is a very reasonable man."

Rush cradled his forehead in his hand and rubbed his temples, sighing deeply.

"He may even surprise you," Emily said, a smile audible in her tone.

Rush looked up but she had vanished.

TBC

* * *

><p>Not much to say except this chapter really fried my brain, and now I'm gonna watch some SGU or something similar to decompress xP<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** My deepest apologies! *bows profusely* I've been gone so long, but the story hasn't left my thoughts. I haven't abandoned it. I've had some big things happen all at once; I've graded to green belt in Kyokushin Karate and I had to abruptly find a new place to live in one week and move...other things too but the point is I'm decently settled and I've finally finished this chapter. It's been sitting open in word for a month. I thank everyone who messaged me with concerns and offers for help, and I thank everyone who continues to read.

I've been faithfully reading CleanWhiteRoom's Force Over Distance - I think anyone who's read my story has also read hers. It's ironic that the two longest Rush/Young fanfics every written were started and released around the same time. I love her story, to me it's as good (better) than canon. If I'm honest with myself, her story intimidates me, and that has contributed to me not being as confident in what I'm writing as before. There are many similarities - for instance, Greer will play a significant role in RTB, as he has in FoD and Varro will inevitably chase TJ. However, I'm now sure that our plots are apples and oranges. Our Rush's are not the same either, because he's dealing with two totally different situations. So, I'll keep writing what I intended, with all the intentions of bringing my favorite universe Boys closer together.

I've made a friend on Deviantart who draws the BEST Stargate Universe fanart out there imo. And lucky for me, she's just as much of a RushYoung fan as I am. She's drawn some scenes from my story which I'm so honored to share:

**.com/**

* * *

><p>"Two planets, only one with a gate on it," informed Volker.<p>

Leaning on his usual console in the Gate room, Rush looked at the two teams making final adjustment to their equipment. Eli was helping Chloe into her backpack, clipping on the chest and waist guards. James and Greer were going over final details with the rest of the military personnel. They had recruited Park and, somehow, Brody. TJ had undoubtedly insisted she be there in person to scout out medicinals. The only two highly valuable individuals staying behind besides himself was Scott and Wray.

He expertly avoided the Colonel's eyes, stealthily watching in his peripheral vision as Young adjusted his cap and buckled up his pack.

Rush wanted to say something. Having so many good people go on a mission was risky. He didn't understand why Young put them all in such a precarious situation almost every time they explored a planet. He kept his lips pressed together. He hadn't said a word to Young since their confrontation, and he'd be damned if he broke now.

The vortex rushed out and they sent a Kino through. As the data from Destiny indicated, the planet was semi-arid, much like a tundra landscape. And a few miles west of the gate, along the horizon was what looked to be trees

"TJ's team, you go North-West. My team will head South. We'll meet up in the middle once we've reached the forest line. Check in every hour." He turned ambiguously in Rush's direction. "Dial in every couple of hours." The order was to no one in specific and that infuriated Rush even more. Next to him, Camille crossed her arms and nodded.

The teams walked through one at a time, Greer taking point with his rifle nestled against his shoulder. Young waited until everyone went through. He paused an inch from the event horizon, and it seemed like he would look back. Rush fought an irrational urge to grab the man and pull him away. His heart shot up his throat as he opened his mouth, but no sound came out. And then Young was gone. He clenched the side of the console to keep himself from running after him. This didn't feel okay. While Rush normally felt like he was about to explode if he kept still too long, the feeling was unbearable now.

He gave the gate a once-over, as an untrusting lover would, and escaped the stifling energy of the room, trying to ignore the pulling in his gut.

Rush was so drawn that he didn't know where his legs were taking him until he rounded a corner and nearly bumped into an unfamiliar bulkhead. He looked around to figure out his location and pulled up his radio.

"Volker, this is Rush. I'm going to run a diagnostic on the FTL drive, I'll be unavailable for a few hours."

On the other end, the unwitting scientist sounded distracted ad he casually replied, "sure thing. I'll call you if anything comes up."

Rush found it uncharacteristic of Young to leave him so unsupervised, especially since the other scientists had become so complacent now that the Colonel had him on such a tight leash. Rush sneered. They probably felt more secure knowing they were under no obligation to put up with his bossiness unless the Colonel okayed it.

Rush shivered under a surge of vengeance as he stopped in front of a very dirty door along a dim corridor. It's not that the Colonel had done anything wrong by going to the planet, but it still felt like a betrayal. It felt like being ignored, as irrational as that was. So, if the Colonel wanted to go out and play, Rush would take advantage. That he was acting like a child didn't cross Rush's mind. If it did he ignored it.

* * *

><p>The planet's Sun had moved a few degrees. The teams had just completed their first check-in with Destiny. It had been Camille's voice on the other side, not Rush. That made Young imagination light up with all sorts of gut-wrenching scenarios of where and what Rush might be doing.<p>

Young was no fool; Rush wasn't suddenly a changed man just because he'd won one battle. It was a feeling, a gut instinct he had, that Rush was no longer a threat to Young's command. Sure, he was still an undermining, morally ambiguous twit who needed constant supervision, but Everett hadn't felt personally threatened by him in a while.

Being in the Gate room with Rush had been the first time in two days that they had seen each other. Rush's eyes had felt like hot pokers on the back of his skull. Yet something in his demeanor hadn't been totally scathing or horrible. Young had felt a thin sheen of pain and affection bleeding from the man's callous shell. Like a shark sniffing one drop of blood in a million gallons of water, he had detected the faint signal expertly. There was something more there, something else. He had been getting the feeling of 'missing something' where Rush was concerned more frequently through the days, and now it was almost a constant discomfort.

Everett had almost caved then, had almost thrown in the towel and declared to Rush that whatever he was hiding could go to hell because he couldn't play this game anymore. He was unprepared for Rush to withstand his coup for so long.

He struggled with the possibility that he was driving Rush away more than ever. But again, it didn't feel that way. Actually, in recent days, Rush had been the most controllable that Young had ever seen him. He had waited for the demands, threats, and insults…for Rush to fight back, but that never came. And instead of opposition, Young felt Rush's sincere intention to wait it out, without vindictively trying to beat him at his own game.

He might be imagining it. Maybe Rush intended for him to fall into a false sense of security.

The natural light spilled warmly across Everett's shoulders, but he couldn't enjoy it. Before he could clamp it down, a sigh left his lips. Greer nonchalantly came up from his left and kept his eyes on the terrain, stoically keeping his focus away from his blatantly distressed CO.

"Looks like we're almost there, Sir," the Sergeant prompted. Everett finally looked up after God knew how long to see that the tree line had gotten much bigger. He provided a sound of affirmation that would hopefully satisfy his officer and he dropped his eyes back down to his boots.

"Look, Sir…I know it's none of my business." Greer kept his voice low, making its characteristic unevenness more pronounced. "I don't normally do this sort of thing, I stay quiet and just _do_…you know."

The pause in Greer's voice and the hesitant strain at the corner of his eyes spoke volumes of his discomfort.

James and Park were far enough ahead that they wouldn't be heard. Everett convinced himself that was the only reason he indulged this conversation, not because he could really use a loyal ear.

"Rush hasn't been okay since we came back from Altera," Greer said finally. "Neither have you, Sir."

"We're having some problems." Fuck that made it sound like he and Rush were a married couple. Young fought not to cringe. "We're working it out," he recovered…sort of.

"Is that why you left him alone on the ship?"

Young ignored the subtle challenge to his decision. Greer was digging for answers, and why wouldn't he? He'd had his witts about him on the planet, he had observed Rush's sensitivity to being touched, had seen the blood, maybe even smelled it. Young uneasily accepted that Greer had the clearest picture of what had happened. Just how much he had guessed correctly remained unclear. Young really wanted to keep it that way, but that was going to be impossible now.

As if he heard his CO's thoughts, Greer said, "People are starting to talk."

People were always talking, Young thought. Being stranded in the far reaches of the Universe with the same, stagnant recreational material, gossip was bound to be a favored activity. And the more they speculated, the worse the damage to their reputations would be.

"What exactly are they saying?" He had an idea, but he really didn't want to know.

By the way his expression pinched, it seemed Greer didn't want him to know either. He looked into the Colonel's eyes with a soul-searching quality that forced Young to look away first. Now he was sure Greer knew. This was definitely up there on Young's list of ultimate awkward moments.

"Sometimes…we have to do things we really don't want to do. To save lives." Young was astounded at the bullshit coming from his own mouth. This was a scene out of a bad movie, where some deadbeat dad attempts to explain something meaningful to his son. Did he honestly expect Greer to buy that?

"I understand, Sir."

"Those things end up changing you, forever. I'm – m' not trying to rationalize or justify anything – "

"I wasn't implying you were, Sir." Greer's hands tightened around his rifle, a physical manifestation of his conviction. "I just want to make sure you know that whatever happened you haven't lost any of my respect. I can't speak for him, but I'm sure Lieutenant Scott feels the same."

The uncertainty between them dissipated like an ebbing pain as they found common ground, as Young understood beyond a shadow of a doubt that he had people on Destiny he could trust, that it wasn't just him against sixty other crew members all talking about him when he wasn't around.

A relaxed and confident smile played Greer's face. "We've got your back, Sir."

Everett decided that anything he said right now would be inadequate. He looked at Greer, leeching some of the young man's optimism and nodded in gratitude.

The time it took them to reach the forest could have been a second or an eternity for all Young knew. His senses sharpened instinctively; he was first and foremost a military man and that would never change. No matter what his situation with Rush, this mission and his people's safety took priority. He rested his hand against his rifle and scouted their surroundings. His team followed his lead and used the rest as an opportunity for a water break.

"This is Young, we're at the edge of the forest," he said into his radio. He leaned over Park's shoulder and she tilted the Kino remote towards him. "Four point six klicks from your position. Going to proceed North-West."

"_Affirmative,"_ TJ replied. _"We're about 10 minutes out."_

"Copy that. Keep an eye on the Kino. Report anything you find."

"_Yes, Sir." _

Twenty minutes in, Park had discovered patches of wild root vegetables. Young had a feeling that Greer only abstained from taking a bite because they were covered in soil…and he'd kick his ass for it. Then TJ called in to report that she had found potential medicinals. Chloe and Eli's laughter came through the static. Their smiles were audible, and Young kept the channel open for longer than necessary, passing along their positive energy to his team.

Another thirty minutes, and they were making excellent progress. James was mapping the area and marking hot spots for the teams that would return later, once they tested the food and plants for toxins.

Suddenly, Young looked up when he no longer felt the warmth of the dappled sun through the leaves.

"Looks like rain," said James as she too looked at the grey sky.

"Is it just me…or is it getting darker," Greer said apprehensively.

James packed away her equipment quickly. "Where did this come from? It was perfect just a few minutes ago."

That's when the wind kicked in, whipping their hair flat against their heads as a magnificent gust rushed through the trees. Park had to take a step back to catch her balance.

"I thought this place was relatively a desert!" Young yelled over the deafening sound of rustling leaves.

"The area around the gate is," Park shouted back, "but there has to be at least some rainfall for this forest to be here!"

"How bad is it going to get!"

"It's too hard to tell from in here, I can't see the horizon!"

Young wasn't going to wait around and find out. He motioned for his team to follow him as he set off at a fast jog.

"TJ!"

"_We're packing up now, Sir!"_

"Get to the gate, as fast as you can!"

"_Understood!"_

They might be able to outrun the storm to the gate, but at the speed it approached Young was very dubious of that. Still, they had to try.

The sky was now so dark that it plunged the forest into premature night. The wind blew even harder and foliage and debris whirled up and flew past them. Then a flash and a bolt of lightning jumped across the sky. The thunder came immediately after, so loud that everyone instinctively crouched. It felt like it had split open the ground as it rumbled under their feet.

Young fumbled his radio, nearly dropping it as another roar of thunder tore across the land. "Do not go out in the open, I repeat do not go out in the open!" He swore under his breath. They would be targets on such open terrain. "Try to find shelter and stay put!"

"_Yes, Sir!"_

Young scanned the darkness, but there was nothing but trees and shrubs. Keeping low, he lead his team to a cluster of trees, short enough compared to the others that they would be safe underneath and perhaps get some protection.

When the rain came, it soaked them in seconds. The four of them huddled together, their jackets over their heads. Greer held Park against him as she covered her ears against the onslaught of cracks and booms. Young was hoping it would be a flash storm, that it wouldn't last long, but when it only got worse after fifteen minutes he began to worry. It wasn't just pouring; it was like buckets being dumped on them. His adrenaline was pumping, the blood rushing in his ears almost louder than the thunder. The lightning was almost constant, and very close.

Everyone looked down in tandem as water suddenly filled their boots. They looked behind them, up the slope, and saw the roots of the trees being flooded. It was going to be a full-blown mudslide in minutes.

"Oh, shit…" Greer muttered.

Eli's harassed voice crackled on the radio. _"Colonel, we've got problems over here!"_ It sounded like he was running.

"We have to go." Young pulled Park to her feet. "Up, let's go." He struggled to overcome his own shock and get his people to move. "We have to move, now…now!"

They bolted, as fast as they could across the slippery ground. The water was already inches high around their ankles. Greer took the lead, dragging Park behind him, while Young took their six.

"Get your asses to the gate!" he yelled into the radio. They had no choice now; they would have to risk it.

Gravity pulled them down the slope and all they could do was put one foot in front of the other. There was no holding back, or else they would stumble over their own feet and fall. Young felt his boots slip with every step, and he prayed that his legs and his body could keep up this pace. If the mudslide didn't kill them, then a wrong step would.

The trees were thinning, and the mud was thickening. The edge of the forest was visible a hundred meters ahead. The brief existence of Young's relief died as he saw the heart-stopping deathtrap that awaited them; across the tundra plane lightning bolts were striking the ground, one after the other. He felt his team slow, but a glance over his shoulder confirmed to Young that they were about to be swept up and drowned if they didn't go right now.

"Move, move, move, don't fucking stop!"

They sprinted out of the tree line and across the plane, the mudslide on their heels. The crevices and dips in the parched grassland diminished its intensity quickly, but it was still strong enough to unbalance them. TJ's team was several hundred meters ahead. A couple of bolts landed sickeningly close to them, so bright that it took Young a few seconds to see that everyone was still on their feet.

There was a flash and an ear-splitting crack behind him, but he didn't dare turn to look. He swore he felt a tingle run up his legs, a dim current from the strike that had almost hit him. His muscles and lungs burned with the intensity of an oil-fuelled fire and his gear moved clumsily about his body, weighing him down. The option to slow down was there only for the person who didn't want to make it back alive. _Please let everyone make_ _it_ and _just one more step_ were the echoing mantras in his head.

Just one more step, one more. His heel touched on ground, and then sunk. The sight of the hellish horizon and his team dropped out of sight as he fell through the earth.

* * *

><p>Rush was on his back, under a console doing…something. Fixing something, like a grease monkey reviving an old car. The million years of neglect meant that his hands were thick with grime, especially in here. Without the benefit of a rolling trolley, Rush had to worm his way out, which he did with surprising ease and agility. He grasped a handle somewhere above his head and pulled himself to his feet, exhaling like whatever he had done would finally work this time.<p>

Rush's pants were ruined from lacking anything else to wipe his hands on, but this time he didn't bother. He smeared his fingers together and quickly brought them close to his nose, then stared at them with a tactile sense of curiosity. Then he hooked a hand over his shoulder in his usual display of fatigue and looked at the platform he was trying to fix. It was one of a dozen in this large factory room. Above each one were giant mechanical arms for manipulating, soldering and shaping large sheets of metal.

The place was nothing you would expect from the Ancients. But the grimy, Steampunk-esque equipment disguised a sophisticated computer system for advanced engineering. Technology for materializing items from scratch that the Asgard used was still millennia away for the most advanced Ancients of the time, let alone Destiny's outdated design. Rush wasn't complaining. It was nice to have a clean and perfect ship, with white walls and bright lights, but he found a simple comfort in using his hands to achieve something for a change.

Rush entered a simple line of code into the console and his heart jerked when one of the arms came to life. It flexed out, its gears giving off teeth clenching screeches, and rotated its hand before stilling and awaiting further instructions. It could definitely use some oil. Rush would have felt more victory if this had not been the only progress he had made in all the hours since he'd been here…and if he wasn't doing this behind a certain Colonel's back.

Each time his mind took a tangent to that dark hair and strong jaw, Rush had to work harder to expel the image. He felt absurdly possessed by whatever hold Young had on him lately, and throwing himself deep into work was like exorcising him from his mind. It never worked of course, and like a stubborn virus kept coming back stronger than before.

Rush wrote a quick note on his pad, pretending that he couldn't see the figure standing in his peripheral vision.

"You can't build it alone," said Emily, in a calm, sad voice.

"Him being here won't be a help at all," Rush answered mechanically, like they'd had this conversation before.

"Keeping him out will only make it worse. I've told you as much."

Rush turned on the AI, now with all the intent that she was a real person that he could throttle. "That you have; and annoyingly persistent if I may add!"

"It's my function."

"To give me a headache!"

"To make you see what you can't possibly see. Some people aren't able to tell someone the truth in their presence. Colonel Young is that type of man. But I know how he feels when you're not there."

Rush cocked his head like his ear was painful, and grimaced as if that would stop the AI from speaking.

"You don't want to hear what I have to say because you're scared."

"Correction, I don't need, nor do I want to know what Colonel Young does in his free time."

"But you care what he thinks about you."

Rush sniggered to disguise how brittle he was inside.

Hands, strong hands holding him down…too strong; those same hands pulling him up, dragging him to safety, keeping him still, wrapping around him. It was insanely confusing, not knowing if they would hurt or soothe him. And then there were his eyes…Rush hadn't been able to look in his eyes as he…just briefly he glanced up and saw…

"Doing this behind his back is a poor way to inspire trust."

"I suppose spying on him will!"

The AI pursed her lips and Rush wondered if that's how the real Emily had looked when the Colonel announced he was going away on another mission. Couldn't the AI pick someone less awkward for this function, for fuck's sake?

"No matter, I planned to tell him eventually, and not because of your pleasant insistence I might add." Rush suddenly looked too weary and too tired for someone still awake. "I'll have to if I want to build this thing." He motioned to the blueprints on the monitor.

"You're not an island, Nick."

"I could build it alone, given enough time," Rush rebuked hotly. "But we're vulnerable, we need much more than what we have if we hope to survive the next few months."

"He's not trying to break you," said Emily gently. "But you must bend for him; that is the only way you two will find common ground. He is compromising on your behalf, more than you could possibly know."

"As you've been so eager to share with me."

"How could you know if no one tells you? The fact is he's trying so hard for you, Nick. And he's not sure if what he's doing is the right thing." Emily looked uncertain about sharing that part, but seemed to hope that it would have a positive effect on Rush's actions.

Suddenly, she whirled her head around, frowning and looking at something only she could see.

Rush's chest filled with a familiar dread. "What…what is it?"

He pulled up Destiny's status on the console to see if anything was amiss, and when he turned back around the AI was gone. Almost failing to suppress the frantic need to run, he walked at speed to the Gate room, leaving all his equipment behind. The shimmer of the event horizon hit his pupils sharply, but he kept his expression hard.

Scott was talking to someone on the planet as Camille listened. TJ's team, as well Park and James were standing in the middle of the room, soaked and shaken; TJ was quickly checking them all for signs of shock. Brody was the only one who noticed his appearance, but he kept his lips thin. He raised his eyebrows towards Scott, to indicate that he should stay quiet and just listen.

Then Rush heard a voice on the comm., muffled and overpowered by the sound of pouring water, but unmistakably Greer.

"_...we've reached higher ground…coming up fast…Colonel not…too good."_

TJ pulled her penlight away from Eli's eyes and grabbed her radio. "Is he responsive?"

Rush heard Greer talking quietly to the Colonel, but he couldn't make it out. Young's gruff voice came through the static, so weak it hit Rush's heart like an 18-wheel truck. His entire being flared to life, every molecule quivering with fear and the need to move, to do something.

"_He's with me, TJ. But I don't know for…long."_

"Can he walk?"

"_More like swim at this point…but I'm sure…could, I'm just here to help him along."_ Greer's voice dimmed and took on a private tone as he spoke to Young. _"Isn't that right, Sir…"_

It was obvious to everyone that the Sergeant wouldn't allow himself to speak negatively in front of his wounded CO, to keep his spirits up, to make it look like they were coming back alive.

Rush glanced at the Gate console, and used his most discreet voice. "Is this an outgoing wormhole?"

Brody nodded. "TJ's team dialed in, but Young's team was way behind. The thirty-eight minutes expired and we had to dial out to communicate with Young and Greer."

Rush scanned the room and squinted. "Why did Park and James make it through?"

"Colonel Young fell through a crevice in the earth running from a mud slide. Greer refused to leave him behind."

Of course, Greer was the only person crazy enough to do something like that, but it was also the reason why the Colonel was still alive. But if the rain didn't stop soon, they were both going to drown.

"Do you have any idea where you are in relation to the Gate?" asked Scott.

"_Negative. Compass isn't workin' down here…can't see four f…in front of my face."_

"They can't stay there," Camille said with a slight quiver in her voice.

"What about the Kino?" Scott looked hopefully at Chloe, who was holding a remote. She shook her head.

"The entire place is covered in water, nothing is distinguishable, I…" she sighed and dropped her hands at her sides, looking apologetically at Matt.

The young Lieutenant pursed his lips and took pause. He locked eyes with Eli who, despite being cold and sore, looked ready for action. TJ's rose from her crouch and James straightened. Scott licked his lips and nodded.

Catching their energy, Camille intercepted Scott mid-thought and rounded on him, pulling his arm back to physically pull him away from his train of thought. "Absolutely not! No one is going back to that planet until it clears up!"

"We can't just leave them there," Eli protested.

"And we won't, we'll get them once the storm clears."

"By that time it might be too late! We don't know how long this will last, they could _die_…Camille."

She looked helplessly back to Scott.

"It's not your decision to make alone," he told her.

"Okay, I'm all for rescuing them, but the fact is we don't know where to start," Park pointed out. "And Camille is right, if we go out on the plains, the waters will sweep us away."

"The Kino isn't picking up their signatures?" asked TJ.

Eli shook his head. "The planet's crust is…laced with some kind of polysilicate alloy, it's messing with our sensors…we can't get a clear reading of what's down there."

"What if we boost the sensor output of the ship with the energy from weapons," Brody suggested weakly.

"No, that won't work," said Rush, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Everyone looked behind them, taking in Rush for the first time. He ignored them and, reaching across Brody, typed a few things into the console. His eyes flew across the data and his feet were already moving before he finished.

"Wait, where are you going?"

Brody didn't get a reply.

Rush flew through the ship, his small compact form seemingly built perfectly for that purpose. His muscles were so overloaded with adrenaline that he wasn't sure if they were helping him or hindering him. His legs were weak, shaky, felt like he might collapse at anytime. His throat was tight, he couldn't swallow. He couldn't hear his feet impacting the metal deck plating, only the air filling his lungs like his ears were plugged.

The absolute fear he felt right now was rivaled by only a handful of previous experiences. Sure, he felt that familiar icy cold dread all the time, on a daily basis in fact; but almost never at this level and for so long. It was like getting that phone call from the hospital, like icy blue fingers wrapping around his arms and forcing him down. Such self-preservation only ever presented itself to Rush when it was certain there was nothing he could do to change his situation, when his life was about to take an irreparable turn for the worst; because he was about to lose something important to him.

Colonel Young was the link in the chain keeping Rush and Rush's sanity together. Because despite the horrific implications of what Young had done to him, Rush's survival instinct hadn't kicked in. If it had he would have fought tooth and nail, he would have exacted some form of revenge afterwards, and he certainly wouldn't be trying to save the man. Instead he had laid there and let the violation happen. An overpowering force in Young had made Rush trust that he would be okay. Young was repressing Rush's usual methods for confronting trauma, and showing him a better way. If he disappeared now so would Rush's chances for recovery.

Without Young, he would bury his head in the sand, push everyone away and become even more callous and meaner a man than ever before. Rush didn't…he _didn't_ want to end up that way.

This was a poor way for the powers of the Universe to repay him for his unwavering dedication to the most important mystery of the cosmos. That's why he had a chance to save Young and himself, because the Universe and this ship and its mission wouldn't benefit from the death of Doctor Nicholas Rush. Not yet. There were important discoveries to be made, people to insult and by God he had shit to do!

Not five minutes later, Rush reappeared in the Gate room at a run, a pack on his shoulders, rope in one hand and a disk-like object in the other. He kept running like the others were mist he could pass through.

"Rush!" Camille yelled.

"What the Hell?" said Eli.

Scott lunged to grab him but Rush slipped through the event horizon.

"He's going to be killed!" Park shouted.

"Hang on…let me see that," Eli motioned for Chloe to hand him the remote.

"Rush, this is Camille, can you hear me?"

Scott swore openly. "Damnit…Rush if you're there, respond!"

Chloe walked up to Matt and took his radio from him. "We just want to know if you're okay."

There was a collective breathe of relief as Rush's voice came through, distorted and irritated.

"_I'm rather busy, call back later!"_

Simultaneously, Eli broke out into an incredulous smile. "That's it…that's…the Gate is acting like a…a lightning rod. Its power output is massive so all the lightning for two kilometers is being discharged there! See this…these power spikes are a result of the energy peaks caused by the lightning. "

"So what happens when the Gate shuts down?" asked Chloe.

The tension filled the space once again and the smiles evaporated.

Brody looked up from the console. "Twenty-two minutes."

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** A tremendous thankyou to CleanWhiteRoom and Sacredclay for their beautiful encouragements. That's all I have to say about that :P

I posted the link to my friend's deviantart account and then discovered that doesn't allow that. Her name is EuticphicL, and she makes the best SGU fanart out there today, and bless it's mostly Rush/Young! So please go check her out, she's really brought life to my story.

* * *

><p>It was a downpour like nothing imaginable on Earth. Rush was soaked to the bone immediately, and he might have been swept away if the Gate wasn't on an elevated portion of land and still out of reach of the rushing water…for now.<p>

He resisted the urge to duck as blinding flashes struck the Stargate every second, making it crack and sizzle dangerously. He held his hand above his brow to be able to see without rain running in his eyes. The water was turning everything up, swirling with eddies and ripping up shrubs. He unclipped his pack and left it with the disk by the Gate as he took a couple tentative steps into the flood. He was only ankle-deep and already he had to use all his strength not to be swept up. He needed to reach an outcrop of rocks a few meters out and secure himself. He couldn't see the ground through the mud, couldn't see the unevenness in the land.

He tied one end of the rope around his waist and legs like a harness and waded further out. The Kino they had sent through to search for the Colonel floated around his head and the anxious voices of his crew mates permeated the static.

"_Oh my God…"_ James breathed.

"_Rush, what the hell are you doing,"_ Scott warned.

"_You're crazy. No, I take that back, you're insane!"_ was Eli's horrified input.

"_Shhh, Eli, don't!"_

"_Chloe, he's in the water!"_

"_Alright, everyone just stay calm,"_ Camille interrupted.

"_Did I just hear that right, Doc?" said Greer incredulously, perhaps even hopefully._

"The more you distract me the more likely it is that you'll die," replied Rush cuttingly.

"_Take it easy, Doc. But whatever you're gonna do you need to do it fast…a few more minutes and my feet won't touch the bottom."_

"Yes, a reminder of your imminent mortality will make me work much faster, thank you!"

Now properly secured, Rush spared no caution getting back to solid ground as quickly as possible.

"_Don't sweat it. You've gotten us out of impossible situation before…you'll manage this time too."_

"I feel so reassured by your platitudes."

Greer had no idea what Rush had in mind, but he wouldn't be risking his life if it wasn't a good plan. That much he trusted, at least. _"Just focus, Doc. It'll be fine."_

Rush wanted to retort that this most certainly wasn't fine, was as far away from fine as it gets. He was making this up as he went. He wouldn't have time to make mistakes, he had one opportunity to save their lives and it rested solely in his hands. So no, this most certainly wasn't fucking fine. But he had to control his anxiety, or it would slow him down. He was normally the type of person who worked well under pressure…just not this kind.

Rush reached the muddy bank and set up right next to the gate, where he was as high as he could get without being in the path of the vortex. He pulled a thick, torn plastic sheet from his pack and draped it over his head and the disk, which was in front of him; it wasn't to protect the equipment, but so he could see what the hell he was doing. He nestled the Alteran life signs detector between his knees and released a Kino into the rain.

His hands shook violently as he turned the disk-device on. A green, lush terrain presented itself as a holographic projection above it. Rush navigated out of the planet database and into the device's control panel. Many of these Ancient words he didn't recognize and the dialect made his work difficult.

The first Kino hovered just within sight.

"_What's he doing?"_ Chloe asked.

"_I dunno, I can't see with that thing on him…what is that anyways?"_ Eli answered irritably.

"_Plastic wrap from the supplies we brought through from Icarus,"_ said Brody.

"Would you people _bloody _stay quiet!"

"_A bit hard when we have no idea what you're doing."_

"This device scans planet surfaces by a three kilometer radius relative to its position." Rush hoped that was enough to shut them up.

"_That's…cool,"_ said Eli. _"Wait why didn't you tell us what it did _before _we went to the ambiguously treacherous monsoon planet?"_

"_Eli's right, we could have used it to get a better idea of the layout of the land,"_ said Brody. _"Does it report weather patterns? It might have been able to predict the storm…"_

"I didn't know its function exactly! In the Gate room it just came to me."

"_How could you not know, you've been studying what we brought back for weeks now,"_ Eli cried.

"I only had a vague idea – can we leave this discussion for later?"

There was a brief silence

"_Have you done this before?"_ Brody asked.

"No."

"_Then how do you know it'll work?"_

"Because it's all I've got!"

"_How long is it going to take?"_ Camille interjected.

"I don't know! I've initiated the scan, I don't think it will be long but there's no way to tell."

Scott spoke next. _"Not that I doubt you, Doc, but the Colonel and Sergeant are underground. Is that thing built for subterranean scouting?"_

Rush hesitated. "Not exactly."

"_TJ, I just lost the Colonel for a few seconds,"_ said Greer with an edge of panic.

"_Greer, don't let him fall asleep. Sir…Sir! Can you hear me? It's imperative that you don't fall asleep,"_ TJ practically yelled. _"You have to stay awake."_

"_Hnn…TJ,"_ came Young's pained reply. "_I dunno…how much longer I can…"_ His voice faded out, too exhausted to continue.

"_We're working on getting you out of there, Colonel, but you have to stay awake,"_ Scott said firmly, like he was giving a direct order. _"Greer…"_

"_Understood, Lieutenant."_

"_Rush, whatever you're going to do, it needs to be now!"_

"I'm working as fast as I can! There's nothing I can do while it's scanning!"

"_Rush…"_ Colonel Young rasped, and Rush looked up startled. _"You're…'lotta…work."_

An ghost of a grin quivered on Rush's lips. That was the first thing Young had said to him in 52 hours. How predictable, and strangely comforting. Rush was acutely aware that everyone was listening, so didn't respond. In this emotional state they would easily pick up things he didn't want them to know, that he himself didn't want to know. He made a silent promise to not let that be the last thing he ever heard from that man.

The device beeped and up came the planet's tundra planes, how they normally looked without water.

"Scan is complete. All of you shutup and let me work. Rush out!"

At the center of the map was a dot representing his life signs.

Rush brought up the list of alloy and chemical contents in the ground and typed in a compound formula. The hologram flashed and displayed concentrations of his query as red patches. He then attempted to modify the parameters of the search to expand several meters below ground and…bingo. The hologram flashed again as it scrolled down to show a network of tunnels where the polysilicate alloy wasn't present, meaning gaps in the earth. Still, it wasn't reading Greer or Young.

He replaced a crystal in the scanner with one from the Alteran life-signs detector. A few more modifications were required, but he finally got them on the screen.

"Greer, I've located your position, standby."

They were roughly two hundred meters from the Gate, a little more if one accounted for the meandering of the tunnels. The closest surface access was thirty meters North-West from his position. Rush programmed his Kino to emit a high-pulse frequency, and modified the scanner to detect it. Then he sent it away, controlling it manually with the remote. It was like driving a toy car half a kilometer away through binoculars. He had to constantly consult the scanner to make sure he was heading in the right direction. When it came time to thread the needle, so to speak, Rush took a few tries, but he got the Kino through the hole and underground.

It was slow going. Rush switched on the Kino's night vision and his anxiety peaked as he saw only a few feet remaining between the rising water and the roof of the tunnels. His every movement of the controls was deliberate and precise; he wasn't keen to find out if Kinos could swim.

"Greer, there's a Kino approaching your position. It should be a few meters in front of you."

Simultaneously, Rush caught a glint from Greer's dying flashlight and the Sergeant's exuberant voice, _"Here! God Damnit, you Son of a Bitch, you did it!"_

A collective noise of celebration crackled from Destiny.

However Rush could see the situation for what it truly was.

Even by the green glow of night vision, Young looked pale and barely there. His left arm was strapped to his chest with a belt and torn fabric, and even though it was being washed away, he was obviously severely wounded and losing blood. Young looked up at the Kino and his awareness seemed to come forward out of pure survival need. Greer had to hold him and tread water; his feet no longer reached the bottom and there was nothing in the way of roots for him to hold.

"_We'll follow you, Doc."_

The journey back was much slower. Rush was quickly developing a new appreciation for Greer's physical prowess and mental determination. Not only was he hauling a full grown man behind him, but it appeared he was swimming against the current.

"_I don't mean to be negative,"_ said Brody, _"but you've only got three minutes before the Gate shuts down. The Lightning will have nowhere to go, if it hits the water anywhere near you the shock…"_

"That's where you're wrong. For several seconds after it shuts down, a Stargate emits residual electromagnetic static that will keep attracting the lightning."

"_Wait, hang on…I think he's on to something,"_ said Eli._ "But if the timing is off…"_

"You should have enough time to dial back."

"_Should?"_

"Look Eli, we don't have time for you to second guess everything I'm doing!"

"_Hang on, why are we dialing you?"_ asked Brody.

"Because Scott and TJ are going to come through and help me pull Colonel Young and Sergeant Greer to the surface."

"_They're getting ready now, Doctor,"_ informed Camille. _"Anything else you need?"_

"Rope. Lots of it."

The Gate shut down, and the lightning did what Rush predicted. The chevrons lit up and the vortex exploded and Rush's backup came through.

"Where is it?" Scott yelled over the rain.

Still focused on the Kino, Rush showed them the holographic image and pointed to an outcrop of rocks.

Scott waded out and untied Rush from the rock. It looked like they had brought all the rope on Destiny, and they knotted the ends together. TJ was the counterweight as Scott plunged right into the flood, letting the current do most of the work. Getting back would be the hard part.

He located the crevice easily enough by following the way the water got sucked in, and he fed the rope down.

"You're almost there," Rush told Greer. "Just a couple dozen meters more."

The end of the rope tugged faintly.

"I think I've got 'em…I've got 'em!" Scott yelled.

The Kino came out first, and then…a shock of black hair through the rain. Rush got up on unsteady feet, not caring that the water ran into his eyes. Scott hauled Colonel Young out, like a doctor excising a stubborn baby from its mother – feeble and vulnerable and crying. Rush grew weak in the knees seeing Young standing on his own two feet, still moving and breathing. TJ secured herself to the main rope and waded out to them.

The water was almost to the Gate, and Rush's feet were sinking into the silt as he braced against their weight.

TJ grabbed hold the front of Young's jacket and pulled him forward. He grimaced, obviously in great pain, but helped her as much as he could. Then Greer appeared, looking on the verge of collapse, and uncharacteristically accepted a hand from Scott.

When the Colonel finally made it to the Gate, he collapsed on his knees into the shallow water. Rush almost went with him, but the other two were still out there. TJ was already checking Young over, looking for head injuries and anything immediately life-threatening. She tried to tilt his head up, but he wouldn't cooperate, and then Rush saw why.

Through the torn sleeve of his jacket he saw something sharp and white protruding from Young's skin – bone. Jesus Christ he had snapped his arm in two. And his every muscle was tense against the unbelievable agony.

As Scott and Greer stumbled clumsily onto the bank, TJ shook her head, unable to coax Young to do anything for her. "He's lost a lot of blood. I need to get him back to the ship _right_ now."

"Pack up the gear, let's get the Hell out of here," Scott ordered.

"Destiny, this is Rush. Shut down the Stargate on my mark." He programmed an automatic dial-in on his remote. "Now."

From there, everything stringed together into one big blur. They went through as quickly as possible, followed by gallons of muddy water that covered the Gate room floor. Barnes and Inman carried Young to the infirmary on a stretcher as TJ walked briskly at his side. Greer insisted to Park that he was okay, that he would take his time and walk. Still, she held his arm and guided him out and James followed close behind. As for Rush…he didn't hear Camille asking if he was alright, didn't feel her hands steadying him. He didn't recognize Eli as he praised his brush with death or took notice of Chloe's large worried eyes. He dropped all his gear and left it there, left them all there staring after him.

Next he knew he was standing in the doorway of the infirmary, watching Colonel Young thrash about as James, Greer, Barnes and TJ tried to hold him down.

"Hold him still I need to stop this damn bleeding."

TJ pressed a few layers of gauze down on Young's arm. A torturous cry ripped through his throat and he nearly knocked James back as he tried to rip away from TJ.

"Inman, give him another shot of painkillers, he's still feeling this!"

Rush wondered if the Colonel knew where he was. He had never seen the man look like this, face twisted grotesquely, veins in his neck bulging and so utterly frightened. And his voice – so foreign and horrific that he never imagined Young was capable of making those kinds of sounds. Against his will, Rush's memory flickered to cold wet halls and his own screams as his mind was taken apart piece by piece.

As Inman administered another dose, Young went slack, and Rush slipped away unnoticed.

Once in his quarters, Rush pulled off his wet clothes and hung them on his chair to dry. He had to fight his fatigue as he wrestled out of his jeans, then jacket and the Colonel's black shirt. He stood naked, not sure what to do, until his body finally decided that he was too cold and he slipped under the covers. All of him was numb.

* * *

><p>"Doctor Rush, this is TJ."<p>

Rush jolted awake. He glanced at his watch; he had been asleep four hours. As he unhooked the radio from his discarded belt on the floor he tried to keep the sleep out of his voice.

"Rush here."

"Can you come to infirmary?"

"Yeah…yeah I'll be right there."

He sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his face. His skin felt tight, as if from evaporated tears, though he couldn't remember crying. Everything was either sore or aching, but at least it was spread out over his entire body and not localized into one painful spot. He rubbed the scar of his abdomen absently.

His clothes were still wet and had left puddles on the floor. But his shirt was almost dry so he pulled it on with his black BDU pants. The outfit made him look unhealthy, like he had recently lost an unnatural amount of weight and no longer fit into his clothes.

His boots and socks were still hopelessly soaked, so he walked out barefoot.

TJ was still working, cleaning instruments and washing bloody gauze when Rush walked in. She smiled faintly.

"Hey, have a seat over there."

He spotted the Colonel asleep in a darkened part of the infirmary covered in blankets.

"What's this about?"

"You left before I had a chance to examine you."

TJ set down a tray of supplies and motioned for him to sit. He looked over at her dubiously then back at Young.

"He's in critical condition but stable. Doctor Rush…" she called with more authority.

Sighing, Rush did as he was told and looked at TJ obliquely through his curtain of hair. She took out her pen light – he grimaced. He bowed his head reflexively as she pointed the thing at his eye. She tilted his chin up and made a coaxing sound and he reluctantly complied. She turned it on and Rush jolted away, and shot a hand out to keep her out of reach.

"Easy…one more." She placed his hand on his lap.

Rush shook his head and turned away.

"Okay…okay, just relax." She touched his cheek softly, smoothed his hair out of his face and looked at his eyes. "You have a bit of a temperature…and your pupils are dilated. What were you doing before you came here?"

"Sleeping."

"Sorry, I must have woken you."

"When you go on a daring rescue the first thing you tend to do when you come back is sleep," Rush said good naturedly, which put her at ease.

"Do you have pain anywhere?"

Rush furrowed his brow.

"I mean from injury."

He shook his head, his eyes flicked briefly to the Colonel.

"When was the last time you slept before today?"

Rush shrugged. "I don't know really…"

TJ crossed her arms and stared at him.

"Fourty hours, maybe more."

"You're run down."

"Not anymore than everyone else on the ship."

"Much more than anyone else on the ship."

She took his blood pressure, listened to his heart and measured his pulse. She didn't miss the way he subtly tensed when she brushed against him, or how he pulled back minutely at a sharp noise. The sparkle in his eyes dimmed every time.

"I'm going to take a blood sample, check your hormone levels. You might be suffering from adrenal fatigue. With everything that's been going on lately I wouldn't be surprised."

Rush let her tie a tourniquet around his bicep. He shifted his seat nervously.

TJ observed him carefully and made the effort to suffuse her movements with a calm state of mind. She had discovered early on that Rush disliked needles more than average folk, but she had never seen him this jumpy about it. His face was drawn and his eyes closed, but TJ read his fear by the way his eyelids quivered and his mouth tightened. She disinfected the crook of his arm and his eyes snapped up to her accusingly, like he was only now realizing what she was going to do.

"You seem a bit on edge. What's on your mind?"

Rush shook his head. "Is this really necessary?"

"It'll at least give me an idea of how compromised your immune system is."

"To what end?"

"To determine how much downtime I give you."

TJ's demeanor dared him to counter her authority and promised that if he did he would lose. Rush stayed uncharacteristically silent but his glare could make the dead cringe.

"Well it won't make much of a difference," he stated matter-of-factly. "Colonel Young's doing that for you."

Ah that must be it, thought TJ. What bothered Rush was the man asleep in that bed over there. Even unconscious he had a menacing effect on the scientist, though she was the only one on board who knew why.

When Rush saw the syringe, he instinctively drew his arm closer to his body. TJ pulled his elbow gently forward. In his favor, the veins in his arms were prominent, which made it easy for TJ to slip in. Rush's breath caught in his throat but he showed no other signs of discomfort.

"All done. Now I want you to go back to your quarters and sleep."

"Something I'd still be doing if you hadn't called."

He kept a serious tone, but the lack of venom in the statement prompted TJ to smile.

"And don't skip meals," she threw over her shoulder as she retreated to her office.

Rush lingered a while and when he was sure that TJ was busy and that he wouldn't be seen, he went to Colonel Young's bedside. He crept around slowly, like he was afraid of what he would see.

Young's lips were slightly parted and his skin was ghostly pale and translucent around his jaw where Rush could see hints of blue veins underneath his afternoon shadow. His eyelids didn't flick with REM sleep and the lines on his brow were relaxed almost to smoothness .He could be dead if not for the almost imperceptible rise and fall of the blankets.

Rush stared at him like he had a foul taste in his mouth, unable to tear his eyes away. Perhaps subconsciously he hoped the burn of his gaze would stir the Colonel so that he'd know it wasn't a corpse lying there.

"He called for you, when your medic was operating on him."

Rush jumped and the AI looked curiously at him, unaccustomed to such a reaction.

"I've told you to stop saying those sorts of things."

"It's obvious that you care for him. You wouldn't be here otherwise." It narrowed its eyes. "It's not like you to ignore evidence."

"It's not as simple as that. This isn't a mathematical equation with a definitive answer."

"You have feelings for him. The answer seems clear to me."

"Of course it would, you're not capable of perceiving human relationships the way we do. Everything from the way you mimic our gestures to your breathing is artificial."

A look of pain crossed Emily's face, and though it was only a product of complex algorithms and sensory input Rush found it quite unsettling.

"It would be impossible for you to understand," he told it gently.

"Explain it to me."

Rush shook his head. "Even if I had a way of showing you what I mean, it's still irrelevant; any relationship I have with Colonel Young will never cross the professional barrier."

The AI watched Rush go, and then disappeared into the ship.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

Alas, only an Author's Note.

I've made very last-minute travel plans to go to New Zealand for two weeks. I need to be out of Australia to apply for a new VISA, and to have it granted. So I've turned it into a holiday, and I'm going to Great Barrier Island mostly. It's a remote, secluded, pristine natural place with gorgeous beaches and rainforest. I'm backpacking all the way baby! That said, I won't update within that time. When I get back I go to a concert the same day, then the next day there is a dojo grading which I'm participating in...then my mum arrives two days later to visit for three months.

This is a heads up that if I don't update often, I haven't abandoned my story. I will do my best to get some chapters out there. The next chapter is halfway written, but I didn't get the chance to finish it with all the prep. Thanks for your loyalty all the way.

Now I'm going to bed...zzz


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